In follow-up to last week’s blog that focused on the female mindset, today we will turn our attention to the male mindset.  Compared to last week’s blog, I feel a little more secure in talking about this area, but nonetheless I will be making some generalizations based on the available research and my own life experience. I appreciate your understanding if I fall short.

As a reminder from last week, the importance of an upbeat, learning and growing mindset is not only critical to our overall emotional and physical health, but as we view those around us with an initial impression of open and honest compared to secretive and deceptive, we begin to build the foundation for healthy relationships.

What we see in our mind’s eye is the first step in reaching our full potential.

If I were to synthesize all of the academic research, the influence within most families, and the impact of our society on the development of our mindset, it would be this:

We are more than we think we are

Regardless of how we answer the perennial question, does art imitate life or does life imitate art, there are some clear examples of art describing the mindset of most men.

In 1986, The Fabulous Thunderbirds release their hit single “Tuff Enuff” (I am sure a few of you are singing along right now). The song’s chorus of “Ain’t that tuff enuff?” asked the question that lingers in the minds of men. The question of, “Am I man enough?”  For many common, every day occurrences, there is the continual question of do I measure up to being a real man.

Rodney Dangerfield was part of a unique set of comedians who paved the way for so many in today’s comic circles. Rodney’s signature line was “I get No Respect!” (I am sure many of you can see Rodney fidgeting with his tie as he said that famous line). Similar to the man enough question, the idea of being respected is a predominant part of the male mindset.

The issue of being man enough and being respected does not go away with the transition off of the middle school playground.  These thoughts just migrate into the workplace, the community, and most certainly our family life.

Although there has been a fair amount studied and written about these issues, the reality is most men address these lingering concerns like we unfortunately do with most things, silently alone and in the backdrop of our thoughts day to day.

Even with outward success (define that as you wish), most men will reach a certain milestone and these issues will continue to linger and result in the quest for another milestone in the hope that these issues will finally be adequately addressed…and if we can’t reach it, maybe our children will and we attempt to live peacefully in the backdrop of our offspring’s accomplishment.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, an important aspect of reaching our full potential is to understand the attitudes and behaviors of the environment we live in, understand how those attitudes maybe deep seated in our subconscious, and continually work to rise above a limiting mindset to see a more fulfilling, productive path to reach our full potential.

Similar to the initial statement above that “we are more than we think we are,” if I was to consolidate all the research, family influence, school yard (and workplace) dynamics just for the mindset of a man, I would say:

You are strong and courageous and more respected than you think you are.

Below are some thoughts to help raise our sights on these important realities:

1. As our world and our homes continue to grow in complexity and uncertainty, just being consistent in climbing back into the ring each and every day to fulfill our responsibilities is a sign of genuine strength and courage.
2. There is most often a thin veil of respect from others because of our achievements or possessions. Sustained, healthy respect and admiration from others is most often achieved when our thoughts, decisions, and actions are not about “ME,” but about serving others.  Serving others starts first in the home which sets the tone for service that can have significant impact in the world around us.
3. One additional thought with regards to what seems like a lifelong journey to accomplish “things” to satisfy these concerns of being a real man and being respected…satisfaction and peace come through having a clarity of purpose beyond material attainment that can guide and direct our day to day efforts. As men, we need to own that effort to find purpose.  If you have a man in your life, I would respectfully ask you to encourage an open discussion and an eventual decision around finding that purpose that could direct his ways. Start today.

As we work hard to proactively build an effective mindset that we are stronger and more courageous than we think we are, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential.  I wish you all the best on your purposeful journey.

One of the most frequent topics on this blog is around the importance of our own mindset in reaching our full potential.  As the Book of Proverbs reminds us, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

The importance of an upbeat, learning and growing mindset is not only critical to our overall emotional and physical health, but as we view those around us with an initial impression of open and honest compared to secretive and deceptive, we begin to build the foundation for heathy relationships.

What we see in our mind’s eye is the first step in reaching our full potential.

If I were to synthesize all of the academic research, the influence within most families, and the impact of our society on the development of our mindset, it would be this:

We are more than we think we are

We will split this blog into two parts.  Research and our own practical experience would suggest there are some different mindset limitations between females and males.  We will cover females today and males on the next blog.  As a male, I realize I am stretching more than a bit to say I understand the female mindset, but I have done my best to incorporate a vast amount of published work and my own life experience to draw some conclusions.  I appreciate your understanding if I fall short.

