There is no doubt we are living in a time of increasing complexity and intensity.  Whether it is the current tensions in “hotspots” around the globe, struggles in communities close to home, or businesses trying to navigate not just marketplace competition and economic trends, but the significant social and political changes within their areas of operation.  Even though they don’t make the front page news, we also know there are underlying tensions in the home that then manifest themselves in actions we do see in our schools, communities, and workplaces.

With the increasingly complex problems around us we have a tendency to become overwhelmed and sometimes paralyzed with the sense that the challenges are insurmountable.

In a real and practical sense, the complexities we see are not the result of some “community” behavior, “society” behavior, “organizational” behavior, or even “family” behavior.  They are the result of individual choice and the behaviors that stem from those choices.  A community’s culture, an organization’s culture, a family’s culture simply and practically flow from individual behavior.

The only real individual behavior we have control over is our very own.  We are free and accountable to behave in response to the situation around us.  Our individual behavior is where change begins.  When we look across the history of time, we see individuals that are the catalysts for change.  Not technologies or mass moments, but individuals are the genesis of driving change.

There are the great examples we read about like Gandhi leading change in India without ever holding public office. Churchill galvanizing the British people during time of war.  Ronald Reagan as the catalyst for driving change to end the cold war.  On the business front, we read about Lou Gerstner turning around IBM in the 1990s, Steve Jobs coming back to Apple and driving the next great wave of innovation, and Elon Musk spearheading great technical advances with Tesla’s electric cars and space travel.

However, the most important actions of people becoming the catalyst for change are those we don’t read about in the papers or on the internet.  They are the actions of individuals in the home. The individual behaviors of parents, grandparents, and children within the home has always been the greatest catalyst for change over time.

It is the behaviors within the home that day in and day out set the tone for the next 8 hours in the classroom, the workplace, the community.  Those behaviors in the home, collectively over time, form the foundation for individuals to step up and meet the opportunity on a much larger scale and become the catalyst for the really big changes we will eventually read about in newspapers and in history books.

Driving major change around the world and around our community is about individuals being the catalyst and those individuals are first and foremost impacted by behaviors in the home.

We all have our roles to play.  Some of us are playing direct, major roles right now in dealing with the complexities we see all around us.  However, for the vast majority of us, our best effort to impact these large complexities can be brought down to clear and simple steps we can start in our homes and with our families. 

Our character, the internal compass that drives our thoughts, decisions, and actions, is the starting point for those important behaviors in the home.  As we build and strengthen our character with behaviors based on honesty, respect, understanding, courage, compassion, and discipline, we will create the foundation to encourage others in the home to act based on those principles in school, the workplace, and the community.  Eventually some of them will drive positive impact on the world’s stage.

When the complexity of this world begins to feel overwhelming, we should all remember the role we can play to drive change begins simply and clearly in the home.  As we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to improve the world around us.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, there is the occasional need to remind and reinforce the truth that there are no quick and easy solutions to address the major challenges of life or to accomplish our major goals in life.  As the saying goes, “If it were easy, everybody would be doing it.”

Despite the reality that there are no easy fixes, we continue to be baited and many times hooked to the idea of “3 simple steps” to awesome relationships, the “10 minute workout” that will keep us healthy and fit, or by simply answering the “one big question” we will energize our team to win in the marketplace.

When I hear those “simple and easy” pitches, I am reminded of the quote by Michelangelo, “If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery; it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.”

There are a number of techniques that can help us increase our personal effectiveness, achieve some goal, or support our team to reach a key milestone. These techniques may change with the times and the technology, but there are two principles that will help to determine our level of effectiveness over the long haul.

The first principle is Education:  Formal education in high school, college or graduate school will certainly play a part.  However, for most adults, continual, ongoing education throughout life is the critical factor.  When we remain open to learn from others, from our experiences, from mentors and friends, take a new class, read a book, or watch an educational video on the internet, we continue to grow.  When we make a choice to remain closed to continually educating ourselves, we fail to grow.  Failing to grow is a problem no “quick fix” will overcome.

