This seems to be the season of bold, confident plans and predictions.  In the current political campaigns, we certainly see confidence displayed in plans and the direction of a particular candidate.  In the global economy, we see a series of confident predictions of innovations that will change our lives and also the dire predictions of the burden of debt that will drag the economy into a recession.  We seem to be in a public environment that thrives on boldness and confidence. 

These demonstrations of bravado may work well on the TV screen to drive top ratings. However, there is a missing ingredient to this public posturing.  As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, we don’t want to miss an important element that is absent in these public forums.  The missing ingredient is authenticity:  The courage to display a real and genuine sense to admit that things rarely turn out according to our well thought out plans.  There are always unexpected variables to encounter, bigger than planned obstacles, and changes in conditions we never thought would have happened.  

Living an authentic life, combined with a commitment to stay the course in pursuit of our goals, is an effective combination as we continue on our journey to reach our full potential.   

Authentic personalities are hard to find on the TV screen, in the newspapers, or on the internet.  However, authenticity is a critical element to provide the foundation for long term health in our most important personal relationships.

Here are a few suggestions on building authenticity in our relationships that matter most:

• Share not just victories, but also defeats. There is a natural bias for people to tune-out the conversation when it revolves around how great we are, but there is a natural interest to listen when we open up about times we fell short. There is a great deal of learning that can be shared when we describe the tough times of life.
• Face the reality that we are not perfect. Hint:  Others know that truth, so we should be ok with admitting it ourselves.  Perfection is an unattainable goal. 
• Demonstrate an unwavering commitment to stay the course in the direction of our purpose. This demonstrated commitment despite the ups and downs and our imperfections will be an example for others to follow. Authenticity combined with commitment is an effective combination for life.

We all play a series of roles in life.  Whether those roles are in the workplace, the home front, the community, or other areas of service, being real and genuine will help us reach our potential in the important relationships connected to these roles.      

Striving to live the authentic life with those closest to us is worth the effort and brings about a number of positive outcomes:

1. We prepare others for the reality of life. There are ups and downs and many failures along the way to reaching out goals.  Preparation for that reality helps minimize the time people may stay “down” when the tough times hit, and the tough times will hit.
2. Authenticity is contagious with those closest to us. When we display the courage to “be real” in our close relationships, we encourage others to take the same step.  Our efforts will help to minimize the amount of “masking” of pain and anxiety that is so prevalent in our world today.  The US Preventive Services Task Force recently recommended that every adult should be screened for depression as part of an annual check-up with their physician.  They did not come to this recommendation lightly, but there was an overwhelming amount of evidence that people are hurting and working hard to conceal the pain.  Being authentic with those we care about most may encourage them to open up and seek help rather than facing a struggle alone.
3. In times of trouble, people return to those they believe can relate to their situation. Being willing to share openly the pain and the joys of a full life with our relationships that matter most will help to remind others that our door is always open to help with an ear to listen and experience to relate to the struggles of life.

As we become intentional about living an authentic life combined with a steadfast commitment to keep moving forward in our journey, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.

The statisticians would tell us that after three weeks into the New Year, most of us begin to see those New Year’s resolution fade away and become lost and forgotten.  It is not so much that we already reached success or failure, but we basically just stopped caring and moved on.

Measuring success or failure in any endeavor is important.  However, as we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, a real concern is to address apathy when it creeps into our family, our personal and professional growth and our community…when we just don’t care anymore and don’t get engaged, set goals or get after achieving them. 

The real concern in life is not that we fell short of our goals or faced repeated failure in our attempts to achieve.  The real concern is that we just “checked out” in the major areas of life and just stopped caring.

