Let’s face it.  There are times in our lives when we face the toughest of circumstances and we stand on the edge of losing hope.

Whether it is a close relationship that has unraveled and the reality of “happily ever after” seems unreachable.  Or maybe it is the teenage or adult child who has lost their way.  Or maybe it is the hopes and dreams of a business that has just run out of cash and its demise is imminent.  Or maybe it is the sense that the safety and comfort of the “good old days” are never coming back in our communities.

These are the times when all the money in the world could not buy a quick fix out of the situation and all the pump-up, positive thinking, motivation speeches sound like nails on a chalk board.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is on the edge of despair where we can find opportunity to learn and grow through difficulty.

On the edge of despair, is where our masks come off and the costume party we have been attending comes to a close.  In the very raw, unguarded, and openness of pain, when we have no strength to hold up the mask of “everything is fine,” we now can begin to move forward on the path to learning and growth.

On the edge of despair, there are several things to consider as we look to build and strengthen our character through these moments of opportunity:

• The most effective direction to move is forward towards the hurt and embrace the unguarded, authentic moment of pain. Take the mask off to begin to grow.
• Be intentional about avoiding the routine addictions we have learned to cover the pain. We all have our own ways of coping to keep the costume party going.  Growth comes when we realize the party cannot go on forever.
• Communication in times of pain is real, genuine and priceless for our growth. We should find someone we can trust and open up.  If we do not have someone in our close circle to confide in, then we need to seek out a pastor or counselor as the pathway to health is accelerated with open communication of our pain.
• Our very best will emerge from the pain. Psychologists and our own experience would demonstrate that we only grow in struggles.  “No pain, no gain” is not just a slogan for coaches during practice.  We have a massive human weakness to get soft, complacent, and lazy during moments of calm and order.  We should use the times of pain to grow…it is our only chance.
• No matter what the outcome of our present struggle, there is one positive step that can come out of any difficult situation. We can, and should, use our feelings of raw hurt to grow in empathy for others.  Our pain can be a catalyst for our growth in compassion for the struggles of others.  Another incredible accelerant on our pathway to health is when we turn to help others through their struggles.

When we stand on the edge of despair and we focus on growing through the struggle, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to remain on the path to our own emotional health and well positions us to be a helping hand to others.

One last point:  When we turn the corner on this present struggle, we should remember that life will always have another interesting event awaiting around the next corner.  If we can address our present struggle in a healthy way, we will be in a better to position to address the inevitable next bump in the road.  Enjoy the journey!

We live in relationship with others.  Whether we are an introvert or an extrovert on the personality scale, we live in relationship with others in the home, the school, the workplace, and the community.  Psychologists, pastors and wise old folks would tell us that life is about relationships and a healthy life consists of healthy relationships.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we identify some guideposts to keep us on the path to healthy relationships.

We live in a world that is quick to pass judgement.  It seems as we have all transitioned into the speed of the digital age for telecommunications, we have also accelerated our willingness to make judgements just as fast as we can scroll through a social media page.

This accelerated pace to judgement creates a risk for us veering off the path towards healthy relationships.

Empathy, the ability to understand and “feel” the emotions of another individual, is one of those important guideposts to keep us on the path to building healthy relationships.  Empathy is our gateway to understanding and understanding is the foundation for healthy relationships.

Empathy not only give us a better perspective through understanding, it can help us answer the question about why someone acted the way they did in a particular situation.

Expanding our level of empathy is not accomplished in a quick scroll through our most recent social media updates.  Empathy takes an investment to understand someone’s experiences, beliefs, and assumptions in order to better understand why they are the way there are and why they did what they did.

Like a lot of things in life, growing our empathy takes time and effort.  It is our choice.  Here are just a few thoughts around empathy that may help us to stay on a path to stronger, healthier relationships:

• The ability to understand one another through growing our empathy is the foundation for healthy relationships.
• Empathy takes an investment and we have limited resources of time and effort. Start with those relationships that matter most.
• Quick judgments on behaviors we don’t like because we don’t care enough to grow our empathy is rarely going to help us bring about the changes we desire in close relationships.
• A simple starting point when we feel like passing a quick judgement is to simply pause and ask, “Please, help me understand…”

As we continue to grow our empathy in the relationships that matter most, we will carry that discipline to our broader view of the world around us and we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to remain on the path building healthy relationships.

There is no denying that our world continues to grow in complexity, intensity, and uncertainty.