The second principle is Effort:  There is no substitute for the energy required to work hard and persevere.  The significant achievements in life don’t come about from quick wit, smooth talking, or the one brilliant solution, they come about from good old fashion effort over time, just like we learned as kids.   Building and maintaining healthy relationships, especially those in the home, takes an enormous amount of intentional effort.  The “happily ever after” stories we read as kids fell short on that reality.  However, our life experience reinforces the reality that intentional effort over time is the foundation for healthy relationships.

In addition to being a good reminder for all us, I especially wanted to highlight these principles for two specific groups of people:

(1)    For those who are currently in a tough struggle to reach a goal and anxiousness, worry, and doubt are draining precious energy.  My hope is that this will be an encouraging reminder of the truth that education and effort are the foundation of achievement.  Reaching a goal is not about being the smartest, having the best connections, or just plain luck.  Education and effort will play to our favor in the long haul, so keep moving forward on those two fronts no matter how tough the present struggle.

(2)    For those who still maybe holding out hope that there is that secret, quick-fix formula out there to reach our hopes and dreams.  My hope is that this blog could be a sobering reminder to you and those you influence that the secret, quick-fix to the important things in life is not a reality.  Education and effort will always play a part in the foundation for achievement.

As we continue to increase our effort and our ongoing education, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to improve relationships, overcome challenges, and reach our goals.

There is a great deal written about, discussed, Facebook status updates provided, and testimonies given about the various disappoints, discomforts, and sufferings we endure during our journey of life.

Some of these are relatively light-hearted sufferings like a missed plane, a canceled meeting, the consistently late cable-guy, or the important phone call that was dropped while navigating a big city traffic jam.

However, many of us would classify some of these sufferings as almost too much to endure, like the untimely death of a loved one, a parent holding the hand of a terminally ill child, the heartbreaking destruction of a once close family, or the addiction that resulted in a tragic ending.

Although we all hope to avoid a great deal of pain and suffering in this world, the reality is that we all will endure our share of suffering.  Most of us will find a way to carry-on, some in silence and some with a loud roar.  There is no escaping disappoint, discouragement, and suffering.  Our natural pathway to addressing suffering is to rally our own strength, perhaps we are fortunate to gain some encouragement from others, and we endure with the hope that we will continue to grow stronger through the experience.

As a point to reinforce the importance of building and strengthening our character, it is helpful to highlight the other side of suffering.  The other side of suffering, the other side of enduring the pain, is an opportunity to grow in empathy towards the suffering of others in order to be a genuine and relevant source of comfort to those in need.

When we walk through the valley of suffering, as opposed to growing bitter, we have an opportunity to deeply understand the suffering of others and reach out to help others find comfort in their own troubled time.

There is often no greater connection that can be made with someone suffering through a difficult family experience than one who has also walked through that experience.  Those who have endured the financial hardship of a painful bankruptcy are often the most effective in guiding others through the experience of rebuilding their credit and confidence.  Who better to support and encourage someone struggling with addiction than someone who has walked down that same road?

Those who have endured a particular hardship are very often the most helpful to relate to the needs of those dealing with a similar struggle.

The other side of suffering can be an opportunity to build and strengthen our character when we:

(1)    Make the choice to grow in empathy towards the suffering of others as opposed to growing bitter through our own experience

(2)    Act on an opportunity to make a connection with someone who is enduring a similar struggle to our own.

(3)    Grow stronger, not just by enduring our own struggle, but also by the truth that being a comfort to others grows our own capacity to live a more abundant life.

As we use the experience of our own suffering to aid others in need, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to have a positive impact in this world.

Life is meant to be lived in relationships.  We cannot live life alone for any significant length of time without becoming unhealthy emotionally and then physically.  An important factor in our own health is the presence of others. In addition, any meaningful achievement in business, communities, or our world, was accomplished with people working together.

