There is an important reality we all must face.  Even with all the support and care we may have around us, there are times when we are truly on our own.

• When taking an exam in biology class, we are on our own.
• When dealing with an unruly 2-year-old in a crowded shopping mall, we are on our own.
• When making a sales pitch to a customer, we are on our own.
• When covering a wide receiver man-to-man on defense, we are on our own.
• When we are “in the moment” with a difficult relationship conflict, we are on our own.
• When we face that choice right now to support a harmful addiction, we are on our own.
• When we enter the ring, we are on our own.

For many of us, we have others in our lives who care for us and provide much needed support and love.  Having healthy, supportive relationships in our lives forms a critical foundation for a life of positive impact.  However, the most difficult and necessary reality we all must face is that there are certain critical moments in life when we are all alone and need to stand and deliver.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, an important challenge we need to accept is that we are on our own as we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions.

Below are a few positive outcomes from accepting the reality that we are on our own:

1. We learn that we are responsible and accountable for the decisions we make. Playing the “blame game” is not an option when we are on our own.
2. We become free to guide our own thought-life, not mom or dad, a spouse, teacher or boss. We own our thoughts…and what we think, we become.
3. We are well-positioned to make a decision on our faith. Just like in the Biblical story of David and Goliath.  David was physically alone in the valley with Goliath, but he knew he was not truly alone.  When we find ourselves all alone in life, we are in a most perfect position to make a decision on what we believe.

As we accept this most difficult and necessary conclusion that even with others around us, there are times when we are all alone, we build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential.  Also, as President John F. Kennedy most famously said, “Pray not for easy lives, pray to be stronger men,” we are in a great position to make a decision on what we believe.

Let’s face it.  There is a lot of stress and worry in our world.  It is becoming more and more difficult for all of us to put on our “happy face” on a routine basis and sweep stuff under the rug.

It is not just geopolitical factors and a stumbling global economy that are driving the tension. We experience most of the pressure in our homes, schools, at work, and in our communities.  Peace, joy, and happiness seem to not make interesting headlines, so we usually get a real adult dose of the pressures of our world from all the major news outlets.

At times, a little stress in our lives helps to kick us into gear and get down the path we should have been going a while ago.  For the most, however, consistent stress and worry is not healthy.

One important truth is that stress and worry do not take away the pain that may come tomorrow, but they sure take away our strength for today.  Today and tomorrow are often connected by stress and worry.  As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, principles like perspective, hope, and carpe diem (seize the day) with help us effectively deal with stress and worry in order to reach our full potential.

How we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions around today and tomorrow will help to determine our impact.  Here are a few thoughts to consider in order to connect today and tomorrow in a most meaningful and productive way:

• Reality check. It is important to acknowledge the truth that we all have some degree of stress and worry. We are not a one-off freak show because we worry and feel stressed out. Sure, some of us may be a bit better at concealing it, but we all live with it.
• Small steps. The Grand Canyon was not created by a meteor strike. It was the slow steady movement of water over time. It is tempting to think that one great event, a great pump-up speech, or some motivational insight will help us overcome stress and worry.  Practical experience teaches us that our daily habits, the laying of bricks one by one, is what brings about a solid foundation for lasting change.  
• All we have is today.  Living productively today by being present, mentally and emotionally, is our best way to link today and tomorrow.  Maximizing our impact today brings a sense of peace about facing tomorrow.  To be very candid, there will be times when the worry of tomorrow will be a bit too much to bear by just trying to stay focused on today.  When that is the case, one small step to take is to use today to completely focus on preparing for tomorrow.  The active preparation for tomorrow has a natural way of building confidence to face the next day’s challenges.

We all will face stress and worry throughout our lives.  As we take small, consistent steps to guide our thoughts, decisions, to maximize today, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to have a positive impact on those around us and enable us to reach our full potential.

Finding truth these days seems so elusive.  It is not just because we are in a political season.  Our world continues to grow in complexity and intensity which provides an opportunity to cover up truth in a maze of complicated, uncertain, and seemingly unique situations.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, there is one simple, universal, and timeliness truth that we will cover in today’s blog that should not be dismissed among the complexity that continues to grow all around us.

Before covering the one truth, here is a little background.  At Harvest Time Partners, the intent of our work is to reinforce that Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential regardless of our situation.

Why is character so critically important?