There are major international and domestic threats to our way of life that we often hear about in the news or experience directly in our communities.  The transparency of life that comes with the digital age also poses a threat to some very private situations or some regrettable activities that would have caused much less collateral damage in times past.  The complexity of life these days seems to pose a significant threat to the peace and stability we all yearn for in our lives.

However, there is one threat has been with us through the ages that continues to challenge us more than any other in the quest to reach our full potential.  The threat of isolation for an individual or a group presents a major threat to reaching our full potential.

Healthcare professionals, in both academic research and practical experience, would tell us that personal isolation is the greatest predictor of health outcomes.  Those that are struggling with physical or mental ailments, do worse when facing a situation alone as opposed to those who have a support network to help get through the struggle.

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, we must be vigilant in addressing the continual threat of isolation that can create major risks for us achieving our hopes and dreams.

There is a tendency that when we face struggles, we turn inward as oppose to turning outward to others to address our situation.

• In our schools, students who struggle academically or socially tend to keep their challenges to themselves.
• In our homes, when relationships are strained, we have a tendency to go to our separate corners or simply attempt to put up a wall to separate us from our problems.
• In our workplace, there is a sense that we need to figure out the problem ourselves as opposed to reaching out to draw on the experience and knowledge of others.

The impact of isolating ourselves in the midst of struggles can have a significant negative impact in many areas of life.

Below are a few thoughts on what we can do to address the major threat that isolation poses in reaching our full potential and helping others to do the same.

1. Gain a greater appreciation for the reality that we all have a tendency to turn inward when facing difficulties and the poor outcome that can be the result of that decision to turn inward.
2. Be continually on the lookout for our own risk of turning inward and also for those closest to us who seem to move into more isolation over time.
3. Model the way for those around us by reaching out to others when we are facing difficulties in a genuine and authentic way to encourage others to do the same.
4. Take the time to highlight the positive outcomes that were the result of coming together as a family, a workgroup, or a class to reinforce an effective choice that avoided the threat of isolation.

As we remain vigilant in facing the major threat of isolation, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and help others do the same.

There is a tremendous need in most areas of life to squeeze out inefficiencies that slow us down or cost us time and quite often money.  In many organizations today, we often hear about creating a more efficient work environment in order to maintain competitiveness in the marketplace.  On a personal level, there are websites that can help us be more efficient with planning schedules, meals, vacations, and just about anything else.  There is also no shortage of books or consultants we could employ to help us be more efficient in what we do.

There is one critical area that often gets overlooked on a very personal level in families, friendships, and other close relationships.  The courage to ask for help is often times what separates a willing helper from a person in genuine need of help.

As we build and strengthen our character, it is the courage to ask for help that can create massive efficiencies in the strengthening of our close relationships.

We could spend a great deal of time discussing why we don’t ask for help, but suffice to say, many of us do not reach out for help when we truly need it.  We typically march on until disaster strikes and the cover-up has lost its effectiveness.

It may not be what we see on the news or read on the internet, but I am a firm believer that in most of our homes, schools, neighborhoods, and workplaces, people are genuinely willing to help someone in need.  What we all lack is someone with the courage to ask.

Yes, we all can, and need to, improve our listening skills and our ability to discern the real question behind the question.  However, experience would tell us that we are all good at the cover-up.  What would bring incredible efficiency and strength to our close relationships is if we personally modeled the courage to ask for help.

As a parent, we would give anything to hear about the real struggles of our children to offer help and assistance in overcoming a challenge.  Many times children (of all ages) don’t ask.

As a spouse, we would benefit much more from hearing what is at the heart of the struggles that often times manifest themselves in other ways like defensiveness, stonewalling, or contempt that cover up the real need for help.  Many times spouses don’t ask or give up after a few years of asking.

As a friend, we would open the door to much richer relationships if we went beyond the “everything is fine, things are great” comment and genuinely opened up and asked for help.  Many times friends don’t ask.

There are a number of benefits that we can bring forward when we have the courage to ask for help:

• We bring clarity to the need. Too often, our relationships wonder with unproductive energy spent trying to figure out what is at the heart of the struggle.
• We enable someone who wants to help with the opportunity to productively help. Many times there is a willing helper without the understanding of where or how to help.
• We demonstrate to others the necessary courage to be vulnerable and ask for help. Our example will help them during their time of need…and we all have times of need.

Many times, the complexity of our lives will hinder our ability to know exactly how to describe what it is we need help with and we just know the reality that we are hurting.  A simple, soft call for “help” can open the door for a more productive discussion than maintaining the cover-up until disaster strikes.

