There is no doubt we are living in a time of increasing complexity and intensity. Whether it is tension on trade wars, struggles in our communities, or businesses trying to navigate global competitors that seem to pop-up overnight, life seems to be getting more challenging.

With the growing complexity of challenges around us we tend to become overwhelmed and sometimes paralyzed with the sense that the challenges are insurmountable. Many times, we look to leaders in politics, education, business, and religion to support our ability to effectively deal with the challenges we face.

There are the great examples we read about like Gandhi leading change in India without ever holding public office. Churchill galvanizing the British people during time of war. Ronald Reagan as the catalyst for driving change to end the cold war. On the business front, we read about Jeff Bezos of Amazon changing the world of commerce and Elon Musk spearheading great technical advances with Tesla’s electric cars and space exploration with the company Space X.

However, the most important actions of people becoming a catalyst for change are those we don’t read about in the headlines. They are the actions of individuals in the home. The individual behaviors of parents, grandparents, and children within the home have always been the greatest catalyst for maintaining positive change over time. These are the behaviors that can scale and impact generations.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important for us to maintain the perspective that we can start where we are today, with those closest to us, to effectively deal with the uncertainty we see around us. Driving major change around the world and around our community is about individuals being the catalyst and those individuals are first and foremost impacted by behaviors in the home. Behaviors that scale begin in the home.

We all have our roles to play. Some of us are playing direct, major roles right now in dealing with the complexities we see all around us. However, for the vast majority of us, our best effort to impact these larger complexities can be brought down to clear and simple steps we can start with those closest to us in our homes.

For all of us, it does not matter what kind of home we came from or what condition our family is in today. We cannot rewrite the past. What matters most is what we do going forward to model behaviors to scale for a brighter tomorrow. We will always remain a son or daughter, a brother or sister, a parent or grandparent, a spouse or ex-spouse.

Here are a few thoughts on building behaviors that scale with those closest to us that can eventually expand to impact the world around us:

1. Intent. The risks are too great if we just “wing it.” We need to be intentional about modeling effective behaviors like compassion, understanding and commitment.

2. Time. We need take advantage of those moments between commitments of work, school, and community to create a meaningful connection. In this day of personal electronics, we need to be careful that we all don’t allow our “chill time” with headphones on to overtake some time to connect.

3. Conversation. Just talking beyond one syllable grunts is a great start for many of us. Taking it to the next level would be to have a conversation that starts with us just listening to a voice that needs to be heard without judgment or pontificating about the need to change.

4. Hope. We will always have challenges. The behaviors in the home should be the source of encouragement and hope for a better tomorrow.

As we guide our behaviors in the home by principles, like understanding, patience, and commitment, we will build and strengthen our character, and Character Creates Opportunity for us to create a positive impact in the home and scale those behaviors throughout our world.

What do we achieve when we “have to” do something?

When we “have to” do something, we come to realize that we have the capacity to do more than we ever imagined.

In today’s world, we very rarely hear the phrases “I have to” or “I must do” something. We pride ourselves on self-expression and keeping our options open to avoid feeling boxed-in by obligations and commitments.

Many times, our self-expression manifests itself in phrases like, “I just felt like doing something different” or “I just felt like it was time for a change” or “I am just not happy anymore.” These choices often come about when the going gets tough and the outcome we desired is not so certain.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, we need to be careful that our desire for self-expression and keeping our options open does not side-step commitments and responsibilities to enable a quick exit when times get tough.

When we come to that point in life when we “have to do” something, we soon realize we have virtually unlimited potential. A common expression shared after a significant accomplishment is, “I had to do it…I had no other option, but to continue.”

Ask any young parent, “How do you stay up night after night with a young baby with colic or just a troubled sleep pattern and still manage to function and be productive throughout the day?”  Most often you will hear, “It is just what I have to do.  There is no other option.”

Ask any immigrant family, who came to this country and overcame tremendous language and cultural barriers to survive and provide, “How did you do it?”  Most often they will respond with comments like, “We had to make it work.  Returning to our homeland was not an option.”

A detailed review of the great breakthroughs in scientific discoveries would reveal a sense of “I have to” find answers to these great questions.