There is a great deal of modern day research to demonstrate the value of relationships.  In addition, no matter what religious affiliation or spirituality discipline we subscribe to, there is a great deal of comment on the value of relationships.  In the book of Ecclesiastes it says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”   There is an old Swedish saying that I came to know during many travels to Sweden for business that provides a simple and powerful reminder of the importance of relationships; “shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”

We all enjoy those moments of relationship with others when times are easy going and comfortable.  Many of us can relate to the joy of having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with a close friend or loved one when life seems a bit settled.  In addition, when we are in a difficult struggle, the companionship of someone who understands and cares is a huge source of strength during our time in need.

Like many experiences in life, relationships provide insight into our character.  It is often the difficult side of relationships that can be most revealing to us and a place where we can learn and grow. Most of us have been around the proverbial “block” a few times.  We have come to realize that all meaningful relationships have a fair amount of struggle and the fairy tale notion of “happily ever after” is not reality when life is in a constant state of significant transition in the home, the workplace, and the community.  Transitions bring new experiences and new experiences are a powerful door opener to stress and strain in relationships.

When relationships are strained (the unfortunate reality is they will be strained at some point), we have a real opportunity to build and strengthen our character.  Our effort focused on how we respond during that critical time has the potential to make all the difference in the survival or the demise of the relationship.  We probably can always find some fault on “the other side” of the relationship.  If we are honest with ourselves, they can always find fault on “our side” too.  There is little to no benefit in playing the blame game.

When our response, during times of struggle, is focused on patience (which is defined as long suffering by the way), understanding, and a desire to genuinely find a “better way” together, we will more consistently see the relationship survive the struggle. In addition, like any good workout routine, our strength to endure future struggles will be increased as our “muscles” get stronger with the workout.

As our thoughts, decisions, and actions are focused on rising above our situation and responding with patience, understanding, and genuine desire to find a “better way,” we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to build healthy and meaningful relationships.

As we journey back to school in the fall to continue our education, as businesses fine tune plans to finish the year strong, and as schedules get a little more jammed with activities, we will most likely face a few struggles in these transitions and we have an opportunity to strengthen relationships, especially those closest to us.

A great quote from former First Lady Barbara Bush is a helpful reinforcement; “As important as your obligations as a doctor, lawyer, or business leader will be, you are a human being first, and those human connections-with spouses, with children, with friends-are the most important investments you will ever make.  At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal.  You will regret time not spent with a spouse, a child, a friend, or a parent…Our success as a society depends not on what happens in the White House but on what happens inside your house.”

Our world has no shortage of issues that seem to create massive polarization between people.  Whether it is a political, social, economic, or family issue, we see a growing trend to move quickly to “our corner” of the ring. As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is an important time to reinforce how listening to one another is the first step towards empathy and empathy is at the heart of building constructive dialogue, improving relationships, and comforting the hurting.

There are plenty of “experts” who would described the importance of listening to others as a key ingredient to understand another person and through understanding, we can begin to build better relationships.  In addition, I am sure we have all experienced the occasional “aha” moments when we finally shut-up enough to listen and gained some real insight into understanding another person and why they have a certain point of view or why they took a certain action.

At several major academic centers there has been some exciting new research that demonstrates the power of our brains to relate to one another when we truly listen.  Researchers have gone beyond traditional techniques of simply mapping activity in particular regions of the brain.  This new research uses complex mathematical analyses to map patterns of activity in the brain, but not in isolation.  The research has added the dimension of measuring the relationship between the pattern in one person’s brain and the pattern in another’s.

Researchers are recording the brain activity of one person’s brain while they told a story and another person’s brain who was listening.  The two brain patterns consistently show a remarkable degree of correlation. The storyteller literally has gotten in to the listener’s brain and altered it not only on the logic-reasoning parts of the brain, but most importantly, on the emotional part of the brain.  By focusing on listening, the listener has been able to match the brain of the storyteller.  The listener felt the emotions of the storyteller.

