Are we there yet?  We are all very familiar with the question that comes at some point during a long drive.  Depending on how long the drive or how much stress has been injected into the preparations for the drive, there will be a wide array of follow-on responses to that simple question.

So often we attribute that question to a young child on a road trip.  However, many of us as adults may find ourselves asking a similar question on our journey of life.

When will we be happily married?

When will our children be able to stand on their own?

When will I be in a stable and fruitful career?

When will we finally have peace in our home and community?

When will I finally be done with getting an education?

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, how we cope with the adult version of the question “are we there yet?” will help us grow our joy and peace as we journey along to reach our full potential.

We all celebrate the accomplishment of significant milestones.  The awarding of a graduation diploma, the winning of a championship, the anniversary of a relationship milestone like 25 years of marriage, 30 years of dedicated employment, and the list could go on.  At the time of crossing the threshold of accomplishment, there is joy, celebration, and some peaceful relief in knowing we finally made it.

As time inevitably marches quickly through the threshold of any specific accomplishment, many times we forget the graduation speech, we misplace the thoughtful anniversary card, and we forget the leftover cake in the company lunchroom.

The reality about what remains with us after the accomplishment and brief celebration pass, is not the celebration, it is the memories and lessons learned along the journey that remain.

We remember the courage and strength it took to study all night for numerous exams to ensure we passed that tough course.  Those memories act as a rallying cry to strengthen our character to ensure we can rise above again when we are faced with another challenge down the road.

We remember the pain and the joy of years spent in a close relationship like marriage and those reminders help give us perspective when the next jolt to the foundation of a close relationship comes in the future…and it will come in the future.  It is that perspective which will help to carry us through the inevitable dark time in our committed relationships.

We remember the business lessons learned from good and bad decisions we made in the marketplace.  It is the memory of these lessons that gives us confidence to re-enter the marketplace and attempt to grow a business again.

Setting clear goals to be accomplished is a critical part of reaching our full potential.  However, we need to ensure we maintain the perspective that goals are simply milestones to gauge our progress on the long journey.  We will inevitably pass through those goals and will need to continue to set further milestones down the road.

The energy needed to reach our full potential in a long and fruitful life does not simply come from accomplishing goals.  The renewable energy for life is in leveraging the memories and lessons learned along the journey.  This renewable energy will ensure we consistently raise the bar on our ability to positively impact those around us.

As we continue to maintain our perspective when answering the adult version of “are we there yet?” and we focus on learning along our journey, we will build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity^® to accomplish the next big goal or milestone.

Our world is full of temptations.  The temptations of fame, fortune, and friends with benefits are all around us.  In addition, there is a world of temptations to relieve the pain of physical ailments, the emotional trauma of relationship struggles, and the anxiety developed out of today’s hyper-stressed environment to have it all.

Many of these temptations and the individuals who get overwhelmed by them are well documented in the media or in kitchen table conversations in our homes.

However, the most damaging temptation is the one we keep to ourselves.  The silent temptation that is the genesis of so much heartache, pain, and personal struggle is the temptation to compare ourselves to others.  In our own silent world of comparing ourselves to others, we lose our own identity.  Over time, we struggle to find direction and we often miss our true purpose and passion to reach our full potential.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we address what can be called the greatest temptation we will face, the silent temptation to compare ourselves to others.

Despite how many billions of people inhabit the earth, there is none like you or me.  Whether we believe in the scientific rationale, a faith in an all-mighty God, or both, there is no denying the fact that we are uniquely created.  There are no two people in this world that are the same.

It is not just physical differences, but our experiences and how we see the world as a result of those experiences, which makes us unique as individuals.  A practical example is to look at individuals growing up in the same household who experienced many of the same things.  There is often some major differences in the points of view between the first born, a middle child, and the youngest.

There is no value in making a judgment of better or worse about these experiences and points of view.  There is tremendous value in acknowledging and valuing our own individual differences and the differences of those around us.

When we give in to the silent temptation of comparing ourselves to others, we begin to diminish the strength of our uniqueness.

• When we silently judge our self-worth based on a relative scale of those around us, we diminish the strength of our uniqueness.
• When we silently rate our home-life based on what we see in the homes of others, we diminish the strength our unique family environment.
• When we silently assess our career based on others, we diminish the strength our unique learning journey.

Our greatest risk in this world is that we fall short of our potential.  Becoming overwhelmed with the temptation to compare ourselves to others is the gateway to a life that falls short of our potential.

When we give in to the silent temptation to compare ourselves to others, we chase a moving target as opposed to remaining fixed on reaching our own unique potential.  We would be much more effective in setting a bar high based on our own individual goals and then working hard to achieve our full potential.