Marie Curie became the first and only woman to win the Nobel Prize twice and her work to isolate uranium opened the door to so many discoveries in the field of medicine.  She spent most of her life in financial hardship, endured the tragic death of her husband early in their marriage, and conducted most of her greatest research in a leaky, rusted out shed.  Friends and associates would recall her passion to find the answers to some of science’s most complex questions.  With frostbitten toes and working in that shed on an empty stomach, she saw her work as having no other option, but finding the answers.

When we have no other option and we “have to” do something, we are often amazed at what we can accomplish. It is important to routinely look in the mirror and see if there are areas in our lives where we have conveniently created options to avoid the commitment of saying, “I have to”?

• Is there a troubled relationship with a family member that could be repaired with a “have to” commitment?
• Is there a son or daughter who would benefit from seeing a parent with a “have to” attitude around the important things in life?

When we find purpose in doing what we “have to” do, we build and strengthen our character, and Character Creates Opportunity for us to reach our full potential and be a positive impact on those around us.

In today’s fast pace world, we seem to give great credit to those who can deliver quick powerful points of view on major issues at the dinner table, the workplace, and in the community. We are continuously fed well-articulated sound bites on complex issues via news-feeds and social media posts that continue to send us signals that we all need to prioritize stating our point of view at the expense of any other form of communication.

With the current bombardment of noise and volume, we are at serious risk of losing the most important first step in building and maintaining healthy relationships, the ability to be an active listener to those we care about most.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, being disciplined and consistent with our effort to focus on listening will remain an important first step as we look to be our best for those we care about most at home, work, and in our community.

Even without our sound-bite focused and loud world, we all seem to either be wired to or have been conditioned to share our point of view and experience, not necessarily to win an argument or debate, but also to potentially help someone’s personal growth and development. However, the reality is that without taking the important first step of listening to the other person, our effectiveness in sharing our experience and point of view will be severely limited.

Instead of prioritizing our “brilliant” responses or sharing our “one-of-a-kind” experiences, we should work hard to let listening to the other person be the full focus of our efforts. Placing a priority on active listening as an important first step will be the gateway to healthy relationships with those we care about most.

Here are a few encouraging reminders to focus our energy on the important first step of listening:

1. Listening is a simple and powerful way to demonstrate to someone that they matter and meets the basic universal need of all of us to be understood and accepted for who we are today.
2. Listening comes before influence. Until those closest to us know that we care enough about them by our willingness to listen, they will rarely “hear” what we have to say. If we want to have influence, listening is an important first step.
3. Listening first helps others feel safe to talk, helps validate their emotions, creates the gateway for a true conversation to begin, and for at least a moment, ends the “costume party” we all typically live in.
4. Listening opens our hearts and minds to understand what lies beneath someone’s behavior. We only see the world as we are, not as it really is. Listening creates insight into the real world of others and helps to stifle quick judgments by the voices inside our head.

Being an active listener takes a great deal of effort as we have a strong tendency to want to respond and talk about our own point of view. As we focus on listening as an important first step, we will build and strengthen our character, and Character Creates Opportunity to have a positive, enduring impact on those we care about most.

In a world that continues to increase in complexity and change, a perpetual challenge we all face is how to remain relevant or at least not be a hindrance to growth in our close relationships, workplace, and community.

History would teach us that some of the traditional currencies like money and skills don’t last forever. In a world where financial markets can see money change hands between winners and losers quickly, job skills become outdated at an alarming rate, and even the next big idea gets old faster than ever, what is the currency that endures and creates incredible value over time?

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, being intentional on building wealth with a currency that endures over time is a most effective choice for us to have a lasting positive impact on those around us.

The global, universally accepted currency that lasts throughout financial market swings, technology revolutions, and political strife is the currency generated from a willingness to help those in need, providing comfort to the brokenhearted, seeing the best in others, and maintaining a positive, hopeful mindset even when others see doom and gloom.

When we build wealth based on the currency of character, we will see results that have been proven over time to last. Wealth built on the currency of character has no limits and is available to all people, regardless of gender, race, nationality, or upbringing.

Here are a few of the outcomes that endure with wealth built on the currency of character:

• We build strong relationships that have a better chance of lasting the inevitable painful events that we will experience, and life is measured by the relationships we build.
• We are viewed as open and welcoming to others because we meet a very basic need of all of us, to know that we matter.
• We create a ripple effect of good will that sets an example for others to follow in our home, place of work, and community.
• We dramatically improve our ability to build the traditional currencies of money, skills, and ideas that can make a measurable impact in this world.