This new research demonstrates over and over that when you listen to and understand another person, you experience the exact same brain pattern as that person.  It is as if you have experienced their experience.  The researchers demonstrated that our brains know little difference between our own experience and one we shared by listening to another. Our brains are impacted the same way.  Listening to another person can provide real insight into another person’s journey and help us understand.

This recent round of groundbreaking research is a strong reminder that our personal effort to focus on listening is an important choice that we can make to have a positive impact on relationships. Here are just a few thoughts to reinforce the importance of listening:

(1)    Listening is the most simple and powerful way to demonstrate to someone that they matter. Our decision to listen meets a very important psychological need of all of us – to know we matter.  Listening does not take a Ph.D. in psychology, an extremely high IQ, or some position in the corner office.  All it takes is a simple decision to be silent and give someone our attention.

(2)    As life today grows more intense and complex, before we instinctively move to “our side” with “our brilliant opinion,” we should first choose to listen.  As the research showed, when we listen, we actually feel the experience of the other person.  This is a relevant and practical choice for our home, our workplace, and our community at large.  As with many things, the greatest and most challenging area is listening to those that are closest to us.  We mistakenly think we know them well enough or we have allowed the obstacles of anger, frustration, and apathy to prevent us from listening to the other side of the story…and there is always another side to the story.

(3)    For most people, it is our painful experiences that have taught us the most and form the basis for many of the choices we make.  However, we typically keep hidden those painful experiences from others.  Being a good listener can help build a trusting, non-judgmental, and shame-free atmosphere which can eventually open a door to the sharing of those painful experiences to assist in a greater understanding of one another. Understanding is the foundation for health in relationships.

Listening, with the intent to understand, is a well-documented approach to improve relationships. As we make a decision to listen, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to build healthy and meaningful relationships.

For many of us, this time of year brings a mixed set of emotions.  The sunset of summer is upon us, fall sports are getting into full swing, and the anxiousness of a new academic year begins.  In addition, leaders across a variety of organizations are working to fine tune plans to execute on a strong close to the year.   At this time of year, I am sure we can all find ourselves in some position to positively influence those around us as they address their unique situation.

The topic for today is to provide some insight into how we can be most effective in providing encouragement to those around us as they face their unique situation during this time of year.

There has been a fair amount of research done on the importance of the principle of encouragement.  Most of the research has been done on how to provide encouragement and praise for positive behaviors and performance.  In addition, if we look into our own experience, we probably find ourselves relatively comfortable in providing encouragement to others when they are doing well.

The real challenge for both academic research and our own practical needs is in the area of providing encouragement to improve performance when someone falls short:

• When a child does not perform well in school or does not deliver on a particular activity.
• When an employee fails to meet expectations.
• When someone close to us simply misses the mark.

We all know that there is a critical moment in time when feedback is delivered that heavily influences the next steps for an individual.  When we do it well, chances are the individual will more forward to raise his/her performance. When we do it poorly, we create a greater problem by undermining an individual’s confidence and self-esteem.

A team of research psychologists from several leading institutions collaborated on some work to determine effective techniques to provide feedback that would encourage individuals to raise their performance. Without going into all the study details (if you wish, here is the study), they studied middle school teachers and the process to provide feedback on student performance.  What they learned can help all of us in our roles as parents, teachers, coaches, and business leaders to leverage the principle of encouragement in times when performance falls short.

The researchers found one particular statement that provided encouragement to significantly improve student effort and performance that they called it “magical.”  After some heavy statistical analysis on a number of different variables, the teachers that used this one statement saw incredible results with their students.  The statement that made the difference was “I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them.”

Just this one simple statement, delivered in that critical moment in time when constructive feedback was communicated, made all the difference in encouraging an individual to do better.

There are some key insights from this research and this “magical” statement that we can apply to the various roles we play to provide encouragement to those around us to improve performance and reach their full potential.