The Dove Real Beauty Sketches series touched a nerve with over 60+ million people.  I would highly encourage you to view the short 3 minute video.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

Over time, there have been other studies and resources that help give us insight into the environment that has the potential to be a significant driver to some hardwired thoughts in the minds of women, both young and old.  Here are just a few examples:

• Outward beauty and appearance correlate to a wonderful life
• Leadership and innovation in science, technology and business are beyond practical reach
• Physical and emotional strength may not be sufficient for all the challenges in life

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, an important aspect of reaching our full potential is to understand the attitudes and behaviors of the environment we live in, understand how those attitudes maybe deep seated in our subconscious, and continually work to rise above a limiting mindset to see a more fulfilling, productive path to reach our full potential.

Similar to the initial statement above that “we are more than we think we are,” if I was to consolidate all the research, family influence, school yard (and workplace) dynamics just for the mindset of a woman, I would say:

You are stronger and more brilliant and beautiful than you think you are.

Those words were chosen specifically because of a few key realities:

1. Despite having numerous examples of tremendous emotional, mental and physical strength around us, the mindset that many girls grow up with is that they are not strong enough.
2. In our world, we often don’t mix brilliant and beautiful in the same description. It is one or the other that is highlighted.  Despite numerous examples of women driving scientific and technology discovery, there is still the predominant framework that the fields of scientific discovery and business innovation will be dominated by men.  Also, as evidence of the impact of the Dove beauty sketches, the perception of personal beauty still impacts the mindset of women.
3. One additional thought and suggestion…every father should remind his daughter (s) that they are stronger and more brilliant and beautiful than they think they are…and never stop reminding them of that fact as they will be continually bombarded, beyond the middle school playground to include their own journey in relationships and family, that they are not strong enough or brilliant and beautiful enough. Start today.

As we work hard to proactively build an effective mindset that we are more capable, talented and brilliant and beautiful than we think we are, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential.  This week we addressed women and next week we will address men…stay tuned.

We will continue to hear a great deal about comparisons throughout this election year in the United States.  Are you better off now than you were 4 years ago?  Is your job more secure now than it was 4 years ago?  Are your opportunities to reach your hopes and dreams more plentiful?

The political season brings out a great number of comparisons.  Most, if not all, are not too helpful as they point the finger of blame at someone else or some other political party and do not account for our own individual responsibility.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, a more productive set of comparisons are the ones we can do on ourselves.  As we take an honest personal assessment of ourselves, we can begin taking responsibility for the progress (or lack of progress) and working towards improvement and reaching our full potential.

If we asked ourselves the questions below, what would we say?

• Am I a better listener now than I was 4 years ago or am I still more concerned about getting across my point of view?
• Am I more negative than I was 4 years ago or am I more hopeful?
• Am I more set in my ways or have I become more open and curious?
• Am I better at keeping my commitments now than I was 4 years ago?
• Am I quicker to forgive or am I still struggling with some bitterness?
• Am I learning and growing more now than I was 4 years ago or am I still just stumbling along?
• Are some close relationships that went cold 4 years ago getting any better?

Or am I still as perfect as I was 4 years ago?

We can either keep losing ground or we can keep making progress towards reaching our full potential.

The choice is ours.

Or as Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) said in the film Shawshank Redemption, “I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.”

When it comes to building and strengthening our character and reaching our full potential, when we look back over 4 years, 8 years or 36 years, we will not be able to blame a government program, school initiative, company training program, or a difficult close relationship…it will just be us looking in the mirror.

One nice thing about another election season is that we have one more chance for a fresh and hopeful start…for us personally, we have the blessing of a fresh and hopeful start every day.  Let’s not waste it.

As we become more intentional about reaching our full potential by taking small steps to make small improvements that will add up over time, we build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential and set an example for others to follow.

Over the last 15+ years, our collective sense of security has continued to erode in our communities and the world.  The tragedies that we have witnessed continue to get more shocking as we all journey through uncharted waters and find it difficult to make some sense of our new reality.

