There seems to be a growing level of support and gratefulness around the world for those men and women who have and are continuing to serve their country in the armed forces.  It is a fitting tribute for the service of so many.  As a veteran myself, I can say it is really great to see the intentional effort of so many to acknowledge the sacrifice.

Today’s message is not about the traditional view of service in the form of armed forces in defense of a nation.  The message is about the often underappreciated role that most of us play…The role of serving others based on a firm foundation of commitment.  Mostly out of the spotlight, behind the scenes, and without the public acknowledgement of “thank you.”

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, there is the important need to acknowledge the service to others we make each and every day that has lasting impact.

Although many times underappreciated, there is something extremely honorable about the commitment of those who serve tirelessly to get the job done in our homes, our workplace, and our communities.

A tremendous example is quietly set by those getting up on a cold, dark morning and getting the job done on a consistent basis that is worthy of appreciation, but so often goes without it.  It does not matter what role we play; whether we get up and load boxes into a truck, pack a lunch for children, wash a seemingly endless load of laundry, sit and hold grandchildren, or plan the strategy of an organization.  The day in day out choice we make to get up and get going despite being underappreciated for not just days, but perhaps years, is a worthy example of service and commitment.

Truth be told, our most underappreciated examples of honorable service most often occur with those closest to us in our homes and extended family.

We may not realize it, but those around us, whether they are our children, our coworkers, or our neighbors are all impacted by our example to get up and get going.  The spotlight is most often on those in public service or in high-level positions in organizations.  However, the day to day example of those in quiet service to a cause beyond themselves and honorably fulfilling their commitments are deserving of high praise for their impact is positive and lasting on those around them.

All of us, at certain points in our journey and across the various roles we play, will feel underappreciated for our efforts.  Whether it is an insensitive spouse, a teenager going through that “know it all” phase, a preoccupied boss, or selfish coworkers, we all will go through times of service where we just feel underappreciated.

In most cases, especially in the home, the tide does eventually turn.  The insensitive spouse or the “know it all” young adult eventually has that “light-bulb” moment when they realize the quiet service that has been delivered faithfully over the years.  However, if they do not, it is important that we do not lose our drive to deliver on our commitments to do our job and fulfill our obligations.  Continuing to move forward in quiet service is the most effective choice we can make.

If you have felt underappreciated for a while, take this writing as a little “pat on the back” of encouragement for a job and an example set that is well done.  In addition, we all should do some self-reflection and see if we are that insensitive spouse, “know it all” young adult, preoccupied boss, or selfish co-worker and start today to put forth some encouragement and recognition to those who are in honorable, quiet service around us.

Here are just a few key points on maintaining a commitment to serve others: (1) Continue to move forward in quiet service no matter how seemingly underappreciated or unrecognized our efforts become.  Our day in and day out example to maintain our commitments will have a positive impact on those around us, even if we do not see it today.  (2) It is well worth the effort to avoid allowing the negative energy of bitterness to set in when our service goes unnoticed or the praise and recognition for the task goes to someone else.  Continue to transfer energy into serving and minimize the negative energy that can creep in when recognition or appreciation is non-existent.

When we maintain our commitment to serve those around us, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to have a positive impact in our world and especially those closest to us in our homes.

100% Certainty.  We all like a sense of stability and comfort in the very binary “yes or no” that comes with certainty.

If I work hard and build trust, I will succeed in building this business.

If I listen well and work hard on my marriage, my marriage will last.

If I study hard and listen well in class, I will get good grades in school.

If I save and invest wisely, I will have some money when I get too old to work productively.

If I eat well and exercise, I will avoid heart disease and diabetes.

The truth is that there are few things in life that happen with 100% certainty.  “Death and taxes” were the only ones that Ben Franklin could come up and I don’t think much has changed since wise old Ben wrote that truth.

With all this uncertainty, it turns out that we have a significant opportunity to build and strengthen our character as we effectively deal with the upside in uncertainty.

Psychologists would tell us that the idea of uncertainty brings about a mix of fear, anxiety, and worry.  They would also tell us that 100% certainty in our expectations brings about a degree of comfort, but also opens a wide door towards complacency and taken things for granted.

Customers will always come back just like they did for the last two generations that ran this business

My spouse will always remain committed to our marriage

The company will always take care of its people

The greatest risk we have around things that we see as 100% certain is that we take them for granted and then wake up one day and customers are not coming back, our spouse’s bags are pack, and we are let go with a few week’s pay after giving years of service to a company.

The upside in uncertainty is that with a little anxiousness and concern about the future, we stand guard, we are honest about our weaknesses, we stay aware of our surroundings and we work on continual improvement…we take nothing for granted.