(1)    The statement helps to meet an important need in all of us; the need to know we belong. Recipients felt the teacher cared about them and in turn, they felt a sense of belonging during this important point of receiving critical feedback on their performance.

(2)    The statement communicates clarity around expectations; we have high standards.  The vast majority of us, when provided clear direction, no matter how difficult the task, will deliver.

(3)    The statement communicates a strong belief in the individual; I know you can do it.  Communicating a “validation” to someone else that they “have what it takes” to deliver is a tremendous encouragement to keep any one of us moving forward in our journey.

A critically important role we can all play is in helping others reach their full potential.  As we work hard to more effective use the principle of encouragement, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to help others improve their performance and reach their hopes and dreams.

“Yes – I can do this!”  We have all been there at some point.  We start out with a great deal of energy and excitement as we head into our journey towards that next big objective.

Many times we encounter some catalyst for change brought on by a meaningful event in our lives:  A significant change in our personal life, the ideas of a great speaker, the insightful guidance from a friend or family member, or some helpful concept in a book.  Some situation triggered our response to get motivated to take on that next challenge and go after another well intentioned goal.  We take off from that mountain top “high” with a great deal of enthusiasm.

After traveling a little ways into our journey, we eventually find ourselves off the mountain top “high” and into the valley.  The valley we encounter towards our objective is difficult.  The ability to clearly see our goal gets more challenging and somehow the journey does not seem as exciting as when we set off from the mountain top.

I am sure we can all relate to a few valley moments:

• After some time of progress on our new diet and exercise routine, things slow down a little and we notice a few pounds creeping back on the scale
• After some time in a new job, when our coworkers and boss don’t seem as supportive as they did at the start and the work is no longer exciting
• When that “sweet bundle of joy” we brought home from the hospital becomes angry and rebellious
• When the “I do” in marriage becomes “when you know what freezes over”
• When a poor choice brings about a bad outcome and there is no hiding from the consequence

On a much lighter note, but still a meaningful, teaching moment about the valleys of life, is the current state of our family garden (it is not in good shape as we come out of summer).

The “family” garden is probably one of the most relevant and practical examples of how things can come off the rails along our journey toward our goals.  A very simple, natural law, if adhered to, can bring about an amazingly abundant harvest:  Plan in the winter, prepare the ground and plant in the spring, water and cultivate all summer, and then in the fall, an abundant harvest.  The journey towards our goals in life are no different than the simple steps to a successful family garden.

We could all come up with a good laundry list of excuses when we are struggling in the valley and some of them are legitimate.  Storms do come in life and destroy much of what we tried to build.  Tragedy does strike.  People do fail to keep up their end of the contract.  However, for the vast majority of our journey, the consistent application of these timeless, universal, and self-evident principles will rarely cause us to fall short of crossing through the valley and reaching the next mountain top in our journey.

Below are a few suggestions around these principles to support moving through the valley and up to the next mountain top:

(1)    Set priorities.  We cannot do everything.  Be very selective and declare a clear “yes” or a clear “no” so our energy can be channeled into a few really important goals.

(2)    Plan and prepare.  “Winging it” or “going with the flow” is not an effective strategy.  We need to be intentional about outlining the direction we are heading and the habits we need to keep heading in that direction.  Our habits will help keep us on our intended direction in the darkness of the valley.

(3)    Cultivate/Execute the plan.  This should be the mechanical process of day in, day out executing our intended habits.  When our habits (thoughts, decisions, and actions) are guided by principles like perseverance, commitment, loyalty, and respect, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to move through the valleys and achieve that next milestone in our journey.

We will have our share of valley moments throughout life.  However, as we remain consistent in adhering to timeless principles, we will move forward along our most effective path on the journey of life.

 

A few weeks ago we wrote about the importance of making decisions (July 17^th blog on Decisiveness).  I wanted to expand on the topic with today’s blog and raise a common challenge around “the other choice” in the decision making process.