As we demonstrate the courage to ask for help, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to build stronger relationships with those closest to us.

I am sure we can all relate to the strategy of cramming to study for that big end of semester exam.  We kind of paid attention throughout the semester, but in the end, we believe an all-night session of studying will be an effective option to make up for a semester in which we did not give our full attention.

More often than not, we probably found that despite all the warnings of how ineffective the cramming strategy was to learning, we experienced that cramming for an exam seemed to result in the outcome we needed for the moment in that we passed the test and the course.

Unfortunately for many of us, we continually employ the cramming strategy we learned in school to solve many of life’s pressing challenges.  We cram in a great deal of catching up on relationships with that much needed date night and family vacation to shore up those critical, close relationships.  We provide the all-encompassing life-skills speech as we prepare children to leave the home for summer camp, college, or to move out on their own.  We have that upcoming reunion, wedding, or annual health check-up and we figure we can starve our way into losing that much needed weight in the last few weeks before the event.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we face the reality that we will fall short of our full potential if we deploy the cramming strategy to the really important things in life.

Building and sustaining a healthy relationship is not built on that one weekend get-away to rekindle love and caring.

Preparing children for life outside of “home sweet home” is not accomplished in a 15 minute send-off speech prior to that all too sudden good-bye.

Maintaining optimal health is not accomplished with the occasional crash diet and two week exercise routine.

Achieving financial freedom is not established through that one great idea for a get rich quick scheme.

The really important things in life will always be judged by one of the most critical guiding principles of life, the Law of the Harvest. Simply, we reap what we sow.

The law of the harvest in the natural world is as true as the law of gravity.  If we want to reap an abundant harvest of corn or soybeans, there is only one pathway to follow: The Law of the Harvest.  If we asked any farmer 2,000 years ago or one today in the fields of Nebraska, we would get the same general response.  There are no shortcuts to an abundant harvest.

We cannot vacation in the spring and summer and then deploy our cramming strategy for an entire growing season into September.  There is no way to pay for the “Speed Pass” lane on the farm and there is no “Easy” button.  The natural law of the harvest will always be our judge.  Just like the law of gravity governs our eventual return to the ground no matter how high we jump, the law of the harvest governs our ability to produce our most essential food sources for life.  In addition, the law of the harvest governs our ability to reach our full potential in the most important areas of our lives.

When we face the reality that the cramming strategy we deployed in school will not produce the abundance we desire in the important areas of life and we take meaningful steps overtime to reap an abundant harvest, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.

The clock is ticking all around us.  We have a time schedule to keep in order to catch the train in the morning, to complete a project by the deadline, to graduate on time, to finish that much needed project around the house, and the list could go on.

If we are not very thoughtful and intentional about the schedules we keep and projects we place on plate, we can end up just running, or just living, from one timeline after another.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, there is a worthy timeline that often goes undetected but can make all the difference in our ability to have a positive impact on those around us.

We all experience frustration and disappoint in our lives.  Discontent is very often the first step in the creation of anything of value.  As a matter of fact, academic research and our own experience would demonstrate that we really only move in the direction of making meaningful change when we are absolutely fed up with our current situation.

A worthy timeline that often goes unchecked is the time between our initial sense that change needs to happen and the time we actually begin to make meaningful progress to bring about the change. In reality, sometimes that timeline can go on forever on the most meaningful things in our lives.

The time we realize we need to continue our education, formally or informally, to remain relevant in today’s job market.  The time we realize our family life is revolving around schedules and it has been a long time since we had a meaningful connection.  The time we realize our waistline is growing at an unhealthy pace.  The time we realize we need to get our household budget under control.  The time we realize our anger has dampened the joy in our home.

The time we realize we need to make a change and when we actual starting making progress towards the desired change is a timeline worthy of our attention.

When the gap in time gets too long, we move quickly from the ranks of the self-aware focused on reaching our potential to the ranks of complainers and excuse makers.  When the timeline gets too long, eventually those around us realize we really don’t care enough to change and then trustworthiness falls.  Soon we are on a short timeline to becoming irrelevant and losing our ability to have a positive impact on those around us.

We need to be careful that the old Credence Clearwater Revival song about “someday never comes” does not become an anthem for some of the most needed changes in our lives.

As we realize the need for change in our lives and we very efficiently start making progress in the right direction, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.

Throughout life we will experience disappointment.

Sometimes we experience disappointment in the classroom, the workplace, our home life, and our community. These disappointments can vary in degree from the slight disappointment that rain caused the game to be delayed or our drive-thru order was missing some fries, to the significant disappointment that turns to heartache and despair when the dream of a close knit family is now facing the reality of a deep, challenging family conflict.