As we focus on building wealth based on the currency of helping others, teamwork, compassion and understanding, we will build and strengthen our character, and Character Creates Opportunity to have a positive, enduring impact on those we care about most…and they deserve it.

Chances are good that during this time of year, you or someone close to you is stepping into a new school year and the challenges of making another transition. Transitions are tough.

There is a great deal written and discussed about the opportunities for personal growth that come when we walk through a major transition in life. What is often left without comment is the opportunity for those who are alongside someone going through a transition to connect deeper and in a more meaningful way.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, being intentional with support for those who are experiencing change will open a door to a healthier and more resilient relationship with those we care about most.

Transitions are a regular part of life…there is no avoiding change in our lives and those around us. These experiences bring about a wide spectrum of emotions from excitement to worry, hope to fear, and energized to exhausted.

Here are three specific steps we can take to effectively support those going through a transition that can strengthen our relationship and prevent the stress of transition from creating a fracture in relationships we care most about:

1. Listen: Listening is a simple and powerful way to demonstrate to someone that they matter. Listening does not require an advanced degree or special training. All it takes is a simple decision to be silent and give someone our attention. Being a good listener will encourage others to share more of their lives with us.  We typically keep hidden our painful experiences. Being a good listener can help build a trusting, non-judgmental, and shame-free atmosphere, which can help open a door to sharing some of the pain experienced during a transition.
2. Presence: Our presence is often more powerful than our words in comforting someone going through a transition. Academic research and our practical experience would remind us that just being there is a source of comfort. Not spouting some philosophical wisdom or relating our own experience, but just our presence can aid the afflicted more than our “brilliant” speech. For those of us who often feel anxious about what to say or what to do, it is important to be reminded that there is greater value and impact in just being present when aiding and comforting those closest to us.
3. Touch: We are all well aware of the physical bonding that happens between a loving parent and a young child. There is a strong body of evidence to suggest that loving, physical contact at any stage of life is critical to our physical, mental, and emotional health. During times of transition, the opportunity to touch with a hug or a pat of the back can be our primary means of communicating compassion.

As we become intentional on being more effective in supporting others going through a major transition, we will build and strengthen our character, and Character Creates Opportunity to improve the health of our relationships and encourage those we care about most.

If you are old enough to read this blog, you have seen your fair share of times when the clouds roll in:

• When the struggle in a close relationship seemed to reach a point of despair
• When the strain of financial pressures in the home seemed overwhelming
• When our emotional or physical health seemed to be at a breaking point
• When our professional journey seemed unsatisfying after so many years

Just like in a bad storm, when the clouds roll in on our personal situation, the light of day is dimmed, and we struggle to find a clear path through the storm and become unsure if or how we are going to make it through.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, being most effective in handling our thoughts, decisions, and actions during times when the clouds roll in will be an important life skill to help us reach our full potential.

It should be no surprise that we all still can get caught off guard and sometimes shocked when the clouds roll in. The main reasons are two-fold; First, we tend to not proactively address an issue, or we dismiss it when it seems small and just routine.  We typically only get serious when we hit the wall at a breaking point. Secondly, we have all been somewhat trained as young kids on the fairy tales of happily ever after and as adults with TV shows or movies where the problem gets solved and peace is brought back into the world.  However, we all know that the reality we experience when the clouds roll in can stick around for a while and maybe does not ever get fully resolved.

Regardless of our present life situation, we can confidently state that we will continue to experience times when the clouds roll in.  Here are few thoughts to help us be most effective in handling these difficult moments:

1. We are not alone in experiencing some cloudy and dark situations. Despite the exterior of those around us, everyone has some dark moments. Take comfort in the fact that we are not an outlier with this present challenge.
2. We have been here before and, in many cases, effectively handled the last time the clouds rolled in. Open the door to hope based on our past strength to overcome.
3. Take one day at a time. There are no quick fixes to the major challenges in life.  Taking very, very small steps in an effective direction is within our control.
4. Reach out for a connection to someone. Perhaps a friend or family member or a professional trained to help. We run into greater trouble when we stay alone and isolated. Talking face to face and a comforting touch on the shoulder or the holding of someone’s hand can have dramatic effects on our mindset.