Today’s topic is not going to solve the world’s security challenge, but will rather focus on something closer to home.  As we work to positively impact those closest to us, the hope is that the ripple effect of that collective impact can help to counteract the trends of our day.  There is an unspoken request within each one of us, that when acted upon, can strengthen the foundation of our well-being and best position us to reach our full potential.

When you look back into the history of your life, did you ever have someone who believed in you even when everyone else seemed to bail on you, including yourself? Someone who stayed with you regardless of the situation?  Did you ever have someone who did not give in to you while also not giving up on you?  If so, who is that person?  Just for a moment, can you recall those experiences that impacted you so deeply?

For each one of us, there is an unspoken request for a person like that in our lives.  Academic psychologists and our own life experience would say that having a person in our life who believes in us, through the good times and most importantly the bad times, is a critical element to our own well-being and will help enable us to raise the bar on our own potential.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, the challenge for each one of us is not to search for someone like that, but to strive to be “that person” to those we care about most.  We build and strengthen our character in the service of others when we meet this unspoken request in those around us.

I wish it were not the case, but I am sure there are a few who in your present situation or in your life’s history, could not see an individual who stood with you regardless of the situation.  This won’t be a pump-up speech from some high priced motivational speaker, but have a genuine moment of sadness and then prepare to get back in the ring as we all have a duty to those closest to us to bring about a better tomorrow.

As we look to meet that unspoken request in others and be “that person” who keeps the hope of potential alive in good times and in bad, here are a few simple and practical ideas to help:

1. Listen…really listen for the content being described and the emotion being felt. Listen with the intent to stand in their shoes and know what it feels like.  Without getting too scientific, the most practical way for us to start is to just shut up for a moment.  Our chatter does not help us understand.  We already know what we think.  Turn our attention toward others.
2. Be thoughtful and resolute in the consistent reinforcement of timeless and universal principles…there is still truth and relevance to principles like honesty, commitment, loyalty, and duty. These principles are a helpful way to remind others about an effective path forward when behavior has gone astray without letting “our opinion” be an obstacle to shining light along the path of a very dark journey.
3. Provide a clear, unmistakable sense that “I am with you.” Those closest to us need to feel it and see it that we are not going to bail when the going gets tough…and it will get tough.  We are not perfect and in tough situations our imperfections often get magnified, but we should always come back to reinforcing the point that “I am with you.”

Our challenge today is to resist the temptation to wish for and search for “that person” for ourselves, but instead proactively be “that person” for those close to us.  The practical reality we all know to be true is that what comes around, goes around, and we will attract others who learn to share in our mutual effort to meet the most important unspoken request within all of us.

As we make the decision to be “that person” who believes in someone, even when they do not believe in themselves, we will build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® for us to have a lasting positive impact on others and reach our full potential in our journey of life.

 

Following last’s week blog on the important personal skill of delayed gratification as defined as the ability to resist temptation for an immediate reward and wait for a later, often greater and more enduring award, Part II of this message will focus on another important personal skill.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, this second skill has also been shown to be critical to ensuring lasting success in building healthy relationships and having a positive impact in our life’s effort.  This skill is not as well studied in academia as the “marshmallow test” demonstrating delayed gratification, but this second skill is documented throughout history as being an important personal skill.

Part II of this message addresses the critical skill of proactive service – The ability to identify a need and make the choice to take action to meet the need.  This skill goes sharply against the “what’s in it for me crowd,” the “I just want to be happy crowd” and the “I am just in it for the money crowd.”

Proactive service is embodied in the quote from President John F. Kennedy at his inaugural address in 1961 when he said, “ask not what your country can do for you–ask what you can do for your country.”  For those searching for purpose, proactive service is captured in the words of Mahatma Gandhi who said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

Proactive service is as much as a choice as it is a skill.  It is a choice to run towards problems instead of away from them.  It is a choice to persevere when our selfish needs of recognition and reward make quitting seem like a really good option because we are not getting what we want from the experience.