In answering that question, below are two realities we all must face in life:

1. We will experience both ups and downs, great highs and great lows. Whether it is in school, work, our community, and certainly in our homes, we will encounter situations that provide us with an opportunity to learn and grow. There is no “easy street” to live on…we cannot fully appreciate great highs without experiencing great lows.
2. There are always three aspects to our experiences:

a SITUATION: There is our present situation.  Sometimes our situation is beyond our immediate, personal control like the weather, a call from a close friend with an unexpected terminal illness, a reckless driver running a red light, an outburst from an individual in an overwhelming situation, etc.  Other times, we made a decision to place ourselves into a certain situation.

a GAP: There is a gap, a moment in our consciousness, that forms our response to the situation.  The gap could be a split second or a long period of time.

a RESPONSE: There is our response to the situation.

The one simple, universal, and timeless truth is this: How we fill the GAP will determine our potential and our emotional health. 

In the GAP, lies our character.  We are not confined to a stimulus-response type paradigm like animals.  Our unique human quality, our character, provides us with the potential to choose our response in any situation.

The truth about our potential in the GAP has been around for ages.  The world’s dominant religions all teach this truth and modern history has provided numerous examples of this truth.  We possess the potential to rise above our situation and effectively use the GAP between our situation and our response.

Our character is Standing in the Gap® between a situation and our response.

Our character is our inner voice (our internal compass) that guides our thoughts, decisions, and actions.  When we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like courage, loyalty, honesty, and commitment, we build and strengthen our character.

As our character is strengthened, we develop our most effective response in the GAP. 

Our most effective response will eventually lead to an improved situation and a pathway to reach our full potential and sustained emotional health…and the opportunity continues with every situation.

How does this play out in the real world?

In the workplace:

• With a situation of tremendous personal success, do we take all the credit or do we acknowledge the principles of teamwork and the commitment and sacrifices of others?
• With a situation of a major shortfall, do we blame the boss, company red tape, competition, or do we acknowledge the principles of personal responsibility and continuous learning to expect of a better outcome next time?

In the classroom:

• With a situation of a poor grade on an exam, do we blame the teacher and the “system” or do we acknowledge the principles of preparation, planning, and humility to ask for help?
• With a situation of bullying or shaming, do we ignore the environment, or do we acknowledge the principles of courage and compassion to defend those who may not be able or willing to defend themselves?

In the home:

• With a situation of a wayward teenager or adult son or daughter, do we dismiss them or do we acknowledge the principles of loyalty, commitment, and understanding to ensure no one feels all alone?
• With a situation of a struggling marriage (all marriages go through difficult times), do move quickly to the exit, or do we acknowledge the principles of commitment, sacrifice, and gentleness (strength under control) to navigate the incredibly painful episodes in marriage?

As we face situations in life, there is always a gap between our situation and our response.  How we fill that gap will determine our potential and our emotional health.  Our character stands in the gap and our Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential regardless of the situation.

If we chose to believe the statistics, either ourselves or someone close to us on our left or right struggles with feeling alone.  If we take an honest reflection of our own lives, there are probably times when we felt the sense of being out there all alone facing a particular situation:

• In the workplace, we can feel alone in dealing with a difficult boss, being a part of a project team that just doesn’t function like a team, or when we lost that “critical” account and everyone is turning their eyes on us.
• In school, when the “cool” group leaves us behind or we are chosen last on the playground for kickball, we can feel a bit lonely.
• In the home, we can feel alone during times of struggle in a marriage, children whose birth order may align with certain experiences (it is more than just the middle child syndrome), or when adult children start making life choices that conflict with the hopes of parents.

We can all feel lonely from time to time.   

There were two times in my adult life when I have walked down the road with a friend facing a terminal illness. In both experiences, they commented how wonderful it was to have family and friends around to help them in their most difficult situation.  However, both of them, from very different backgrounds and walks of life, made the same comment to me that even with all these people around, their journey down that final road is an extremely lonely one.

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, embracing the bright side of loneliness will help each of us reach our full potential throughout the ups and downs of life in our home, the workplace and community.

Like most things in life, we can view challenges as a reminder of our own weaknesses or we can use challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. We make that choice every day and dealing with loneliness is no different.  We have a choice.  There was recently some published research on the best ways of coping with loneliness and of all the options like group therapy, community intervention, pharmaceutical treatments, etc., the most effective was some individual support to encourage changing our own thoughts and beliefs about ourselves.

As we view these occasions of loneliness as opportunities to grow, here are a few ways to remind us of the bright side of loneliness.