Once last thing, it is always best to try and address an issue sooner rather than later. Avoiding a seemingly small issue now may manifest itself in bigger and uglier ways in the future.  In a genuine and caring manner, try and start the conversation today with those you care about most.

When the clouds roll in, if we can anchor our small day to day actions based on principles like courage and commitment, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to be most effective in addressing the situation and keep us on the pathway to reach our full potential.

We hear a great deal today about the culture in our communities, the workplace, our schools, and our connections with social media.  The culture, whether spoken or unspoken, is that shared set of values, attitudes, and social practices that set the tone for how we interact.

We all want a culture and a community where we can be free and safe to reach our full potential, hurting people can get the help they need, there is a willingness to listen and learn from different points of view, and there is steady progress in making the future better for the next few generations.

Creating the culture we desire starts with each one of us, not with someone else.  As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, we need to not wait for the new boss, the new mayor, the new president, or the new leader to show up and declare a new culture, we need to leverage the connections we have around us to build the culture we desire.

Psychologists and social observers would say we all tend to look towards a leader, a king, a president or someone with social status to drive the agenda on culture and community.  This behavior helps us avoid the burden of responsibility when things go wrong. However, the truth is that culture and community emerge from the behaviors we exhibit in the connections we make day by day regardless of what we see and hear from those in traditional seats of power and influence. The entertainment industry, business, politics, and our communities have their own culture, not because of one person, but because of the shared behaviors of individuals over time.

As we look to build the culture and community we desire, here are few practical realities to help us stay on an effective path:

1. Culture is the most powerful force we have to create the kind of community we wish to live in.
2. Culture moves at glacial speed. It slowly grinds along and takes enormous effort to change direction, but where and when it moves, it changes things fundamentally for a very, very long time. Glaciers have enormous power, just like culture, but they don’t change course because of the occasional severe storm or heat wave.  They move and change with purposeful, long-term intention and decision.
3. Culture is not created by a new boss, king or president. It is created by each one of us. Leadership can certainly help or hurt the culture, but how we behave with those around us directs the path of the glacier of culture in our communities.
4. Culture starts within our homes. The initial behavior patterns of how we treat others with respect, how we show compassion, how we help others, how we deal with differences is all learned in the home.  The glacier of culture in our communities, workplace and world has its genesis in the home.

Regardless of our past experiences or current situation, we can start today to shift the direction of the glacier.

As we commit to daily actions anchored on principles like loyalty, teamwork, and understanding, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to shape the culture and the community in which we wish to live and direct the glacier to positively impact the next few generations.

Our world continues to grow in complexity…and opportunity for those who are open to learn.

Most of us would not prefer to live back in the stone age or even early American life where things seemed to be less complicated.  However, the challenge for all of us who desire to be best we can be at home, at work and in our communities, is are we open to learn?

“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” — Alvin Toffler

As we continue our journey to build and strengthen our character, maintaining a mindset that is open to learn will be a great asset as we work to reach our full potential and be a positive example to those around us.

The facts are clear that if we don’t remain open to learn, we will fall behind in our relationships, our careers, and our ability to impact this world. However, we all face a few common obstacles in remaining open to learn: (1) It is simply much more comfortable to just stick with what we know as it takes extra effort to learn new things (2) When we try to learn new things, we often reveal a few of our weaknesses which can be emotionally tough for us to endure (3) Learning new things may show us that we were not effective (or just plain wrong) with our prior choices which can be a difficult truth to admit.

We live in the most exciting of times as the pace of change and transformation is almost unimaginable and as we remain open to learn, we will discover opportunities to be the best we can be for those we care about most.  Here are a few thoughts to encourage all of us to remain open to learn:

• We remain youthful. It is quite often the youth of a generation that drives new thinking and progress.  As we remain open to learn, we regain a bit of youthful excitement for the opportunity of life even if our muscles and bones don’t feel too youthful.
• We gain wisdom. As we remain open to learn, we should not dismiss the fact that prior experiences are still valuable in order to minimize the risk of re-learning mistakes from the past as we journey into new areas. Wisdom, gained from the past, is still extremely relevant in times of great change.
• We remain relevant. We run the risk of being marginalized and left behind in a rapidly changing world if we don’t remain open to learn. We remain relevant to those around us as we participate and learn in our ever-changing world.
• We become rich. “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.” Ben Franklin. As we learn new things, we will live a rich life in which money is not the currency and it can’t be taken away without our permission.