Proactively looking for ways to serve has been and will continue to be the hallmark of individuals who leave a legacy that endures by leaving the world a better place than they found it. They are most often not characterized by those who made a great financial reward for their skill of serving others or developing a product that meets a huge market need.  Proactive service is most commonly seen in:

1. The home by those who continue to serve others in daily tasks that often go unnoticed and underappreciated for years.
2. The workplace by individuals who raise their hand to help when a young supervisor has been given a big task and by those who stay a little later to ensure the job gets done even when it goes past the time to clock out.
3. The community by individuals who choose to serve in capacities of real need even when they could apply those skills and energy to earn a greater financial reward in some other endeavor.

The examples we see all around us of proactive service are worthy of remembering and teaching to others.

Building a strong foundation of proactive service does not start with questions like “what makes me happy” or “what do I do best.”  Living a life of proactive service begins with the question, “What needs to be done?”  Individuals find purpose and passion in identifying needs and getting busy meeting the needs of others in our homes, our workplace and our community.

As we make the choice to proactively serve in areas of need, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential and leave a legacy that sets an example for others to follow.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, there are two personal skills that throughout history have been critical to ensuring lasting success in building healthy relationships and having a positive impact in our life’s effort.  The first of these skills will be covered this week and the second will be addressed in next week’s blog.

There is one skill that has been proven over and over again to be a stronger predictor of lifelong success than any other including IQ, social class, formal education etc.  Philosophers in ancient civilizations, the world’s major religions, and modern day psychologists all speak to the importance of building this personal skill in order to best position us to have a life of positive impact.

The personal skill deemed critical is self-control in the form of delayed gratification. Delayed gratification is the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward and wait for a later, often greater and more enduring reward.

The personal skill to resist the pull of instant gratification to meet an immediate need by focusing on a longer term goal is worthy of our attention as we build and strengthen our character.

In the modern era, there were two important studies initiated in the 1960s and 70s that formally measured the long term impact of delayed gratification that set in motion numerous repeat studies that have continually proved the importance of this skill to a life of positive impact.

The Dunedin (New Zealand) children’s study and the Marshmallow Test conducted at Stanford University.

The children of Dunedin (over 1,000 kids born over a single 12 month period) were studied throughout their school years on numerous skills including their tolerance for frustration and their ability to concentrate and exercise self-control.  They were followed up over 2 decades later and assessed across of series of measurements for health, wealth, relationships, and crime rates.

The Marshmallow Test basically placed 4 year olds in a room with their favorite treat (in most cases Marshmallows).  Researchers told the children that they can have one marshmallow right now if they wanted it.  However, if they did not eat it until the researcher came back after taking care of a few tasks, they could have two marshmallows.  About one third of the kids held off until the researcher came back about 15 minutes later and were rewarded with 2 marshmallows.  The children were followed up decades later and assessed on a number of important aspects of life.

In both seminal studies, the results were clear.  The kids who demonstrated the skill of delayed gratification had a lifelong difference in terms of healthy relationships, financial well-being, low crime rates and a host of other positive outcomes.  Self-control, in the form of delayed gratification, proved to be a stronger predictor than any traditional measure.

Studies like the ones at Dunedin and Stanford have been repeated and demonstrated similar outcomes.  Today’s academics have demonstrated strong evidence in support of the teachings of ancient philosophers and the world’s major religions.

The capacity to develop self-control demonstrated by these kids, and the same can be said for adults in the journey to live a life of positive impact, can be summarized in two important areas:

1. The ability to mentally and emotionally disengage from the object of our immediate desire (a marshmallow, my need to be “right” in an argument, protect my reputation, effectively cover my insecurities, etc.)
2. The ability to focus on a larger, longer term goal (like two marshmallows or a healthy relationship in our home).

In very practical terms for all us, the ability to build healthy relationships starts with (a) our ability to disengage from the strong pull to meet our own immediate selfish desires and (b) our ability to take a deep breath and realize the more significant goal of a healthy, positive, long term relationship is what we are striving for.

As we put effort into developing our self-control to resist instant gratification and focus on the long term goals of health in our relationships and having a positive impact on our surroundings, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential and set an example for others to follow.

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”  “You are out of touch with today.”

When facing the speed of change in our homes, the marketplace, and our community, we all have probably heard, said or thought these phrases on more than one occasion.  Typically, as individuals get set in their ways, either in a job or in their home life, the phrase, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is said to address a personal short-coming or to rationalize another person’s response to something new and different. The normal dialogue back and forth between generations typically results in someone in a younger generation responding to an older person, hopefully as respectfully as possible, with “you are out of touch with today.”