Life is full of change and uncertainty.  At each stage of life, whether school age years, early adulthood, young families, empty nesters, there is a fair amount of change and uncertainty.

When we begin to embrace the upside in uncertainty by trying to continually improve and taking few things for granted, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our hopes and dreams.

 

No, this is not an “old school” story about walking up hill in the snow both ways to school and how tough it was compared to today’s children.  Rather, it is a story about what we believe.

When we were children, we were “believers.”  We believed in the impossible and we believed it when others said we had great potential and could accomplish great things.  Sure, we also may have believed in the boogeyman and monsters under our bed, but we believed in our potential to do great things.

It may have been a parent teaching us how to ride a bike, shoot a basket, or finish a difficult math problem.  It may have been a coach preparing us for the big game or just a tough practice.  It may have been a friend who was the “adventurer” and helped us believe.  When we were children, someone helped us to believe we had unlimited potential.

There was a time when we believed it.  When we believed in ourselves to achieve great things.

Then something happened.

Someone told us we couldn’t do it and we believed their limitations.  We may have fallen short one too many times.  We may have grown callous to hope through time and experience.

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, we need to face the reality of what has impacted our ability to believe in ourselves and take the necessary steps to believe again.

When we strip away all the fluff, there is the reality of a few key areas that are at the foundation of how we became a non-believer:

• Fear. We all carry with us some fear.  Fear of failure, humiliation, going hungry, of being alone, etc.  Fear unchecked can cause us to be unbelievers.  Fear as adults, most often resembles the monster under our bed.  Our fear of whatever, many times does not come about and if it does, it is rarely as worse as it seems…just like the monster under our bed.
• Negativity. We finally gave in to the negative view that most often surrounds us.  Psychologists say it takes most of us about 5 positive, affirmations to overcome one negative opinion.  Often times, we have become overwhelmed by the negativity and slowly we moved down the path of no longer believing in our potential.  Like the character in The Sun Also Rises when asked how did you go bankrupt? “Gradually and then suddenly.”  Our emotional bank account just got too far in the negative that we have felt bankruptcy is our only option.
• Choice. We make the choice to believe or not to believe.  We can pass the buck if want to, but the truth is, we own the choice and at some point, we chose not to believe.

Here are a few ideas to reconnect with our childhood and become believers again in order to reach our full potential:

• Faith. We all have faith.  Whether it is faith in God, ourselves, our family, the truth contained in the natural law of the harvest (we reap what we sow), we all have faith that the sun will come up this morning and we face a new day.  Don’t lose faith.
• Positive reinforcement. Whether we describe it as counting our blessings, stopping to smell the roses, or taking some inventory of our past accomplishments, we need reminders of the positives in our life.  These small, consistent steps are our most effective way to pay off a huge deficit of negativity in our own emotional bank account.
• The company we keep. Often times, we become like those around us.  Seek out the relationships that combine a view the world that is realistic and favors the side of positive and full of opportunity vs. negative and full of doom and gloom.  When our closest, committed relationships have a negative bent, maintain the effort to stay on the positive and our influence will be felt over time.

When we were children, we were believers.  It may be time for each of us to relearn the importance of believing in our potential to achieve the healthy goals we desire like strong, loving relationships, productive employment to make a positive difference in the marketplace and the home front, and those really big dreams that many times we have kept to ourselves.

As Teddy Roosevelt believed, “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”

It is time to become believers again and step back into the ring.

As we make the choice as adults to believe again, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a great impact on those around us.

We all appreciate freedom.

The freedom to come and go as we please.  The freedom to live according to a set of beliefs.  The freedom to pursue our hopes and dreams. The list could go on and on.

One person who understood freedom very well was the late Nelson Mandela (1918-2013, former President of South Africa).

On February 11, 1990, Nelson Mandela, after 27 years in prison, walked out of a South African prison into freedom, but he was not totally free.  It was not until he made one more decision that truly set him free.  “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” Nelson Mandela

If we all reflected on the following questions, how would we respond?

• Have we ever been misguided by a friend or family member?
• Have we ever been treated unfairly in the workplace?
• Have we ever put our heart and soul into a relationship that subsequently fell apart?
• Have we ever had someone we trusted take advantage of that trust?

Chances are pretty good that we all would answer “yes” on many, if not all, of the questions above.

Given the affirmative response to many of these questions, an important reality we need to face is the level of bitterness and anger we still hold around those events and those individuals. To use Mandela’s concept, are we still in prison because of those feelings?

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, we need to ask ourselves an important question, “If I am holding on to bitterness and anger from the past, am I really free?”