As we continue to exercise the discipline to “be me and not you,” we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential.

There is truth in the old adage, “the fortune is in the follow up.”

It does not matter whether we are talking about closing a sale, strengthening an important relationship, sticking with an exercise routine, or building a strong community, it is in the follow up where we find the fortune.

We have probably all had the experience of a rush of motivation and positive energy after a great initial encounter:

• A great first meeting with a potential new client
• A motivating speech by a political figure or business leader
• A weekend retreat focused on strengthening a close relationship
• An “altar call” moment in our faith journey
• An infomercial product we purchased for healthy eating and exercise

The reality is that when that initial motivation fades, instead of reaping a fortune in the follow up, we go bankrupt due to lack of follow up.

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, the principle of remaining committed in the follow up will create opportunity for us to reach our full potential.

If we all do an honest self-assessment across important endeavors in our lives, I am sure we can find a few teachable moments where we failed to build a fortune due to lack of follow-up.  I can recall failing to follow up on a few specific customer commitments and areas of service outside the home.  In addition, the real painful shortfalls are those that have occurred closer to home.  Perhaps some of you can also relate to a few times where you missed the fortune because of a lack of follow up.

Here are just a few thoughts on building a fortune:

1. Accept the reality that having a meaningful impact on any endeavor in life is contained in the follow up, not in the start.
2. Any follow up is better than no follow up. Taking smaller steps at a slower pace will still produce a meaningful impact.
3. Unfortunately, we will all still have a few experiences in the future where we will miss out on a fortune due to lack of follow up. We should not be dismayed.  We should acknowledge the shortfall and just keep climbing back in the ring to try again.
4. Given the reality of #3 above, we should demonstrate some mercy on those closest to us when they fail to follow up as I am sure we would appreciate the same treatment when we inevitably fall short sometime down the road.

When we consistently follow up after a motivating initial encounter, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to build a fortune in our relationships, our businesses, and our communities.

Our world continues to grow in complexity, intensity and uncertainty.  Often times, the challenges before us seem increasingly more difficult to address whether it is building a competitive edge in a global marketplace, maintaining peace and security in our communities, or getting the time and attention to guide and support those individuals we care about most.

Despite the growing complexity in our world, there have been three elements to building a strong foundation that have endured the test of time to help us more effectively address the challenges we face in our world.  As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, we can have a positive impact on all three elements.

The three elements to build a strong foundation to more effectively address the challenges in our world are the following:

Family

There has been a tremendous amount of research done on the perils that result with the break-up of the family unit.  Families may come in a few different flavors in our world today, but the basic principles of having a “home” where people feel love, support, safety, and commitment is an incredibly solid foundation of which positive impact can occur in our world, no matter what the challenges we face.

As we continue to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions in the “home” by principles like commitment, loyalty, and grace, we build and strengthen our character and our character creates opportunity to strengthen our family to more effectively address the challenges we face in our world.

Education

Applying effort to continue to learn and grow in school, the workplace, the home, and our community is critical to effectively addressing the growing complexity in our world.  Education does not end with graduation day.  In many times, our real education is just beginning.  When we refuse to learn and grow with comments like, “that is just the way I am,” we set ourselves up to have limited positive impact on those around us.

As we continue to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like understanding, humility, and respect, we build and strengthen our character and our character creates opportunity to stay educated and more effectively address the challenges we face in our world.

Economic Opportunity

There is tremendous honor by fulfilling our duty to get out of bed and go to work.  That “work” may have us remain in the home, travel to an office, defend our freedom, dig a ditch, or aid the hurting.  Regardless of the type of work, work builds and strengthens our character.

There are times in the economic cycle of free markets and in certain communities, where there seems to be limited economic opportunity.  However, even in the darkest times, we should be reminded of the reality that Thomas Edison shared a long time ago, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

As we continue to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like perseverance, sacrifice, and hope, we build and strengthen our character and our character creates opportunity for us to work to the best of our abilities and more effectively address the challenges we face in our world.

There is limited value in hoping for a more simple and predictable world.  A more productive use of our time and effort should be towards building a solid foundation to address the realities of our world today.

As we focus effort on the three elements of family, education, and economic opportunity, we will help to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to build a strong foundation to more effectively address the complexity of our world today.

Throughout history, our time and attention are drawn towards those who are out in front making the headlines, giving the speeches, and closing the big deal.  Many times, those exalted as innovators, brilliant, effective leaders, or the ones making things happen, are often seen as being larger than life compared to the rest of us.

Most of us are not in the spotlight, on the stage, being interviewed by the reporter, or standing in the ribbon cutting line.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, today’s note is about the important role most of us play, the role of assisting others to reach their full potential.