1. The first step towards self-improvement. The quiet of loneliness is a helpful place because the first step of any great movement starts with struggles in the present.  In the quiet of loneliness, quite often we can see the need for change.  Whether it is in our careers to find something purposeful that excites us, or in our educational pursuits to study something that can help us to have a real positive impact, or in our homes to take steps to be a better spouse or parent.  Our desire to improve our situation starts with some dissatisfaction of the present.  In the cold quiet of loneliness, we often find the spark to ignite positive change in our lives.
2. We can make a quick turnaround. In the final assessment, making a shift in mindset is all up to us. There is empowerment and energy that comes with standing and facing our situation alone without the challenges of miscommunication, unmet expectations or half-hearted commitments that sometimes comes with large group efforts.  We can move quickly in guiding our own thoughts, decisions, and actions.  As we look into the mirror, we need to ask, “What are we waiting for?”
3. A helping hand to others. Our journey through loneliness can be a helpful source of encouragement to someone who needs it most. We should be genuine and authentic in sharing our journey with someone else.  As Plato once said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” Someone close to us may need to hear our example of overcoming, but they may be too ashamed, embarrassed, or hurt to ask.  Sharing our journey with those we care about most should be thought of as a potential source of encouragement to them, not a needed badge of honor for ourselves.

As we chose to see the bright side of loneliness, we can increase our chances of overcoming.  We will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on others.

Many times we wish for a quick fix to move rapidly through some challenging times.

• Financial struggles – We wish the lottery numbers would come our way or that long lost Uncle Harry shows up on the doorstep with a briefcase full of money…don’t count on it.
• Business struggles – We wish our first product would be the “must have” product for the market and we struggle to keep up with demand…don’t count on it.
• Family struggles – For the most painful of all of life’s struggles, those in the home, we wish those dark times in a marriage or those “know it all” teenage attitudes could just be avoided…don’t count on it.
• And why can’t our YouTube video go viral like so many others? Don’t count on it.

Although it may seem like a great option, the quick fix to struggles actually does more harm than good.  There is an overwhelming amount of evidence that shows a quick fix is not the most effective path to reach our full potential.  When a quick fix arrives, we end up wasteful and most often unhappy when the “fix” fades away and the “fix” always fades away sooner than we think it can.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we make the choice to embrace the struggle of the journey as we would not want it any other way.  It is highly unlikely that the lottery solves our problems, the next big thing scales our business and somehow we enter a period of family bliss like the TV shows of our youth.

Below are a few reasons to help encourage all of us to embrace the struggles and enjoy that fact that we will need to work hard for a long time to succeed in the marketplace, save our marriage and raise our children effectively in this uncertain and complicated world.

1. A sense of peace from a “hard day’s work.” There is no quick fix that can surpass the peace experienced after successfully enduring a long struggle.  Whether that is the completion of a difficult physical workout, the reflections after a graduation, the silver or gold anniversary celebration, or the signing of a major business transaction.  We rise above the pain of the struggles and reflect peacefully on the journey that we walked through to reach a major goal.  No quick fix can match that feeling of overcoming through a long journey.
2. Continual learning and personal growth. The reality is that we only learn through the struggles.  Ask any coach at any level of play.  Teams learn more from a loss than a win.  We learn more from poor product launches than when they go well.  Struggles bring personal growth and growth leads us down the path to reach our full potential.
3. Setting the example for others to follow. Whether it is coworkers, family members, or friends in the community, we are being observed.  We set a strong example for others to follow when we embrace the opportunity of the struggle.  The spirit to continue is contagious and we light a spark for someone else to continue in their own, often unspoken, difficult struggle.

As we face the reality that a quick fix to our problems is not in the cards and we learn to embrace the struggles of hard work, disappointment, and outright confusion, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential.

The bookstore shelves (or Amazon.com) are lined with helpful hints on handling difficult relationships and tips on how to handle conflict with someone important in our lives.  These resources help address the reality that we don’t live on an island.  Life is about relationships and relationships, even with the best intentions, will get complicated, strained, and a bit sloppy from time to time.

The important relationships in our home, workplace, and community are worth our best effort to keep them moving forward in a positive direction.

With this blog, we have often discussed the importance of understanding one another because of the cold reality that we each see the world as we are, not as it is.  Deep understanding of each other’s point of view often leads to forgiveness and forgiveness brings about the opportunity for redemption even when relationships have become broken and shattered.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character an important principle to sustain healthy relationships is taking the long view in our day to day interactions with those important in our lives.