This personal side of freedom is different than the 4^th of July kind of freedom we experience.  This personal side of freedom is a result of the individual choice we make to leave bitterness behind and move on.

If we let bitterness and anger from the past define our future, we will not reach our full potential. 

Here are just a few ideas to help us move towards the personal freedom we need to reach our full potential:

• We all make mistakes. We have probably caused some pain on others we wish we had not.  Extend the same forgiveness and understanding we wish others would do for us.
• It will happen again. Life is complicated and people react in different ways. We need to be careful that we don’t become disillusioned with expectations that life will be clean and nice.  Life is messy and complicated.  There will be misunderstandings and pain along the journey.
• Bitterness and anger hold us back. Once we learn to forgive and move on, we will experience the benefits of being free from the anger of the past.  We will develop the “muscle memory” to forgive quickly, remove negative emotions, and apply ourselves fully to achieve our hopes and dreams.
• We set an example for others to follow. The more we can demonstrate the ability to remove bitterness over past events, the more others we see our actions and follow…especially those closest to home that we hope can have the best foundation to reach their full potential.

As we make the choice to leave behind bitterness and anger from the unfortunate events of our past, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a great impact on those around us.

What are we waiting for?

In the quiet of an early morning or a late evening, the majority of us see the potential for something bigger in our lives.  It may be a desire to see improvement in a close, committed relationship.  It may be the desire to get a promotion at work or start that business on the side.  It may be a desire to have a greater impact on a cause we care deeply about.  Very, very few of us, have reflective moments where we say, “I wish I could just sit here and do nothing for the rest of my life.”

Our world is wide open to enable us to reach our full potential.  The question we need to ask ourselves is, “What are we waiting for?”

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, the decision to be proactive is a cornerstone to our effort to reach our full potential.

We can get all the education and skills training we need for free…today…right now.  We can log in to any popular website and see the world’s greatest thinkers, doers, and teachers provide the very best of content on any subject for free while sitting at home.  If we think we have enough information to start, we can take action. We don’t need to ask for permission.   The door is always open.

In a world that is growing in complexity and where everything is open to everyone, if we are not moving forward, we are falling exponentially behind.

The questions we need to make sure we answer honestly are:

• Are we waiting for someone else to make our close relationships stronger?
• Are we waiting for someone to spoon feed us that job opportunity to get promoted?
• Are we waiting for others to jump into an important cause before we get started?

As the traditional obstacles of education and awareness are rapidly going away, we are left looking in the mirror and asking ourselves, “What are we waiting for?”

We don’t need to take massive leaps forward.  All we need is to starting taking small steps in the desired direction on the things that matter most.

As we continue to dream big dreams and take proactive steps to making them become a reality, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a greater impact on those around us.

There comes a point in time in every long term relationship, every major work endeavor, every pursuit of a life-long dream, and each time we attempt to make a change in our own behavior, when quitting starts to look good.  We question the original choice we made and we look for a way out.

The excitement surrounding the start of a new journey carries us for quite a while and then, when the really hard work begins, our internal voice starts to ask a few questions.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, making effective decisions when our commitment begins to falter will help us in the journey to reach our full potential.

We are all very familiar with the motivational stories like Abraham Lincoln overcoming numerous personal, business, and political failures before finally becoming the President of the United States.  We probably all have a few motivational quotes either on a wall or stuffed in some drawer that help to serve as a reminder of what it takes to overcome struggles.  We all need good reminders.

Many times, we become enamored by the story and the ultimate outcome.  However, more important than the outcome, are the small acts done each day.  The commitment of showing up every day is the real strength of the story.

When we commit to a decision, we will have moments (maybe years of moments) when we don’t feel like doing it, when we may believe it was a poor choice.  But, when our commitment remains day in and day out, the opportunities to learn, grow, and overcome show up also.  Just showing up every day is the “wisdom” that gets lost in the popular stories about overcoming.

As we learn and grow, goals will change over time.  The situation may require a different set of decisions as we navigate the journey, but what matters is that we climbed back into the ring each and every day, whether we felt like it or not.  Just showing up and staying in the game is often what makes all the difference in the world.

Here are just a few points to consider when our commitment begins to falter:

• We are all in the same boat. Anyone who has ever made a decision to commit to a goal worthy of effort has encountered a moment when quitting looks like an attractive option.
• The ultimate goal is not the only celebratory moment. What is worth celebrating is the day in and day out commitment to show up and do the work required.  Climbing back in the ring each day is worthy of recognition.
• Opportunity shows up, when we show up. So, more times than not, the most effective choice we can all make is to keep showing up each and every day.