The history books may leave the “assistants” out of the biographies.  However, the reality is that the lives of those who have public impact are most often filled with others assisting them in their efforts.

We all know well the inventions and legacy of Thomas Edison.  However, we probably don’t know William Hammer who was Edison’s chief engineer responsible for most of the work at the Edison Lamp Company or Frank Sprague who was the mathematician behind critical steps in the electric lighting system.  These assistants helped Edison reach his full potential.

We can probably name the head coach of our favorite football team, but I bet we struggle to name the offensive line coach who is often responsible for building the group of linemen who clear the path for the running back to get on the cover of a sports magazine.

Behind every well performing executive or leader in business, there is always an assistant who makes sure things get done.  Behind every customer facing role in an organization, there is usually a team of assistants making sure expectations are met.  They most often do not take the stage at the million dollar round table banquet, but without them, top performance is not possible.

Truth be told, our most underappreciated examples of honorable, quiet assistants occur with those closest to us in our homes and extended family.  It is these assistants that form the backbone of health and safety in our communities and our nation.  The service of one spouse to another, of a parent to a child, siblings to each other, and the service of children reversing roles to assist elderly parents.

If it weren’t for the honorable and principled assistants, we would all be in a difficult position.  The history books may leave them out, but they are a critical element to purpose and accomplishment.

An important reality to accept, sooner rather than later, is that a passionate, purposeful life is not about personal achievement, rather it is about helping others reach their full potential.

Our efforts to faithfully play our role, which most likely will not make the headlines, will help to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to assist others in helping them reach their full potential.

We make trade-off decisions every day.  One of the more consistent and obvious trade-offs we make is the decision of quality vs quantity.  Whether it is a bottle of wine, a business suit, an evening meal, or a piece of furniture, there is a decision being made around whether we prefer quality vs quantity.

We mentally perform the Ben Franklin decision making process of seeing high quality as being more expensive, taking more time, and usually more enjoyable as compared to high quantity which usually means, lower cost, faster service, and a little less satisfying.  We weigh both sides of the ledger and then make the choice.

Our hope is that we can maximize the benefits of both quality and quantity.  Today’s free market is the most effective system to help us achieve both high quality items made at sufficient quantity to keep costs low.

One of the trade-offs we make very often today is around communication.  The technological advances over the last decade or so have made the choice for quantity almost too appealing and easy to see any other choice.

An important area on how we can continue to build and strengthen our character is in the critical choice we make around how we communicate.

Communication experts would tell us that most of what we communicate is not what we say, but the tone and body language in our delivery.  We see that truth every day in families hustling through a busy schedule, in the expression of the waitress in the coffee shop, and the greeting towards a potential customer in the marketplace.  We can all say “Hello” and “It is nice to see you,” but our tone and body language carry the weight of impact in that simple message.

When it comes to having meaningful and lasting impact on another individual, there is no substitute for face to face communication.  The outcomes that stem from a quality vs quantity choice could not be more striking than in our communications to have meaningful and lasting impact:

• Difficult conversation in the workplace are not handled well on an email or voicemail. We make enormous progress on trust and reconciliation when we have the courage to communicate face to face.
• Strained relationships within families rarely find health in a text message.  We bring healing to pain and anger within families when we demonstrate mercy and grace to gather around a table and communicate face to face.
• Frustration in our communities does not move toward a deeper understanding through a social media post.  We grow in understanding and health when we take the time to meet and communicate face to face.

Quality, face to face communications take time and a great deal of courage and effort.  They afford us the most effective opportunity to have a meaningful and lasting impact.

When it comes to individuals and causes we believe are most important, we face a critical choice around how we communicate during difficult situations.

As we take the time and effort to communicate face to face with those we care about most, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to make meaningful and lasting impact especially in our homes, our communities, and the businesses we are building.

We have all felt overwhelmed from time to time.  Feeling “flooded” is a nice, polite way psychologists will described our situation when we are feeling like we have reached a final breaking point in relationships, careers, and other endeavors.

There is no denying that our experiences in the home, school, workplace, and community continue to grow more complex and create new challenges for all of us to reach our hopes and dreams.

As our situations continue to get more challenging, the principles we rely on to keep moving forward in our journey do not change.  As we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions based on principles such as courage, perseverance, loyalty, and faith, we will figure out the most effective choices to address the complex reality we are all facing.  Techniques may change, but principles are timeless and universal to support our cause.

Throughout the generations, as the challenges seemed to grow greater, the principle based actions of individuals most certainly rose to the occasion to continue to move forward.  I am sure we can all look back through generations of our own story to find times where we faced seemingly insurmountable challenges, but managed to overcome.

