Psychologists, social researchers in academia, and our own personal experience would say that the vast majority of us avoid having the difficult conversation to address lingering frustrations that inevitably come with relationships in the home, the workplace, and the community.

Leaders in the workplace often delay having the difficult performance discussion with an employee until it is just unavoidable and the team or project has been significantly impacted.

Couples in the home often avoid the known stress points or triggers in the relationship and keep their fingers crossed that it will just go away without a fight this time.

Communities often look the other way and sweep problems under the rug until one small action ignites a firestorm of the now unavoidable reality.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, demonstrating the wisdom and courage to address the difficult and uncomfortable topics will help us prevent the cancer of delay from spreading and destroying the long-term health of close relationships.

Emotion is often bound to a moment, but wisdom is always married to time.  We need wisdom to be effective in dealing with the complexity of life and that only comes with time and experience.

Here are just a few thoughts to address the avoidance strategy head on:

1. Acknowledge the Truth: It is not easy to effectively have these types of discussions. Life is often sloppy and painful and addressing difficult issues does not come with paint by numbers instructions. It is not perfect, but it needs to be experienced, not avoided.
2. Begin the Dialogue: When we avoid addressing the problem, we often create more problems. Unresolved issues do not go away, they just rear themselves in other ways. We learn and grow as we address challenges, so get started.
3. Intent and Understanding are the Foundation: It is important to be genuine in our intent to move the relationship forward in a healthy way to achieve the long-term goals of the team, the family, or the community. Seek understanding first as we do not see the world as it is, but we see the world as we are and our experiences and attitudes bring about a host preconceived notions and biases.
4. Don’t Lose Hope: We may often find ourselves in a tough spot in our homes, our close relationships, and in our community. We will learn and grow through addressing difficult issues and even if they don’t get adequately resolved, we will be setting a great example for those closest to us that we don’t give up. Keep hope alive.

As we strive to reach our full potential in our lives and in our relationships, we will always have difficult issues to address and the avoidance strategy is just not an effective option.  We learn and grow as we work through difficult issues and the wisdom we gain will help us build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to reach our hopes and dreams.