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, ensuring we remain relevant to those around us will help us have a positive impact on others for many years to come.  There are two principles that can help all of us remain relevant to those around us as we continue on our journey:  (1) We need to remain teachable throughout life and (2) We need to remain open to learn from anyone by minimizing the barrier of prejudgment.

Remain Teachable:

There is no denying the fact that our world continues to grow in complexity.  The issues we face in many areas of our lives will not be effectively addressed with the techniques that worked a few decades or even a few years ago.  We need to find more effective ways to deal with our reality.

The pace of change in most of our markets is lightning fast and business leaders need to continue to seek improved solutions to add greater value in order to remain relevant.  In our homes, whether it is managing our finances, maintaining a strong marriage, or being a more effective parent, our environment continues to grow in complexity and many times we are trying to navigate in uncharted waters.  The principles of love, understanding, compassion, etc. are timeless and will always remain relevant.  However, how we deliver on those principles needs to adjust with the changing environment.

As we make the choice to remain teachable, we become well positioned to remain relevant to those around us.  Blaming someone else, or worse yet, in our own mind saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” will work to weaken our impact.

Remain Open:

In addition to remaining teachable to stay relevant, we need to remain open to understand and learn from anyone.  Generationally speaking, the young should remain open to learn from the wisdom of the old and the old should remain open to learn from the new perspective and energy of the young.  In addition, diversity of experience, background, gender, race, etc. provide potentially valuable perspectives to understand and learn from.

Both academic research and our own practical experience, would demonstrate that many times we prejudge the potential teacher with our own thoughts of: “What can we learn from him? He has never worked in our industry.” “She does not have a degree in this particular field, what could she possibly teach us?” “He is an old man, there is no way he can relate to what I am dealing with.” “She is only a teenager, what could she share that would change what we already know?”

Diversity provides a great foundation for learning.  Many times we prejudge diversity of thought or expression and quickly close the door to learning from others.  Making the choice to remain open and willing to learn from others who may appear ‘different’ than us will help us remain relevant to those around us.

Prejudging people because they are ‘different’ or allowing ourselves to fall into ‘group-think’ that quiets their voice, will work to weaken our character and hinder us from reaching our full potential.

As we work to remain teachable and remain open to learn from others, not just those who look and act like us, are from our generation, or share a similar set of life experiences, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® for us to remain relevant to those around us and continue to have a positive impact in our life’s journey.

We all admire those individuals who see things that others may not and then have the courage to take action.  Whether it is an opportunity in business, an opportunity to help someone in need, an opportunity to alleviate the suffering of others, or an opportunity to inspire those who are down and almost out.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is the combination of vision and the courage to take action that we most often find at the foundation of opportunities that make a positive impact on individuals, organizations and our world.

Among all the stories that were told a few weeks ago while celebrating the life of Muhammad Ali, there was one story that was not often shared, but speaks to vision and the courage to take action to make a positive impact in our world.

The story of Chuck Wepner, the Bayonne Bleeder, who knocked down Muhammad Ali in the 1975 title fight.  Ali went on to win the fight with a technical knockout in the 15^th and final round.  It was while observing that fight, Sylvester Stallone was inspired to write the story of Rocky. He spent the better part of three straight days writing the script immediately after the fight.  He then persevered through countless rejections of the script until he finally landed a studio contract.  The movie went on to have a major impact in the box office and in the lives of so many people.

Some thirty years later, most of us still get a little inspiration when we hear the theme song to Rocky.

Most people were just watching a great fight between Muhammad Ali and the Bayonne Bleeder, but one individual, Sylvester Stallone, saw something that others did not and then had the courage to take action.

As we look to build and strengthen our character through the ability to see what needs to be done and then getting things done, here are a few thoughts along the way:

• Are we just along for the ride in our lives at home, at work and in our community or are we looking for the opportunity to make a positive impact?
• Are we just watching or are we looking with an eye towards finding a more effective way?
• Are we seeing hope and inspiration or are we seeing fear and doubt?
• Are we just talking about an opportunity or do we have the courage to step in the ring and take action?