However, there has always be one clear warning sign that if not addressed, will turn a near term derailment into a permanent loss in the pursuit of our goals. This warning sign is a more formidable obstacle in achieving our goals than the actual challenge we face.  This clear warning sign is when our thoughts, decisions, and actions are guided by the phrase, “I just don’t care anymore.”

Apathy is the real enemy in the long journey to pursue our hopes and dreams.

When we come to the point of not caring about the important issues within our families, the challenges of our chosen profession, the pursuit of education throughout our lives, or service in our communities, then the battle is over.  Sun Tzu said, “Every battle is won or lost before it’s ever fought.”

We continue to build and strengthen our character when we keep caring about the things that matter most, even in the face of extreme difficulty and struggle.

Here a few thoughts to identify and address this clear warning sign:

(1)    Self-Assessment:  No one knows our inner thoughts, but us.  It is critical that we “look in the mirror” and continue to assess the genesis of our own thoughts that drive our decisions and actions.  An honest self-assessment is our best tool to identify apathy in our mindset.

(2)    Choices:  We can only effectively give our energy to a few causes.  The world is too challenging to give 50% effort and expect to make a difference.  We need the discipline to clearly choose whether to go “all in” or don’t go at all.  In today’s vernacular, my kids would say, “Go big or go home.”  We should determine what we care about most and act accordingly.

(3)    Long-term:  There is no cause worth pursuing that will have an “overnight success.” There will be a series of short term ups and downs.  It is important we don’t get too elated or too down in the short run, but focus on staying the course and caring throughout the long journey to reach our hopes and dreams.

(4)    Observation and Action:  Be on the lookout for this clear warning sign in others. Apathy can metastasize like a cancer within families, the workplace, and our communities.   We all need some courage to have the difficult conversation when we see apathy in others and share an encouraging word about the importance of addressing it and overcoming for the good of the family, the team or community.

At times, we can all struggle with making choices on what is really important.  I wanted to share a story that was recently passed on to me by a friend as a helpful guide to our choices.  A father, his three sons and two daughters stood around the hospital bed of his wife and their mother as she peacefully shared her last thoughts with them and simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”

Especially as it concerns our home and family, we need to keep up the fight against our greatest enemy, apathy. 

As we continue to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles such as love, loyalty, commitment, and grace, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to keep apathy out of our homes and build a strong family foundation that is critical to effectively addressing the challenges we all face outside of our homes.

Today, we have more choices in basic education, on-the-job skills training, and in traditional life skills like marriage, parenting, and household finance that are taught in community centers, churches, and libraries.  In addition, via the internet, we have a global education system at our fingertips for any subject of interest.

The unlimited opportunity to gain direct access to training for any school subject, work skill, or critical life skill highlights two important realities:

(1)    From a practical standpoint, we can teach people the best techniques to be functional at coding in C++, setting a family budget, playing guitar, driving a delivery truck, cooking a good steak, and even improving communication with our spouse 🙂

(2)    The vast majority of people can learn to be really great at something, if we make the choice. When we choose to make the effort, work through the disappointments, short-term failures, and the inevitable grind in the journey, we will develop the functional skill.

Making a choice to commit is a necessary skill for any endeavor in life.

As we continue moving forward to build and strengthen our character, we need to be reminded of a necessary skill that is not routinely taught in the classroom, the workplace, and on the home front: Commitment.

Psychologists and academics would have a few fancy terms to describe the reality that most of us don’t commit to something until we have discovered that we can be good at it.  If the technique or skill being taught seems interesting and we show some initial, marginal success at doing it, then maybe we will commit.

However, for most things in life, there is always the “honeymoon” period.  Where the initial excitement of something new and different energizes us for some time and then the subject gets difficult.  We spend one too many all-nighters studying for exams and still do not pass.  We work hard and give it our best in the workplace and the promotion seems to never come our way.  In the home, the strain of bills, schedules, and bad habits marches us into that valley of loneliness even while we share the same bed with our spouse.

During the difficult times, when the energy surrounding new and different fades away, the necessary skill of commitment is exposed.  It is the skill of commitment that carries us through the journey to learn a new language, to develop a new skill at work, and to build empathy and understanding with those in our family.

We could all benefit from an honest, self-assessment every once in a while on the necessary skill of commitment. Unlike some classes in school, this assessment is not graded on a curve by comparing our commitment to that seen in others.  We stand on our own with this grade.

When we set the bar high on our own level of commitment, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to learn new skills and reach our potential in the key areas of life.

What do we achieve when we “have to” do something?