Let’s face it; decision making around the important things in life is tough work.  It requires thinking and it requires making a judgment.  At times, many of us would just prefer a checklist that requires little to no thinking and just a robotic like obedience to achieve a certain goal in life.  The reality is that the important decisions around family, education, career, and other areas of service, are all complex.  These decisions are rarely between right and wrong, they usually land somewhere between “pretty good” and “maybe a little better.”

It is easy to talk endlessly about ideas and opinions, but making decisions is the tough stuff that helps to build and strengthen character of which we discussed in the blog on July 17^th.  Some examples of those tough decisions we struggle with are:

• Providing opportunities for our children to learn responsibility and independence
• Financial decisions between spending now and saving for later
• Ongoing education choices for parents and children
• The time and effort between work and home
• The really big choices around our families and our careers

In making these difficult decisions, an important issue to raise is “the other choice.” The “what could have been” debate if we had taken the other path like in the Robert Frost poem, The Road Not Taken.

Psychologists would say much of the mental strain they see today is brought on by our tendency to struggle with the “what could have been” debate in our lives.  As these were big decisions in our lives, there is most likely a fair amount of emotion and perhaps pain associated with the choices we have made in the past.

I will state the obvious – There is no rewind button or do-over rule in life.  Our capacity spent trying to hope for a rewind or a do-over in life is an unfortunate waste of our limited resources.  So the question is, how can we use “the other choice” concern to build and strengthen our character and continue to move forward?  Here are a few suggestions:

(1)    Reality:  We will never know the full outcome of “the other choice.” We have a tendency to overemphasize the potential positives, but disaster also strikes on The Road Not Taken. This is one of the great mysteries in life, we only know for sure what we have in front of us today.

(2)    Understanding: Our most productive use of “the other choice” should be on understanding our thought process around the decisions we made at the time – What drove our decision?  We will become more self-aware of our weak points and our strong points that will help us in many aspects of our life.

(3)    Growth:  We can only press the forward button in life.  There is no pause and there is no rewind.  Our most effective choice on dealing with past decisions is to grow from them.  We can apply those gains to be more effective in our present set of choices and perhaps share our learnings with those closest to us.

As we work to reduce the strain associated with the “what could have been” debate and move towards personal growth based on learnings from our past decisions, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential.

Our communities, our workplaces, and our homes continue to grow more complex and diverse.  There is a growing demand for more education and training to ensure we can better understand differences, learn to fully appreciate differences, and then begin to leverage those differences to move in a positive direction toward our objectives.

Over the last 20+ years, we have all witnessed the increased attention on and the “managerial assessment” of our ability to understand, appreciate, and leverage differences to make our schools and communities better and our businesses more competitive.  As our businesses and our marketplaces become more diverse, there has emerged a critical skill set of leaders; Leaders need to be able to recruit and develop diverse teams, create an environment where differences are valued and efficiently assessed, and then take action on those differences to deliver a competitive advantage in the marketplace.  These efforts have helped to make businesses more effective in the global marketplace.

What stands in stark contrast to our efforts in our schools, communities, and businesses to understand, appreciate, and leverage differences to deliver better outcomes, is our limited effort to do the same in our homes.  Our unwillingness to make a real effort to try and understand, appreciate, and then leverage our differences within the home is at the root of some of the most painful and heartbreaking family conflicts.

There is a great deal of information and practical experience that demonstrates we are so willing to work hard in areas outside the home to appreciate the differences of others, but in the home, the data on family conflict would show we are unwilling to make the same effort to understand the differences around our dinner tables. We are often quick to dismiss or trivialize, or in some cases become intolerant of, the very basic differences within our homes.  Some of the differences that form the foundation of family conflict are leveraged to build stronger teams in the workplace:

1)      Communication styles: Expressive vs. introverts, talkers vs. listeners

2)      Work strengths: Time and attention to detail vs. productivity to get things done