Apathy rears its ugly head in a number of ways and in a variety of dimensions in our lives:

• “I am just burned out” maybe the way apathy appears from a career perspective. We get tired of the bureaucracy and red tape of an organization and we just grin and bear it until retirement or something better comes along.  It can also appear in the entrepreneur world when we just grow numb to the concerns of cash flow and bankruptcy risk.
• “I am just tired of being miserable and unhappy” maybe the way apathy appears in our closest relationships. “You are now on your own to learn the hard way” maybe the way apathy appears in dealing with a rebellious child.
• “It is beyond repair” maybe the way apathy appears in the challenges we face in our communities. When the challenges become so daunting because of the complexity created by the break-down of the family, generational poverty, lack of positive role models, ineffective public and private interventions, that we just check out with the general loss of hope because of the enormity of the problem.

Throughout our journey of life, we will all face moments when apathy enters our mindset.  Here are a few considerations to address the challenge:

1. Recognize it. Be attune to our own thoughts and perceptions to when we sense ourselves slipping into “I just don’t care anymore.”
2. Place a reality check on hopes and dreams. Being on the brink of “I just don’t care anymore” forces us to ask the big questions in life like purpose, goals, and what really matters. It gives us a chance to gain perspective on our own desires, clarifies needs vs. wants, and helps prioritize what is really important that we need to commit to doing.   
3. Take small steps in the direction we need to go with the perspective that the real meaningful and important things in life are achieved on a long, slow journey. Close relationships and service to a cause greater than our own is never captured in a get rich quick scheme.  

Our character, that internal voice that guides our thoughts, decisions, and actions can be a strong defense against apathy.  As we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like perseverance, compassion, understanding, and commitment, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to continue on the journey to reach our full potential.

 

Well, I guess we did not win the lottery last night.  Now what do we do?

Well, I guess our plans did not come together like we had hoped.  Now what do we do?

Well, I guess our plans to retire after 30 years with the company ended at year 15 with a downsizing exercise.  Now what do we do?

Well, I guess our dream of a quiet neighborhood ended when the neighbor’s grandson got the house.  Now what do we do?

Well, I guess our plan for “happily ever after” is not looking so good.  Now what do we do?

Well, I guess our plans for a care-free retirement ended when the kids moved back in.  Now what do we do?

Well, I guess our plans to hand down a great family business ended when the “supercenter” came to town.  Now what do we do?

The reality of our day to day lives is that many things don’t come together according to plan.  To pull from the wisdom of Ben Franklin, it is really only death and taxes that we can count on.

Resilience is a character trait defined as the ability to bounce back after a set-back.  As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, building resilience into our personal skill-set would be a most valuable endeavor to reach our full potential.

How do we handle a set-back?  Do we take our ball and go home, fold up our tents and walk away, or do we pick ourselves up, adjust our plans with the new set of information and get back after the goal?

Here are a few things to consider in helping to build and strengthen our resilience:

1. We are not the only one whose plans fell off the rails and we encountered a near term failure. Even the sharped dressed man or woman who sounds so smart, hits rock bottom every once in a while.
2. Work hard to remain humble when things seem to be going great. Humility will help soften the blow when a set-back comes our way.
3. It is ok to acknowledge the pain. We should all work to build our tolerance for pain and discomfort, but it is ok to admit a major set-back in an important area of life really hurts.
4. We set a helpful example to those we care about most when we demonstrate the ability to bounce back after a set-back. Set the example…It may be the most important life-skill we can teach those closest to us.

Our world continues to grow in complexity and uncertainty and as we continue to develop our resilience in dealing with the inevitable set-backs, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.

 

 

We all like a good race.  Whether it is the 100 meter dash, the NYC Marathon, the Kentucky Derby, or a NASCAR race.  It is exciting to see the race and how participants crossed the finish line.  There is a clear start and a clear finish.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we acknowledge the truth that there is no finish line concerning the important things in life like family, work, finances, and areas of service.  Even in death, our legacy carries on to impact those left behind.  We have to be careful to avoid the illusion of a finish line to our efforts.