As we become more proactive in looking for an opportunity to make a positive impact and we develop the courage to take action, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.

In our fast paced world, it is easy to get caught up in highlighting what is on the surface.  We draw quick conclusions on social status, wealth, education, resumes and appearances.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important to reinforce the real health and wealth of all of us, is measured on the inside…the quality of our heart.  Our heart, or character, is our internal compass that drives our thoughts, decisions, and actions.  Our character is built and strengthened over time by thoughts, decisions, and actions that are based on timeless and universal principles like honesty, service, and perseverance.

We all remember the story of David and Goliath.  Well, before that big showdown between David and the giant Goliath, when God was directing the choice for the next king of Israel, He reinforced the truth that “People look at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7).  David was chosen to be the next king because of the quality of his heart long before the people witnessed his courage in defeating the giant Goliath.

Just like we periodically go to the doctor to get a routine physical and a checkup on our heart, we need to be reminded to do a heart checkup on our character.  The questions on our heart checkup may sound something like:

• Are we willing to turn toward a problem or do we walk/run away from it?
• Are we willing to serve a purpose greater than our own or do we just focus on ourselves?
• Are we willing to be proactive to help or are we still waiting for someone to ask?
• Are we willing to remain humble in great achievements and persevere in the face of failure?
• Are we willing to accept the truth that there is no finish line for the important things in life?

Our heart, or character, stays strong and healthy when our thoughts, decisions, and actions are guided by principles like loyalty, courage, and commitment. As we build and strengthen our character it is important to reinforce that Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our hopes and dreams regardless of our situation.

“Someday never comes” – John Fogerty, lead singer for Credence Clearwater Revival

For many reading this blog, the rhythm from that song and the music of CCR brings back a few memories of their youth (others maybe saying, “Who in the world is John Fogerty and CCR?”).  As we continue to build and strengthen our character, an important topic to address is the need to take small steps of action today, rather than putting things off.

Let’s face it, we all know the basics of things we should do to strengthen important relationships, improve our health, expand our thinking, or be better positioned to grow in our career.  Many times, our excuse for not doing these things is that it is just not the “right time” to take small steps in the right direction.  “I will go back to school once the kids get a little older”…”I will forgive once the sting of the betrayal subsides a little more”…”I will reach out to that family member once I get through this busy time at work”…”I will get back to exercising in the springtime”.  Well, as we have all experienced, many times that “right time” never comes about or when it does, we have a host of other self-described obstacles to the next “right time.” In the worst of scenarios, that individual or opportunity is gone forever and it becomes a painful, lingering regret that we struggle to shake off.

An important aspect of building and strengthening our character is the simple act of taking action to continue moving forward in what we know in our heart is the right direction.  Today’s message is not about dropping everything and pursuing that big bold idea that has been weighing on your soul (if that fits you, great, but that is not the intent of this message).  Today’s message is more about taking a few small steps that matter toward what we know is needed.

Some of our biggest opportunities to build and strengthen our character involve taking action in our relationship with others.  We all have a tendency to avoid the difficult face to face conversations to repair a troubled relationship.  It is never easy and the emotional pain from prior struggles remains with us and makes it even harder to re-engage.  Relationships are the fabric of our lives and will always be intertwined with every endeavor of life.  Maintaining healthy relationships, especially with those closest to us, is worth the effort, and it is our character that will create opportunities to bring health into troubled relationships.

Throughout history (and even in this digital age) there has been one small step that has helped many, including myself, to begin to address a strained relationship that has fallen off the tracks. Try writing a letter.  Yes, an old fashioned, hand-written letter.  Nobody gets these anymore and I can almost guarantee that an individual in a very troubled relationship will still open a letter and read it in the quiet of their own time.  Keep it short with a focus on care and concern versus justifying or blaming.  Let the letter be a first step to softening defenses and perhaps open a door to reconnect and a path toward restoration.  If nothing else, you can be at peace knowing you took some small step of action to ensure “someday” finally came.

The cold hard reality of life is that many times the letter does not even need a stamp as the relationship we need to restore is within our home.

As we take small steps in the right direction, when we know it is needed, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to build strong healthy relationships, especially in our home.