Although we all wish to avoid a great deal of disappointment in this world, the reality is that we all will have our turn with disappointment.  Most of us will find a way to move through it, some in silence and some with a loud roar.  There is no escaping disappointment.  Our well-worn path to address disappointment is to rally our own strength, perhaps we are fortunate to gain some encouragement from others and our faith, and we endure with the hope that we will continue to grow stronger through the experience.

Many times, our initial reaction when it is our turn with disappointment is to focus on our own our pain. Given the extent of the situation, it may be a very real and practical response to focus on our own psychological survival.

However, as we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, there are a few additional responses beyond focusing on ourselves that can bring about a positive impact when it is our turn with disappointment.

First, our personal experience with disappointment allows us the opportunity to build empathy towards others walking through a similar valley.  We can become a credible source of understanding to others with each and every time it is our turn with disappointment.  Those around us do experience a level of disappointment at certain times in their lives and we can effectively build an authentic and helpful connection with others through our own journey with disappointments.

Second, our personal experience with disappointment allows us the opportunity to build humility in realizing that everything is not in our control.  We can keep our thought life strong, we can make effective choices, but we do not control the final outcome.  We can only control our response to that outcome.  It takes “two to tango” and there are often times a great deal of factors that can impact the outcome.  Make no mistake, we need to always take responsibility for the outcome. However, building humility in realizing we are not in total control of everything strengthens the opportunity to build genuine connection to others around the reality that we are stronger together than we are alone.  Despite the persona of how macho it is to “John Wayne” it all alone, we are much more effective in this world when we build a force of interdependence among families, partnerships at work and in the community.

Third, our personal experience with disappointment reminds us to be thankful for the little things.  Psychologists, pastors, and friends would all say that being thankful for the small blessings in life is a sure way to maintain our mental health throughout the inevitable chaos and challenge of life.  Whether it is enjoying a sunrise or a sunset along with the fact that we had one more day with those we care about most, gratefulness for the little things will help us when it is our turn with disappointment.

As we put effort into more effectively dealing with disappointment in our lives, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to have a positive impact on those around us.

Let’s face it, there is a lot of chatter in our world.  Whether it is on the television, through the internet, in various social settings, at work, etc.  We hear a lot of chatter.

With so much noise and information around us (along with less than an optimal amount of sleep), we have a natural coping mechanism to just tune things out or engage in very superficial dialogue without truly listening.  Our most common reaction is to sit still and endure it, just like we did doing a boring class in school.

Many times, our filtering mechanism for all the chatter goes overboard and we lose the important skill of really listening when it matters most.  As we continue our journey to build and strengthen our character, the discipline to listen is an important element for having a positive impact on those around us.

Many psychologists would say that there is an unfortunate pattern for many of us in that we can carry on, with a pleasant disposition, our activities outside of the home whether that is with friends, at school, work, or various social activities.  We seem to blend in well and minimize or eliminate any attempts to rock the boat.  However, when it comes to our home life, the description of most family therapists, pastors, and relationship experts would commonly say that it is in the home where the disposition changes, the willingness to endure weakens and many times, all you know what breaks loose.

The same can be said about listening.  Many times, we take a more active role in listening to a customer, a colleague at work, a friend on the street, or even that really boring teacher, but when it comes to those closest to us, we are relatively quick to downgrade our listen skills.

There is no doubt that the volume of information coming at us will continue to increase over time.  Very few of us would find “getting off the grid” to be a productive solution to our problems with listening.  Given this reality of increasing information and noise in our world, we need to take hold of a few truths about the importance of listening in order to have a positive impact on those around us.

1. Listening shows others that we care. Asking questions to ensure understanding, maintaining eye contract, acknowledging the information being shared, etc. takes effort and focus.
2. Listening is the gateway to understanding. Improved understanding helps us see through the veil of “I am ok” to uncover the real issues impacting someone around us.
3. We can’t listen to everything or everybody. The reality is that there is a lot of noise out there that needs to be filtered.  We should choose to filter most of it in order to focus our efforts on those we care about most.

As we do the hard work of listening, especially with those closest to us in our home, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity^® to have a positive impact on those around us.

Whether it is assessing students in the classroom, employees at work, or relationships at home, there is a consistent and important debate that happens around what it takes to reach one’s full potential.

A great deal of the debate revolves around the idea of nature or nurture.  Basically, is my potential governed by some hard-wiring at birth or is my collective life experience the major driver of my potential.