There is the risk that we allow ourselves to establish some phantom finish lines that will determine our mindset and our effort.  We have probably all found ourselves at one time or another saying something like:

• When I reach a certain income level, then I can get ahead of the bills and things will be ok
• When the kids get out of diapers, then we will have some time and energy and things we be ok
• When I get through this busy season, then I will have some time to re-connect with my spouse and our relationship will be ok
• When I lose these 10 pounds, then I will feel better and things will be ok
• When I reach a career milestone, then there won’t be as much stress and things will be ok
• When I get this degree completed, then I can get my life in order and things will be ok

It is healthy to establish goals/milestones along the way to assess our progress, but there is a clear difference between a milestone achievement and a finish line ending the race.

The reality is our journey through life is a lot like the business model of the software industry.  We launch with the 1.0 version.  We get out there in life, learn some things, see some new opportunities, and realize we didn’t plan for everything, so we make a few improvements and then launch the 2.0 version…then 3.0 and we know how the story continues.

The illusion is that the next version will be the lasting version and all we will need.  Life continues to present us with new opportunities to learn and grow.  On the journey to reach our full potential, there is no final version.  We will continue to build skills and grow in wisdom and perspective.

If we don’t learn and grow, we miss our opportunity to maximize our impact on those things we care about most.

As we make the choice to live fully in the moment with the humility to know we are never done learning and growing, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to have a positive impact on those closest to us and in service to causes bigger than ourselves.

We are all familiar with New Year’s resolutions.  As we prepare for a new year, there is a general trend of many of us to set new goals or make resolutions to achieve in the coming year.  The concept of setting goals, building a plan to achieve those goals and using the new year to help jump start the process is a healthy and often convenient one to initiate needed change in our lives.

Based on our personal experience and the data from some academics who study this kind of information, the data would reveal that the vast majority of us will abandon, or just plain forget, our goals quickly as we move into a new year.  Today’s writing is not about rallying around some collective motivation or new process to more effectively achieve our goals.  There is already plenty of information out there to help us all get a little more motivated to achieve our goals.

Today’s writing is about the importance of recognizing progress along the way in order to keep the momentum going.  The “world” (feel free to insert your own relevant term) judges or highlights the finish line.  Most often it will be us alone in the quiet of the journey that will be in a position to celebrate making progress in the right direction.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, a helpful discipline we alone can exercise is the personal “high five” we can give ourselves for making progress on the journey to reach our goals.

There will be a great deal written about the steps to achieving the common goals of losing weight, exercising, reading more or some professional career milestone.

However, the real need to celebrate making progress towards often our most challenging goals, which is rarely written or talked about, is in having a positive impact on those closet to us in our homes and families.  Acknowledging the small steps of progress we make in:

1. Breaking the cycle of a painful past to bring healing to an important relationship
2. Judging less and encouraging more
3. Experiencing the lasting joy of serving and giving instead of the short term pleasure of getting our way
4. Effectively confronting an important issue rather than avoiding it
5. Courageously acknowledging our fears and insecurities while minimizing our concern of judgement or shame

The “world” will celebrate the big achievements in business, politics, entertainment, etc.  As we choose to celebrate making progress in the home and with the ones closest to us, we will build the foundation to achieve great things in the marketplace, the community, and our world.

As we make the choice to personally celebrate the small steps of progress we make in close relationships, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to bring health into critical relationships in our home and with those closet to us.

As we continue to set goals for ourselves, do not forget that “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” (Lao Tzu).  Congratulations, in advance, for the steps of progress you will make.

As our world continues to grow in complexity, uncertainty, and intensity we are often challenged with the reality that it is hard to keep pace with the changes and still make a positive impact.

One of the more efficient tools we employ to manage the complexity around us is by putting up a few filters on the things we see, read, and experience.  A current and practical example of using filters on how we deal with complexity is how we all navigate the internet.  Our smart phones, tablets, and computers are all preset to our favorite websites, we follow the people we like or agree with on social media, and we watch videos based on our own preferences.

Filtering certainly makes us more efficient.  With a world that is continually evolving, we risk taking a step back in our growth when we use too many convenient filters.  Over time, filters may become blinders as we are most often exposed to ideas and points of view that we already understand and agree with and we remove the real challenge of trying to fully understand another perspective.