If we agree with most relationship experts and perhaps our own honest reflection of our life’s journey, we would see that most of us have a tough time with difficult conversations with those closest to us.  One of the great dichotomies of life is that conflict of ideas and decisions in the home, workplace, and community can create real difficult situations, but yet confrontation, healthy discourse, and diversity of opinions are the life blood of organizations and families. (Take heart parents who argue frequently…research says our kids will be better able to think on their own because they constantly see their parents with different opinions which drives them to think for themselves because their parents certainly haven’t solved it for them.  For those of you who have the “perfect” relationship with no disagreements or where that “one person” always gets his/her way, be forewarned, your kids may not be well prepared to handle life’s inevitable differences of opinions.) 

If we take the time to reflect back over conflicts and difficult conversations, quite often we realized we made a mountain out of a mole hill, the issue that brought about the conflict was not the “real” issue, or it just was not a really big deal after all.  Time is a great counselor because it gives us perspective.

One of the most difficult interpersonal challenges we all face is how to take a long term perspective in the heat of the moment.

There is always a gap between our situation and how we respond.  Standing in that gap is our opportunity to take the long view in the heat of the moment.  Principles such as understanding, responsibility, loyalty, and commitment, help us to rise above the heat of the moment and widen that gap to create a more constructive interaction to solve difficult problems.

When we chose to take the long view in the gap between our situation and our response, we take several steps towards sustaining health in our important relationships:

1. We focus on the principle and not the person. If there was dishonesty in the situation, we focus on the breakdown of an important principle.  We don’t just call someone a lying, selfish jerk.  Addressing the principle without attacking the person opens the door for dialogue.
2. Timeless and universal principles such as honesty, loyalty, and commitment give us a strong foundation to more effectively see others’ points of view. Our foundation on principle also helps keep our own emotions in check in the heat of the moment.
3. We set an example for others to follow…our character stands in the gap between our situation and our response and principle based behavior is contagious.

We have tremendous potential for growth and development as we stand in the gap between our situation and our response with thoughts, decisions and actions based on principles such as loyalty, commitment, and perseverance.  As we stand on timeless and universal principles, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to build healthy relationships that grow stronger rather than weaker with different perspectives and the conflict that results.

In follow-up to last week’s blog that focused on the female mindset, today we will turn our attention to the male mindset.  Compared to last week’s blog, I feel a little more secure in talking about this area, but nonetheless I will be making some generalizations based on the available research and my own life experience. I appreciate your understanding if I fall short.

As a reminder from last week, the importance of an upbeat, learning and growing mindset is not only critical to our overall emotional and physical health, but as we view those around us with an initial impression of open and honest compared to secretive and deceptive, we begin to build the foundation for healthy relationships.

What we see in our mind’s eye is the first step in reaching our full potential.

If I were to synthesize all of the academic research, the influence within most families, and the impact of our society on the development of our mindset, it would be this:

We are more than we think we are

Regardless of how we answer the perennial question, does art imitate life or does life imitate art, there are some clear examples of art describing the mindset of most men.

In 1986, The Fabulous Thunderbirds release their hit single “Tuff Enuff” (I am sure a few of you are singing along right now). The song’s chorus of “Ain’t that tuff enuff?” asked the question that lingers in the minds of men. The question of, “Am I man enough?”  For many common, every day occurrences, there is the continual question of do I measure up to being a real man.

Rodney Dangerfield was part of a unique set of comedians who paved the way for so many in today’s comic circles. Rodney’s signature line was “I get No Respect!” (I am sure many of you can see Rodney fidgeting with his tie as he said that famous line). Similar to the man enough question, the idea of being respected is a predominant part of the male mindset.

The issue of being man enough and being respected does not go away with the transition off of the middle school playground.  These thoughts just migrate into the workplace, the community, and most certainly our family life.

Although there has been a fair amount studied and written about these issues, the reality is most men address these lingering concerns like we unfortunately do with most things, silently alone and in the backdrop of our thoughts day to day.

Even with outward success (define that as you wish), most men will reach a certain milestone and these issues will continue to linger and result in the quest for another milestone in the hope that these issues will finally be adequately addressed…and if we can’t reach it, maybe our children will and we attempt to live peacefully in the backdrop of our offspring’s accomplishment.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, an important aspect of reaching our full potential is to understand the attitudes and behaviors of the environment we live in, understand how those attitudes maybe deep seated in our subconscious, and continually work to rise above a limiting mindset to see a more fulfilling, productive path to reach our full potential.