When we “have to” do something, we come to realize that we have the capacity to do more than we ever imagined.

In today’s world, we very rarely hear the phrases “I have to” or “I must do” something.  We pride ourselves on self-expression and for keeping our options open as we feel a sense of confinement with obligations and commitments.

Many times, our self-expression manifests itself in phrases like, “I just felt like doing something different” or “I just felt like it was time for a change.”  These choices often come about when the going gets tough and the outcome we desired is not so certain.

As we continue on our own personal journey to build and strengthen our character, we need to be careful that our desire for self-expression and keeping our options open does not side-step responsibility or consistently enable a way out when times get tough.

The risk to reaching our full potential is greatest when our desire to keep our options open becomes a convenient escape hatch to avoid responsibility. 

When we come to that point in life when we “have to do” something, we soon realize we have virtually unlimited potential.

Many times, the common expression shared after a significant accomplishment is, “I had to do it…I had no other option, but to continue.”

Ask any young parent, “How do you stay up night after night with a young baby with colic or just a troubled sleep pattern and still manage to function and be productive throughout the day?”  Most often you will hear, “It is just what I have to do.  There is no other option.”

Ask any immigrant family, who came to this country and overcame tremendous language and cultural barriers to survive and provide, “How did you do it?”  Most often they will respond with comments like, “We had to make it work.  Returning to our homeland was not an option.”

A detailed review of the great breakthroughs in scientific discovery would reveal a sense of “I must” or “I have to” find answers to these great questions.

Madame Curie became the first and only woman to win the Nobel Prize twice and her work to isolate uranium opened the door to so many discoveries in the field of medicine.  She spent most of her life in financial hardship, endured the tragic death of her husband early in their marriage, and conducted most of her greatest research in a leaky, rusted out shed.  Friends and associates would recall her passion to find the answers to some of science’s most complex questions. With frostbitten toes and working in that shed on an empty stomach, she saw her work as having no other option, but finding the answers.

Ask any great athlete how they can continue to push through intense training programs and overcome injuries and pain to continue to reach for their goals, we will find a sense of focus with no other option but continuing to move forward.

Ask any combat veteran how they overcame the horrors of warfare, we will hear expressions like, “You do what you have to do to survive. There is no other option.”

When we have no other option and we “have to” do something, we are often amazed at what we can accomplish.

Are there areas in our lives where we have conveniently created options to avoid the commitment of saying, “I have to”?

• Is there a troubled relationship with a family member that could be repaired with a “have to” commitment?
• Is there a child or adolescent who would benefit from seeing a parent with a “have to” attitude around the important things in life?
• Is there a struggling business that could continue with a “have to” decision to succeed?
• Is there a student struggling in the classroom that could overcome with a “have to” choice to learn and grow?

What do we “have to” do to reach our full potential?

When we do what we “have to” do, we build and strengthen our character, and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential.

“If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it” is a pretty common phrase in the basics of running an organization and leading a team to achieve.  Setting effective performance measures that individuals and teams can understand and clearly see how those measures align with achieving an organization’s goals is a critical element in building an organization for growth.

There are a large number of management books, consultant fees, and leadership team discussions around developing the most effective “scorecard” for organizations, teams, and individuals to ensure they are all best positioned to achieve their goals.

When organizations report on progress towards achieving goals, there is a very familiar review of the status of their performance against these important measures.

As we continue on our own personal journey to build and strengthen our character, one important question we need to ask ourselves is, “What am I measuring on the “scorecard” of my life?”

As we see ourselves in the big roles in life such as a student, parent, sibling, son or daughter, friend, helper, and coworker, a fundamental question we need to answer is how are we measuring ourselves along the journey in those important roles?

Now that we are beginning to enter into another presidential election season, someone will ask that familiar question, “Are you better off now than you were four years ago?”

As we intentionally put effort towards building and strengthening our character, we don’t need a politician to remind us every four years of the importance of assessing our progress in the big areas of our life.

Many times, the “four year” question from politicians refers to some financial measure.  Somewhere on the “scorecard” of life, money, as it is the currency for provision of food, clothing, and shelter, has its place.  However, I have never been to a funeral where someone said, “Bob was a nice guy and he died with a back pocket full of money.”

It would be beneficial for all of us if the vast majority of our scorecard showed how we brought health to important relationships and how we had a positive impact on those around us.  In the end, we would all be grateful to hear, “Bob was a nice guy and he simply took care of people.”

One fact is clear, when a politician asks that familiar question, the cold, hard truth is that we now have four years less on the journey to deliver on the life we are trying to achieve.

As we become more intentional on delivering top performance on the “scorecard” of our lives, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to have a meaningful impact on those around us.