Systematically and continually restricting ourselves with filters is certainly not a path to sustainable personal growth nor is it a path to understanding differences.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, expanding our perspective to see beyond our narrow filters will better equip all of us to make a positive impact in an ever-changing world around us.

Beyond the filters on our electronic devices, most likely, we hang out with people like us, we remain in our part of town, we consume points of view from the same sources on television, and we often miss the start of change around us because of our filters.

Complete unfiltered activity is not a healthy path either, so here are a few considerations to enhance our growth and expand our ability to understand:

1. Make an effort to listen to another generation. Listen with a genuine intent to understand, not change a person’s thinking.  Generational experience is foundational to our personal point of view.  Just take a quick review of someone who was a teenager and young adult in the 60s versus the 80s versus the 2000s to see some drastically different perspectives.
2. Occasionally gather information on current events from a different website or channel on television. This step does not mean we have to agree, it just means we are putting forth our own personal effort to understand. In a world that has become so polarized and filtered to the extremes, we risk expanding the wedge of difference rather than strengthening our efforts around things we hold in common.
3. Visit a different place beyond our routine. Whether it is a different coffee shop, restaurant, place of worship, part of town, or a different shopping mall. The experience will help us expand our perspective and understanding of our world that is not “just like us.”
4. During this holiday season, many of us will be visiting with family. As we enjoy the interactions, the food, and some good sporting events, intentionally reach out and listen to a family member that we may have previously “tuned out” because of a past difference. Our families will grow stronger with more understanding rather than more judgment.

We take a step towards personal growth when we intentionally remove a few filters in our life.  As we continue to grow our understanding instead of judgment, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to have a positive impact on those around us.

We all have a past.  We may not speak much about it.  Many of those close to us in our lives may know us well, but they probably don’t know all of our past.  Especially some of the deep valleys of our journey and more importantly, how those experiences have shaped our mindset and our perception of reality today.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, we can generate energy from looking back on our past as an opportunity to learn and grow as we move forward, or we can create burdens from looking back that limit our potential.  The choice is ours to make.

We have all made mistakes throughout many phases of our lives.  Even though we may grow in wisdom to handle things more effectively in the coming years, life brings new experiences regardless of our age.  With new experiences, we will inevitably stumble from time to time as we navigate the journey of life.

We build and strengthen our character when we view our past as an opportunity to learn and grow instead of carrying the burden of regret and shame.

Looking back and labeling experiences as regrets creates a huge burden on our future growth. Regrets often keep us from taking chances in the future and paralyzes us in the face of new opportunities.  We often choose not to do things if, in some small way, it reminds us of the pain of the past.

Looking back and viewing our experiences as an opportunity to learn and grow creates an energy source to reach our full potential.  We have renewed self-confidence that we have survived past challenges with a little bit more “street smarts” to apply to the challenges of the future and we move about getting after our full potential.  “I will do better next time” is a helpful reminder to all of us that life’s experiences can be applied to improve our impact tomorrow.

In addition to viewing our own experiences as opportunities to grow instead of regrets and feelings of shame, we can use that same mindset to have a positive impact on others close to us.  Instead of being quick to pass judgment on someone close to us who obviously made a poor choice, we can speak to them in terms of learning and growing through the experience instead of adding to their burden of regret and shame.  We could all help one another to stand a little taller in this life by encouraging growth through mistakes as opposed to adding a burden or regret or shame…especially to those closest to us.

As we turn the page on another year, looking back on our experiences as opportunities to learn and grow instead of burdens of regret and shame will help us continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.

The hustle of the holiday season is in full swing along with the stress of finding the right gift for friends and family. The barrage of special deals, discounts, free shipping, and “gotta have it” gift items is at a mind numbing pace.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, there is a principle that is at the heart of one of the most needed gifts we can provide those around us.  The principle of encouragement can help to bolster the positive impact we desire to have on others.  Encouragement is a most needed gift that we can readily give to those around us.