Similar to the initial statement above that “we are more than we think we are,” if I was to consolidate all the research, family influence, school yard (and workplace) dynamics just for the mindset of a man, I would say:

You are strong and courageous and more respected than you think you are.

Below are some thoughts to help raise our sights on these important realities:

1. As our world and our homes continue to grow in complexity and uncertainty, just being consistent in climbing back into the ring each and every day to fulfill our responsibilities is a sign of genuine strength and courage.
2. There is most often a thin veil of respect from others because of our achievements or possessions. Sustained, healthy respect and admiration from others is most often achieved when our thoughts, decisions, and actions are not about “ME,” but about serving others.  Serving others starts first in the home which sets the tone for service that can have significant impact in the world around us.
3. One additional thought with regards to what seems like a lifelong journey to accomplish “things” to satisfy these concerns of being a real man and being respected…satisfaction and peace come through having a clarity of purpose beyond material attainment that can guide and direct our day to day efforts. As men, we need to own that effort to find purpose.  If you have a man in your life, I would respectfully ask you to encourage an open discussion and an eventual decision around finding that purpose that could direct his ways. Start today.

As we work hard to proactively build an effective mindset that we are stronger and more courageous than we think we are, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential.  I wish you all the best on your purposeful journey.

One of the most frequent topics on this blog is around the importance of our own mindset in reaching our full potential.  As the Book of Proverbs reminds us, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

The importance of an upbeat, learning and growing mindset is not only critical to our overall emotional and physical health, but as we view those around us with an initial impression of open and honest compared to secretive and deceptive, we begin to build the foundation for heathy relationships.

What we see in our mind’s eye is the first step in reaching our full potential.

If I were to synthesize all of the academic research, the influence within most families, and the impact of our society on the development of our mindset, it would be this:

We are more than we think we are

We will split this blog into two parts.  Research and our own practical experience would suggest there are some different mindset limitations between females and males.  We will cover females today and males on the next blog.  As a male, I realize I am stretching more than a bit to say I understand the female mindset, but I have done my best to incorporate a vast amount of published work and my own life experience to draw some conclusions.  I appreciate your understanding if I fall short.

The Dove Real Beauty Sketches series touched a nerve with over 60+ million people.  I would highly encourage you to view the short 3 minute video.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

Over time, there have been other studies and resources that help give us insight into the environment that has the potential to be a significant driver to some hardwired thoughts in the minds of women, both young and old.  Here are just a few examples:

• Outward beauty and appearance correlate to a wonderful life
• Leadership and innovation in science, technology and business are beyond practical reach
• Physical and emotional strength may not be sufficient for all the challenges in life

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, an important aspect of reaching our full potential is to understand the attitudes and behaviors of the environment we live in, understand how those attitudes maybe deep seated in our subconscious, and continually work to rise above a limiting mindset to see a more fulfilling, productive path to reach our full potential.

Similar to the initial statement above that “we are more than we think we are,” if I was to consolidate all the research, family influence, school yard (and workplace) dynamics just for the mindset of a woman, I would say:

You are stronger and more brilliant and beautiful than you think you are.

Those words were chosen specifically because of a few key realities:

1. Despite having numerous examples of tremendous emotional, mental and physical strength around us, the mindset that many girls grow up with is that they are not strong enough.
2. In our world, we often don’t mix brilliant and beautiful in the same description. It is one or the other that is highlighted.  Despite numerous examples of women driving scientific and technology discovery, there is still the predominant framework that the fields of scientific discovery and business innovation will be dominated by men.  Also, as evidence of the impact of the Dove beauty sketches, the perception of personal beauty still impacts the mindset of women.
3. One additional thought and suggestion…every father should remind his daughter (s) that they are stronger and more brilliant and beautiful than they think they are…and never stop reminding them of that fact as they will be continually bombarded, beyond the middle school playground to include their own journey in relationships and family, that they are not strong enough or brilliant and beautiful enough. Start today.

As we work hard to proactively build an effective mindset that we are more capable, talented and brilliant and beautiful than we think we are, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential.  This week we addressed women and next week we will address men…stay tuned.

We will continue to hear a great deal about comparisons throughout this election year in the United States.  Are you better off now than you were 4 years ago?  Is your job more secure now than it was 4 years ago?  Are your opportunities to reach your hopes and dreams more plentiful?