This debate, in some form or fashion, has been around for thousands of years and will continue to be carried out by wise and well-intentioned people throughout our lives.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, in our daily lives we come to realize that our potential is neither about our nature or the nurturing we did or did not receive.  Our potential is a product of the choices we make today.

The choices we make on what we believe about ourselves and how we respond to various situations are the major drivers of reaching our full potential.

However……It is incredibly important that we gain understanding about some of the deep seated beliefs we have about ourselves that may be concealed from the busy day to day reality of our lives.

The enclosed video link is one of the most viewed videos on YouTube having been viewed over 65 million times.  It touches on the very foundation of what we believe about ourselves.  Even though it is delivered from a female perspective, the essence of the message covers both genders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

Whether it is the reality that we are more beautiful than we think, stronger than we think, more capable than we think, or more helpful than we think, what we believe about ourselves matters in our desire to reach our full potential.

There are two helpful action steps in addressing the reality that we all have some deep seated beliefs that over the years may go unnoticed.

• Tell someone they are more beautiful than they think, stronger than they think, more capable than they think, or more helpful than they think. The reality is that we all could use the encouragement and we are just the right person to step up and fulfill the need.
• On a personal level, our unique life situation will at some points on our journey face the reality than no one may be around to remind us that we are better than we think. In those times, we need to rally hope from a source like our memory of someone who believed in us, our faith, a reminder of our past ability to overcome, in order to muster the strength to keep moving forward.

As we make the choice to believe we are more than we think and encourage others that they are more than they believe, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity^® to reach our full potential help others do the same.

In our consumer driven marketplace, it is sometimes difficult to avoid the big sales pitch being made by products or services that promise to change us for the better.  Whether it is the latest diet plan bringing meals to our front door, a fitness craze that seems to work for everyone, a proven business building program or perhaps that relationship improvement program that can solve our most struggling personal relationships.

We all, at some level, desire to make forward progress in the important areas of our lives.  Discontent with our present situation is always the first step in bringing about positive change.  Psychologists will often say that we really only work effectively to bring about change when our level of frustration and pain with our present situation reaches a level that makes the thought of trying something new seem not so bad.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, there is a reality check around bringing about significant positive change in our lives that we all could use an occasional reminder of every now and then.

The reality is that both academic research and our own personal experience would remind us that bringing about significant positive change in our lives is not about the next biggest, greatest idea, it is about small, consistent acts over time that lead to significant milestones being accomplished.

Small acts matter in bringing about major change in our lives.

The biggest thing we can do to bring about positive and meaningful change in the important areas of life is to take small steps in the right direction.

As the well-known USC professor and psychologist (more affectionately known as the Italian Love Doctor), Leo Buscaglia (1924-1998) once said, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

The same principle that Buscaglia described in his research that was the cornerstone to improving relationships, mainly that small acts matter, is the same principle that applies to other important areas of our lives and personal development.

As we all have the desire to bring about positive change in important areas of our lives, while we wait and hope for the next great idea to energize our efforts, we should begin to take the initiative to start small and take a few steps in the right direction.  In the end, regardless of the next big idea, it will always be the small acts that matter in sustaining positive change in our lives.

Here are a few ideas on small acts that matter in some important areas:

Money and savings:  Put aside a small amount each paycheck for that rainy day fund.  It does not matter the amount, it is the small act of saving consistently that matters.  The old penny jar we had as kids can always be a good place to start.

Relationship struggles:  Perhaps it is time to simply shut up and listen with the intent to understand the other person.  We see the world as we are, not as it is.  The small act that matters in relationships is to focus more on understanding than on being understood.

Diet and exercise: While we continue to buy the next great diet and exercise plan (the consumer does drive most of our economy so at least we are supporting a good cause with these purchases) we should start with a small step in the right direction.  Perhaps we can start by brushing our teeth after dinner as opposed to just before bed as that has been shown to reduce the mid-evening munchies which are so problematic to our waistlines.  Small acts matter in bringing about big results.

Pursuing a really big dream beyond our present circumstance:  Spend 15 uninterrupted minutes in the quiet of the morning or late evening thinking, dreaming, and planning.  We become what we think about, so the small act of clearly “seeing” that really big dream is an important one.  Taking action should always follow at least a little bit of thinking and planning to be most productive.

Moving forward in bringing about positive change in our lives will always be grounded on the small acts that matter.  As we decide to implement a few small acts that matter, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity^® to overcome resistance to change and reach our full potential.