There has been a great deal of research done on the importance of the principle of encouragement.  We can probably all remember a time when someone, a close family member, friend, teacher, coach, or boss shared a word of encouragement when “quit” looked good and we were in a dark valley wondering how things were going to turn out.  Encouragement is a most needed gift.

As today’s world continues to grow in complexity and uncertainty, the principle of encouragement can go a long way to assist those around us to keep moving forward in pursuit of their hopes and dreams despite the challenges they face.

A word of encouragement provides several benefits to an individual:

• Encouragement helps to meet an important need in all of us; the need to know we belong. It reminds us that someone is interested in us and our present situation.
• Encouragement demonstrates that someone believes in our potential. In a world with a natural bent toward the negative, encouragement helps all of us refocus on a positive point of view which consistently proves to be the differentiator between people achieving goals and those that fall short….a positive mindset.
• Encouragement reminds us that we should have high expectations. Many times we can let self-doubt and fear steal our potential to do great things.  Encouragement helps us fix our eyes on the unlimited potential we have to make a difference in this world.

An important role we can all play is in helping others reach their full potential.  As we become more intentional about using the principle of encouragement, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to help others more effectively face the inevitable challenges in life and keep them moving forward along the path to reach their hopes and dreams.

 

As our world continues to grow in complexity and intensity, there is a great deal of time and effort spent on the journey through a number of additional steps along the path to reach our goals.

Raising a strong family in today’s world has become more complicated.

Maintaining a safe and stable community has become more complicated.

Securing meaningful employment has become more complicated.

Building a successful business has become more complicated.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, ensuring we can sustain our effort over the long term to reach our goals is critically important.  As we navigate the complexity of life in reaching our goals, one often forgot aspect of ensuring we have the strength to continue is our ability to focus on the moment.

Exercising the discipline to focus on the moment at hand, while our mind wants to think about next steps or treasure thoughts of the past, will build our strength and help us stay on the journey to reach our goals.

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States of America.  Enjoy the moment of time we have today. 

Life will continue.

Tomorrow’s journey will soon enough be upon us.

Yesterday’s journey is already a memory.

Do not miss today.

As we build and strengthen our character, make the choice to focus on the moment we have today.

As we celebrate Thanksgiving, our time is probably filled with a bit of traveling, cooking, crowds, and maybe a good football game.

Sometime during today, look around, and in the gap between yesterday and tomorrow, quietly enjoy the moment we have today…and be thankful.

When we exercise the discipline to postpone the concerns of tomorrow, minimize the thoughts of yesterday, and focus on the moment we have today, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to be thankful.

The world and our communities move forward because someone steps up and takes the initiative.

Social change and charitable causes move forward because someone steps up and takes the initiative.

Innovation and value creation in the marketplace move forward because someone steps up and takes the initiative.

Family relationships in the home move forward because someone steps up and takes the initiative.

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, the ability to see the need for change and then take action is an important opportunity for all of us to set an example for others to follow.

There are a few common traits around those who take the initiative:

• They have a high level of awareness and empathy to see and feel a problem to be solved or a need to be met.
• They genuinely care and emotionally ache for the struggle of others or the difficulty of a situation.
• They have the courage to step forward and take action.

For those who have ever felt like you were just out there on your own, seeing something that no one else could see, and you wanted to take action…take the action.  Thank you for taking the initiative.  Our world, our communities, and especially our homes need you.

Just remember,

For each one of us who cares enough to take the initiative, there will be a handful of people around who will say, “You should have done it this way” (a.k.a. “I could have done it better”).

There will be others who will think and maybe say, “Who do you think you are doing something like this?”

And then there will certainly be the countless masses who may just not see it, may not care, or just don’t want to turn off the TV and get off the couch.

Our world, our communities, and especially our homes need someone to take the initiative and act.  Thank you for taking action.

When we take the initiative to drive productive change in our home, our workplace, or our community, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to have a positive impact in our world and especially those closest to us in our homes.