The political season brings out a great number of comparisons.  Most, if not all, are not too helpful as they point the finger of blame at someone else or some other political party and do not account for our own individual responsibility.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, a more productive set of comparisons are the ones we can do on ourselves.  As we take an honest personal assessment of ourselves, we can begin taking responsibility for the progress (or lack of progress) and working towards improvement and reaching our full potential.

If we asked ourselves the questions below, what would we say?

• Am I a better listener now than I was 4 years ago or am I still more concerned about getting across my point of view?
• Am I more negative than I was 4 years ago or am I more hopeful?
• Am I more set in my ways or have I become more open and curious?
• Am I better at keeping my commitments now than I was 4 years ago?
• Am I quicker to forgive or am I still struggling with some bitterness?
• Am I learning and growing more now than I was 4 years ago or am I still just stumbling along?
• Are some close relationships that went cold 4 years ago getting any better?

Or am I still as perfect as I was 4 years ago?

We can either keep losing ground or we can keep making progress towards reaching our full potential.

The choice is ours.

Or as Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) said in the film Shawshank Redemption, “I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.”

When it comes to building and strengthening our character and reaching our full potential, when we look back over 4 years, 8 years or 36 years, we will not be able to blame a government program, school initiative, company training program, or a difficult close relationship…it will just be us looking in the mirror.

One nice thing about another election season is that we have one more chance for a fresh and hopeful start…for us personally, we have the blessing of a fresh and hopeful start every day.  Let’s not waste it.

As we become more intentional about reaching our full potential by taking small steps to make small improvements that will add up over time, we build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential and set an example for others to follow.

Over the last 15+ years, our collective sense of security has continued to erode in our communities and the world.  The tragedies that we have witnessed continue to get more shocking as we all journey through uncharted waters and find it difficult to make some sense of our new reality.

Today’s topic is not going to solve the world’s security challenge, but will rather focus on something closer to home.  As we work to positively impact those closest to us, the hope is that the ripple effect of that collective impact can help to counteract the trends of our day.  There is an unspoken request within each one of us, that when acted upon, can strengthen the foundation of our well-being and best position us to reach our full potential.

When you look back into the history of your life, did you ever have someone who believed in you even when everyone else seemed to bail on you, including yourself? Someone who stayed with you regardless of the situation?  Did you ever have someone who did not give in to you while also not giving up on you?  If so, who is that person?  Just for a moment, can you recall those experiences that impacted you so deeply?

For each one of us, there is an unspoken request for a person like that in our lives.  Academic psychologists and our own life experience would say that having a person in our life who believes in us, through the good times and most importantly the bad times, is a critical element to our own well-being and will help enable us to raise the bar on our own potential.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, the challenge for each one of us is not to search for someone like that, but to strive to be “that person” to those we care about most.  We build and strengthen our character in the service of others when we meet this unspoken request in those around us.

I wish it were not the case, but I am sure there are a few who in your present situation or in your life’s history, could not see an individual who stood with you regardless of the situation.  This won’t be a pump-up speech from some high priced motivational speaker, but have a genuine moment of sadness and then prepare to get back in the ring as we all have a duty to those closest to us to bring about a better tomorrow.

As we look to meet that unspoken request in others and be “that person” who keeps the hope of potential alive in good times and in bad, here are a few simple and practical ideas to help:

1. Listen…really listen for the content being described and the emotion being felt. Listen with the intent to stand in their shoes and know what it feels like.  Without getting too scientific, the most practical way for us to start is to just shut up for a moment.  Our chatter does not help us understand.  We already know what we think.  Turn our attention toward others.
2. Be thoughtful and resolute in the consistent reinforcement of timeless and universal principles…there is still truth and relevance to principles like honesty, commitment, loyalty, and duty. These principles are a helpful way to remind others about an effective path forward when behavior has gone astray without letting “our opinion” be an obstacle to shining light along the path of a very dark journey.
3. Provide a clear, unmistakable sense that “I am with you.” Those closest to us need to feel it and see it that we are not going to bail when the going gets tough…and it will get tough.  We are not perfect and in tough situations our imperfections often get magnified, but we should always come back to reinforcing the point that “I am with you.”

Our challenge today is to resist the temptation to wish for and search for “that person” for ourselves, but instead proactively be “that person” for those close to us.  The practical reality we all know to be true is that what comes around, goes around, and we will attract others who learn to share in our mutual effort to meet the most important unspoken request within all of us.

As we make the decision to be “that person” who believes in someone, even when they do not believe in themselves, we will build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® for us to have a lasting positive impact on others and reach our full potential in our journey of life.