Are we there yet?  We are all very familiar with the question that comes at some point during a long drive.  Depending on how long the drive or how much stress has been injected into the preparations for the drive, there will be a wide array of follow-on responses to that simple question.

So often we attribute that question to a young child on a road trip.  However, many of us as adults may find ourselves asking a similar question on our journey of life.

When will we be happily married?    When will our children be able to stand on their own?

When will I be in a stable and fruitful career?  When will we finally have peace in our home and community?

When will I finally be done with getting an education?  

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, how we cope with the adult version of the question “are we there yet?” will help us grow our joy and peace as we journey along to reach our full potential.

We all celebrate the accomplishment of significant milestones.  The awarding of a graduation diploma, the winning of a championship, the anniversary of a relationship milestone like 25 years of marriage, 30 years of dedicated employment, and the list could go on.  At the time of crossing the threshold of accomplishment, there is joy, celebration, and some peaceful relief in knowing we finally made it.

As time inevitably marches quickly through the threshold of any specific accomplishment, many times we forget the graduation speech, we misplace the thoughtful anniversary card, and we forget the leftover cake in the company lunchroom.

The reality about what remains with us after the accomplishment and brief celebration pass, is not the celebration, it is the memories and lessons learned along the journey that remain.

• We remember the courage and strength it took to study all night for numerous exams to ensure we passed that tough course.  Those memories act as a rallying cry to strengthen our character to ensure we can rise above again when we are faced with another challenge down the road.
• We remember the pain and the joy of years spent in a close relationship like marriage and those reminders help give us perspective when the next jolt to the foundation of a close relationship comes in the future…and it will come in the future.  It is that perspective which will help to carry us through the inevitable dark time in our committed relationships.
• We remember the business lessons learned from good and bad decisions we made in the marketplace.  It is the memory of these lessons that gives us confidence to re-enter the marketplace and attempt to grow a business again.

Setting clear goals to be accomplished is a critical part of reaching our full potential.  However, we need to ensure we maintain the perspective that goals are simply milestones to gauge our progress on the long journey.  We will inevitably pass through those goals and will need to continue to set further milestones down the road.

The energy needed to reach our full potential in a long and fruitful life does not simply come from accomplishing goals.  The renewable energy for life is in leveraging the memories and lessons learned along the journey.  This renewable energy will ensure we consistently raise the bar on our ability to positively impact those around us.

As we continue to maintain our perspective when answering the adult version of “are we there yet?” and we focus on learning along our journey, we will build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity to accomplish the next big goal or milestone.

As Labor Day approaches and the end of summer is upon us, we have another seasonal time point that can be helpful to set some goals and build momentum towards reaching our full potential.  Unfortunately, just like setting some goals for the New Year, the cold hard statistics would remind us that after just a few short weeks, most of us begin to see those goals fade away and become lost and forgotten.  It is not so much that we already reached success or failure, but we basically just stopped caring and moved on.

Measuring success or failure in any endeavor is important.  However, as we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, a real concern is to address apathy when it creeps into our family, our personal and professional growth and our community…when we just don’t care anymore and don’t get engaged, set goals or get after achieving them.

The real concern in life is not that we fell short of our goals or faced repeated failure in our attempts to achieve.  The real concern is that we just “checked out” in the major areas of life and just stopped caring.

Apathy rears its ugly head in a number of ways and in a variety of dimensions in our lives:

“I am just burned out” may be the way apathy appears from a career perspective. We get tired of the bureaucracy and red tape of an organization and we just grin and bear it until retirement or something better comes along.  It can also appear in the entrepreneur world when we just grow numb to the concerns of cash flow and bankruptcy risk.

“I am just tired of being miserable and unhappy” maybe the way apathy appears in our closest relationships. “You are now on your own to learn the hard way” may be the way apathy appears in dealing with a rebellious child.

“It is beyond repair” may be the way apathy appears in the challenges we face in our communities. When the challenges become so daunting because of the complexity created by the break-down of the family, generational poverty, lack of positive role models, ineffective public and private interventions, that we just check out with the general loss of hope because of the enormity of the problem.

Throughout our journey of life, we will all face moments when apathy enters our mindset.  Here are a few considerations to address the challenge:

1. Recognize it. Be attune to our own thoughts and perceptions to when we sense ourselves slipping into “I just don’t care anymore.”
2. Place a reality check on hopes and dreams. Being on the brink of “I just don’t care anymore” forces us to ask the big questions in life like purpose, goals, and what really matters. It gives us a chance to gain perspective on our own desires, clarifies needs vs. wants, and helps prioritize what is really important that we need to commit to doing.
3. Take small steps in the direction we need to go with the truth that the meaningful and important things in life are achieved on a long, slow journey. Close relationships and service to a cause greater than our own are never captured in a get rich quick scheme.

Our character, that internal voice that guides our thoughts, decisions, and actions can be a strong defense against apathy.  As we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like perseverance, compassion, understanding, and commitment, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to continue on the journey to reach our full potential.

“Experience is the mother of all learning,” so the saying goes.  We all have some defining experiences in our lives. 

If we look back, there are probably a few events in our school years that we can still recall having a major impact on our lives.  Whether it was a big championship game, an interaction with a great teacher, or some unfortunate painful experience, we still carry those experiences throughout our adult years.  There are definitely some experiences from our close relationships, probably some positive and some negative, which remain with us as we continue our journey.  Likewise, there are experiences in our chosen career that became teachable moments for us and we have carried those lessons with us to this day.