There will be moments when our commitment begins to falter.  However, when we make the simple decision to keep showing up, we will gather momentum behind our commitment.  We will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and accomplish the goals we set.

Let’s face it.  There are times in our lives when we face the toughest of circumstances and we stand on the edge of losing hope.

Whether it is a close relationship that has unraveled and the reality of “happily ever after” seems unreachable.  Or maybe it is the teenage or adult child who has lost their way.  Or maybe it is the hopes and dreams of a business that has just run out of cash and its demise is imminent.  Or maybe it is the sense that the safety and comfort of the “good old days” are never coming back in our communities.

These are the times when all the money in the world could not buy a quick fix out of the situation and all the pump-up, positive thinking, motivation speeches sound like nails on a chalk board.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is on the edge of despair where we can find opportunity to learn and grow through difficulty.

On the edge of despair, is where our masks come off and the costume party we have been attending comes to a close.  In the very raw, unguarded, and openness of pain, when we have no strength to hold up the mask of “everything is fine,” we now can begin to move forward on the path to learning and growth.

On the edge of despair, there are several things to consider as we look to build and strengthen our character through these moments of opportunity:

• The most effective direction to move is forward towards the hurt and embrace the unguarded, authentic moment of pain. Take the mask off to begin to grow.
• Be intentional about avoiding the routine addictions we have learned to cover the pain. We all have our own ways of coping to keep the costume party going.  Growth comes when we realize the party cannot go on forever.
• Communication in times of pain is real, genuine and priceless for our growth. We should find someone we can trust and open up.  If we do not have someone in our close circle to confide in, then we need to seek out a pastor or counselor as the pathway to health is accelerated with open communication of our pain.
• Our very best will emerge from the pain. Psychologists and our own experience would demonstrate that we only grow in struggles.  “No pain, no gain” is not just a slogan for coaches during practice.  We have a massive human weakness to get soft, complacent, and lazy during moments of calm and order.  We should use the times of pain to grow…it is our only chance.
• No matter what the outcome of our present struggle, there is one positive step that can come out of any difficult situation. We can, and should, use our feelings of raw hurt to grow in empathy for others.  Our pain can be a catalyst for our growth in compassion for the struggles of others.  Another incredible accelerant on our pathway to health is when we turn to help others through their struggles.

When we stand on the edge of despair and we focus on growing through the struggle, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to remain on the path to our own emotional health and well positions us to be a helping hand to others.

One last point:  When we turn the corner on this present struggle, we should remember that life will always have another interesting event awaiting around the next corner.  If we can address our present struggle in a healthy way, we will be in a better to position to address the inevitable next bump in the road.  Enjoy the journey!

We live in relationship with others.  Whether we are an introvert or an extrovert on the personality scale, we live in relationship with others in the home, the school, the workplace, and the community.  Psychologists, pastors and wise old folks would tell us that life is about relationships and a healthy life consists of healthy relationships.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we identify some guideposts to keep us on the path to healthy relationships.

We live in a world that is quick to pass judgement.  It seems as we have all transitioned into the speed of the digital age for telecommunications, we have also accelerated our willingness to make judgements just as fast as we can scroll through a social media page.

This accelerated pace to judgement creates a risk for us veering off the path towards healthy relationships.

Empathy, the ability to understand and “feel” the emotions of another individual, is one of those important guideposts to keep us on the path to building healthy relationships.  Empathy is our gateway to understanding and understanding is the foundation for healthy relationships.

Empathy not only give us a better perspective through understanding, it can help us answer the question about why someone acted the way they did in a particular situation.

Expanding our level of empathy is not accomplished in a quick scroll through our most recent social media updates.  Empathy takes an investment to understand someone’s experiences, beliefs, and assumptions in order to better understand why they are the way there are and why they did what they did.

Like a lot of things in life, growing our empathy takes time and effort.  It is our choice.  Here are just a few thoughts around empathy that may help us to stay on a path to stronger, healthier relationships:

• The ability to understand one another through growing our empathy is the foundation for healthy relationships.
• Empathy takes an investment and we have limited resources of time and effort. Start with those relationships that matter most.
• Quick judgments on behaviors we don’t like because we don’t care enough to grow our empathy is rarely going to help us bring about the changes we desire in close relationships.
• A simple starting point when we feel like passing a quick judgement is to simply pause and ask, “Please, help me understand…”

As we continue to grow our empathy in the relationships that matter most, we will carry that discipline to our broader view of the world around us and we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to remain on the path building healthy relationships.

There is no denying that our world continues to grow in complexity, intensity, and uncertainty.