As we remain open to learn with the support of principles like courage, commitment and sacrifice, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to be our best for those around us.

Many of us struggle with making decisions.

• Decisions in the workplace can often be avoided as we seek more data or more time to see things develop
• Decisions in the home may not seem as urgent and it can often seem harmless by pushing them off for another day
• Decisions in our community often face the complexity of rules and regulations that make it easier to just blame the bureaucracy than to make a decision to change

As we continue our journey to build and strengthen our character, developing the discipline to make decisions will enable us to translate thoughts into actions and take us further down the path to reaching our full potential.

Experts in decision making and perhaps our own personal experience would remind us of a few realities about avoiding a decision: (a) A critical question to ask ourselves is are we just afraid of taking the responsibility that comes with deciding? Afraid of what may result in a failure, embarrassment or something worse and (b) Delaying a decision is in fact a decision that has consequences.

As we look to strengthen our decision-making ability, below are a few thoughts on helping us all move forward:

1. Decisions matter. Making decisions teaches us personal responsibility and over time, we become a product of our decisions.  Our environment and genetics become a side show over time and as an adult, we need to face the reality that we become products of our decisions, not our environment or upbringing.
2. Decisions bring clarity. When making decisions, we are often choosing one path over another. Clarity is a more effective state than ambiguity.  Speaking the decision (to ourselves and/or others) can act as a physical reinforcement of the decision we are making. “I am making a decision to…” It often provides the clarity we need to move forward.
3. Decision making is hard. In making a decision, we inevitably face the reality of potentially making a poor choice, upsetting those who don’t agree, and standing all alone.
4. Not deciding can bring more harm than good. Failing to decide helps us avoid responsibility which is never a good thing, leaves others wondering where we stand which creates distance in our relationships, and burns precious energy as we churn in neutral as oppose to focusing our energy down a certain path.

As we rely on principles such as courage, resilience, and hope to become more intentional about making decisions, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.

We all have a past.

If each one of us spent enough time unpacking it all we would uncover some experiences, that no matter how long ago they occurred, can still make us feel good about ourselves and some experiences that make a us feel a bit down on ourselves and still some experiences, quite frankly, we are probably just thankful our mother never found out and they never made the front page of the local paper or the YouTube highlight reel.

Regardless of the unique events of our pasts, the similarity we share is that our experiences still follow us today.  Our past experiences are either holding us back or they form a firm foundation to propel us to reach our full potential.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, a critical step we need to take is to develop a healthy view of our past in order to not let some painful experiences follow us with a dark cloud that limits the view of our full potential.

If we spent some time working through our past with someone caring and skilled, we probably would come to realize that we still hold on to some of these experiences in an unhealthy way.  If we spent enough time and worked really hard on unpacking our past with someone caring and skilled, we would probably uncover some experiences that we may have thought we dismissed or did not initially recall but are actually still holding us back from being our best selves.

The reality is we have experiences in our memory both at the conscious and unconscious levels that impact how we view our past as it relates to reaching our full potential in the future.

We all need some help to be our best selves.  Below are a few thoughts on developing a healthy view of our past which will enable us to create the foundation to reach our full potential in the present and future:

• Rise Above to better understand. As we view experiences in the past, it is important that we “rise above” to take a view of all the people and events in order to process the full situation. Like a coach in a skybox, rising above will help us see the full field of play and understand the chain of events surrounding our experience.  For example, we may come to realize someone who hurt us in the past was dealing with an overwhelming set of circumstances and acted from a deeply trouble situation. The improved understand of the events may not excuse the behavior but understanding will help us process our experiences in more healthy way.
• Assess and Learn to grow. Once we improve our understanding, then we can focus on fully assessing the situation and learning from the experience. Learning from the past, as opposed to condemnation, shame and/or bitterness, is the healthy pathway through pain in our past that will support personal growth.
• Adjust and Move Forward to our future. Our past should not limit us, regardless of our experiences.  If we can process events in a healthy way, we can adjust our mindset and form a strong foundation to keep moving forward to reach higher and realize our full potential.

No matter how “down” we use to feel about a past experience, if we focus on learning and growing, we can create a healthy mindset around some pretty difficult experiences and use them to bring about the bright future we desire. As we guide our thoughts about our past by principles such as understanding, courage, and compassion, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to build hope for the future for ourselves and those close to us.