3)      Process: The methodical planner vs. the spontaneous decision maker

4)      Schedules: The night owl vs. the early riser

5)      Personalities: The “rebel” vs. the one that “falls in line”

6)      Generational mindset:  Old school vs. new school

7)      Individuality: The tattooed vs. the non-tattooed  (well, I am not sure that one fits yet)

Incompatibility or “irreconcilable differences” is the reason given for most family break-ups.  This reason goes beyond marriages.  Incompatibility is at the root of parent-child conflict, in-law struggles, and the “exiled” cousin or uncle who disappears from the family radar screen.  Quite often, the genesis of our struggles in families is the devaluing or resentment of our differences instead of embracing and treasuring our differences to build something bigger and better than ourselves.  We would not tolerate a point of view in the workplace that says “we don’t like people to be different.”  However, in our homes, we are so quick and willing to enable differences to divide and break-up our family without first putting forth the effort to better understand those differences and hopefully, try and appreciate those differences to keep the family circle intact.

As we work hard to better understand, more deeply appreciate, and begin leveraging differences in our home and our workplace, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to build strong businesses and strong families.

Eternity. Some of us may have different views about the practical nature of our own personal journey through “forever” as a realistic timeline. I happen to believe there is an eternity for each one of us to experience and, like most things in life, it is our choice about how we experience that eternity.

However, for the purpose of today’s blog, I want to discuss a relevant and practical view of eternity in the form of the legacy we leave behind.

For a variety of reasons, most of us will not have our names in the history books, the world-record books, or any other well-known document read by millions in the next 100-200 years. [Except for things we do on an electronic medium via the web. Sorry, I just had to toss that in there as a warning to all of us that those regrettable emails, the photos that our moms would not approve, and those unkind, off-the-cuff comments online, will live forever. In the electronic world, the “e” does stand for a real eternity. In the workplace and among family and friends, we should all practice the discipline of “pause and think” before we hit “send” or update our “status.”]

Back on today’s message. Most of us have a real and practical knowledge of, and in some cases, vivid memories, of a few key people in the generations of our past. We certainly can remember parents, grandparents, and perhaps great-grandparents, but it starts to get real fuzzy after a few generations. Depending on our level of engagement with parents and grandparents, we may have memories of their friends, maybe coworkers and bosses, but for all practical purposes, there is limited personal knowledge beyond the family tree when we go back a few generations.

So there we have it; a practical view of leaving a legacy is that we probably have a realistic chance that our grandchildren and our great grandchildren will remember us. I can remember a great quote from Cal Ripken upon his retirement from baseball, when he was asked, “How do you want to be remembered?” Cal replied, “Just being remembered would be nice.” In many ways, a great hope for all of us would be to “just be remembered” by our grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I doubt any of us can recall whether a great-grandparent wore fashionable clothes, drove the finest car of the day, had a great watch, or some other material possession. At most, we remember, or we were told, whether or not they were involved in their family, in their work, and in service to a cause bigger than themselves. We remember if they were kind and helpful or mean and hurtful.

In terms of reaching our potential, it would be great to have a few generations along the family tree not only “just remember us,” but remember us as kind, helpful, productive, and committed to our family and to a worthy cause…the things that matter most.

As we think about leaving a legacy, here are a few practical considerations:
1) We need to be intentional with our efforts to leave a legacy as there is a great risk of being forgotten. Like many important endeavors, intentional effort begins with a big dream or idea, followed by the very practical steps of making a plan and then the discipline to work the plan. Leaving a legacy within our families is too important to just “wing it.”
2) As the saying goes, our thoughts turn into actions; our actions turn into habits; our habits develop our character; and our character becomes our legacy. Leaving a legacy starts in our thought life. When our thoughts, that drive decisions and then actions, are grounded in principles like commitment, loyalty, and sacrifice, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to leave the legacy we all desire.

I wish you all the best in leaving the legacy you desire. It is never too early for us to start. We only have that great unknown which is “the rest of our lives” to make progress.