There are major international and domestic threats to our way of life that we often hear about in the news or experience directly in our communities.  The transparency of life that comes with the digital age also poses a threat to some very private situations or some regrettable activities that would have caused much less collateral damage in times past.  The complexity of life these days seems to pose a significant threat to the peace and stability we all yearn for in our lives.

However, there is one threat has been with us through the ages that continues to challenge us more than any other in the quest to reach our full potential.  The threat of isolation for an individual or a group presents a major threat to reaching our full potential.

Healthcare professionals, in both academic research and practical experience, would tell us that personal isolation is the greatest predictor of health outcomes.  Those that are struggling with physical or mental ailments, do worse when facing a situation alone as opposed to those who have a support network to help get through the struggle.

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, we must be vigilant in addressing the continual threat of isolation that can create major risks for us achieving our hopes and dreams.

There is a tendency that when we face struggles, we turn inward as oppose to turning outward to others to address our situation.

• In our schools, students who struggle academically or socially tend to keep their challenges to themselves.
• In our homes, when relationships are strained, we have a tendency to go to our separate corners or simply attempt to put up a wall to separate us from our problems.
• In our workplace, there is a sense that we need to figure out the problem ourselves as opposed to reaching out to draw on the experience and knowledge of others.

The impact of isolating ourselves in the midst of struggles can have a significant negative impact in many areas of life.

Below are a few thoughts on what we can do to address the major threat that isolation poses in reaching our full potential and helping others to do the same.

1. Gain a greater appreciation for the reality that we all have a tendency to turn inward when facing difficulties and the poor outcome that can be the result of that decision to turn inward.
2. Be continually on the lookout for our own risk of turning inward and also for those closest to us who seem to move into more isolation over time.
3. Model the way for those around us by reaching out to others when we are facing difficulties in a genuine and authentic way to encourage others to do the same.
4. Take the time to highlight the positive outcomes that were the result of coming together as a family, a workgroup, or a class to reinforce an effective choice that avoided the threat of isolation.

As we remain vigilant in facing the major threat of isolation, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and help others do the same.

There is a tremendous need in most areas of life to squeeze out inefficiencies that slow us down or cost us time and quite often money.  In many organizations today, we often hear about creating a more efficient work environment in order to maintain competitiveness in the marketplace.  On a personal level, there are websites that can help us be more efficient with planning schedules, meals, vacations, and just about anything else.  There is also no shortage of books or consultants we could employ to help us be more efficient in what we do.

There is one critical area that often gets overlooked on a very personal level in families, friendships, and other close relationships.  The courage to ask for help is often times what separates a willing helper from a person in genuine need of help.

As we build and strengthen our character, it is the courage to ask for help that can create massive efficiencies in the strengthening of our close relationships.

We could spend a great deal of time discussing why we don’t ask for help, but suffice to say, many of us do not reach out for help when we truly need it.  We typically march on until disaster strikes and the cover-up has lost its effectiveness.

It may not be what we see on the news or read on the internet, but I am a firm believer that in most of our homes, schools, neighborhoods, and workplaces, people are genuinely willing to help someone in need.  What we all lack is someone with the courage to ask.

Yes, we all can, and need to, improve our listening skills and our ability to discern the real question behind the question.  However, experience would tell us that we are all good at the cover-up.  What would bring incredible efficiency and strength to our close relationships is if we personally modeled the courage to ask for help.

As a parent, we would give anything to hear about the real struggles of our children to offer help and assistance in overcoming a challenge.  Many times children (of all ages) don’t ask.

As a spouse, we would benefit much more from hearing what is at the heart of the struggles that often times manifest themselves in other ways like defensiveness, stonewalling, or contempt that cover up the real need for help.  Many times spouses don’t ask or give up after a few years of asking.

As a friend, we would open the door to much richer relationships if we went beyond the “everything is fine, things are great” comment and genuinely opened up and asked for help.  Many times friends don’t ask.

There are a number of benefits that we can bring forward when we have the courage to ask for help:

• We bring clarity to the need. Too often, our relationships wonder with unproductive energy spent trying to figure out what is at the heart of the struggle.
• We enable someone who wants to help with the opportunity to productively help. Many times there is a willing helper without the understanding of where or how to help.
• We demonstrate to others the necessary courage to be vulnerable and ask for help. Our example will help them during their time of need…and we all have times of need.

Many times, the complexity of our lives will hinder our ability to know exactly how to describe what it is we need help with and we just know the reality that we are hurting.  A simple, soft call for “help” can open the door for a more productive discussion than maintaining the cover-up until disaster strikes.

As we demonstrate the courage to ask for help, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to build stronger relationships with those closest to us.