During my time in the Army, I certainly had some experiences that stay with me to this day. I learned a great deal about myself and a great deal about leadership, courage, strategy, and tactics.  When I reflect back on the most significant learning, it was quite simple; the importance of just keeping moving forward.  Whether tired, scared, or confused, just keep moving forward toward your objective.  As an infantryman, with a heavy pack, leading a platoon of soldiers, the pressing call was always to keep moving forward toward the objective.  Whether it was to complete a long, difficult road march, a specific tactical scenario that needed to be mastered in total darkness, or whether it was securing an objective on the battlefield in Iraq.  No matter the ups and downs in that pursuit, there was a clear calling to just keep moving forward no matter what came our way.

Applying the principle to keep moving forward to our general journey of life would remind us that we know what the objectives are in serving a cause greater than our own, building a strong family, and a purposeful career.  We know there will be unavoidable difficulties and very painful experiences that we will encounter.  There will definitely be things we said or did that we genuinely wish we could take back and ‘do over.’  However, there are no ‘do overs’ in the life we are living.  There is a need to be intentional about what we learn from those experiences and we just need to keep moving forward in the direction of our objective.

It is important that we accept the reality that ‘do overs’ don’t happen in this life.  Many times, the damage is done and perhaps only time can bring about some healing.  We cannot ‘re-raise’ our children, ‘re-live’ some difficult moments in relationships, or ‘re-live’ that career choice of 10 years ago.  First impressions cannot be remade.  Mean spirited comments cannot be restated.  Scars, many times, cannot be completely removed.

Life can only be lived in the present moment.  What we have today is a great opportunity to keep moving forward regardless of the pain from the past.  We will build and strengthen our character as we continue to move forward towards our objective and our Character Creates Opportunity® to build healthy relationships and puts us on the most effective path to accomplish our hopes and dreams.

Let’s face it.  There are times in our lives when we face the toughest of circumstances and we stand on the edge of losing hope.

Whether it is a close relationship that has unraveled and the reality of “happily ever after” seems unreachable.  Or maybe it is the teenage or adult child who has lost their way.  Or maybe it is the hopes and dreams of a business that has just run out of cash and its demise is imminent.  Or maybe it is the sense that the safety and comfort of the “good old days” are never coming back in our communities.

These are the times when all the money in the world could not buy a quick fix out of the situation and all the pump-up, positive thinking, motivation speeches sound like nails on a chalk board.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is on the edge of despair where we can find opportunity to learn and grow through difficulty.

On the edge of despair, is where our masks come off and the costume party we have been attending comes to a close.  In the very raw, unguarded, and openness of pain, when we have no strength to hold up the mask of “everything is fine,” we now can begin to move forward on the path to learning and growth.

On the edge of despair, there are several things to consider as we look to build and strengthen our character through these moments of opportunity:

• The most effective direction to move is forward towards the hurt and embrace the unguarded, authentic moment of pain. Take the mask off to begin to grow.
• Be intentional about avoiding the routine addictions we have learned to cover the pain. We all have our own ways of coping to keep the costume party going. Growth comes when we realize the party cannot go on forever.
• Communication in times of pain is real, genuine and priceless for our growth. We should find someone we can trust and open up. If we do not have someone in our close circle to confide in, then we need to seek out a pastor or counselor as the pathway to health is accelerated with open communication of our pain.
• Our very best will emerge from the pain. Psychologists and our own experience would demonstrate that we only grow in struggles. “No pain, no gain” is not just a slogan for coaches during practice.  We have a massive human weakness to get soft, complacent, and lazy during moments of calm and order.  We should use the times of pain to grow…it is our only chance.
• No matter what the outcome of our present struggle, there is one positive step that can come out of any difficult situation. We can, and should, use our feelings of raw hurt to grow in empathy for others. Our pain can be a catalyst for our growth in compassion for the struggles of others.  Another incredible accelerant on our pathway to health is when we turn to help others through their struggles.

When we stand on the edge of despair and we focus on growing through the struggle, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to remain on the path to our own emotional health and well positions us to be a helping hand to others.

One last point:  When we turn the corner on this present struggle, we should remember that life will always have another interesting event awaiting around the next corner.  If we can address our present struggle in a healthy way, we will be in a better to position to address the inevitable next bump in the road.  Enjoy the journey!

We have all heard of the guidance provided by Ben Franklin with the saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

The clarity and truth brought forth in that simple statement can be applied to various areas of our lives such as our health, relationships, work, and community.

As we look to continue to build and strengthen our character, an important area to consider is not only that we understand the concept of prevention, but that we have some very practical steps to take to ensure we are dedicating a significant amount of effort on the side of prevention.

The relatively easy approach to prevention can most certainly be found in regards to our health:  Eat a well-balanced diet, get regular exercise, sleep 7-8 hours a day, schedule annual wellness check-ups with a physician, and proceed with the rule of thumb around moderation in all areas.  The basic tenets of maintaining physical health have been relatively unchanged over the years.  Consistently executing on a preventative health program is another story, but the basic plan is straight-forward.

The more challenging area of prevention is taking the practical steps necessary to maintain health in our most important relationships.

Life, despite its complexity, is still predominately about relationship to others.  Whether those relationships are with family, friends, community, or the workplace, we are in relationship with others.

What does an “ounce of prevention” look like in maintaining health in relationship?

Here are just a few suggestions:

Keep Commitments: Actually doing what we say we are going to do, is a simple, but massive step forward in maintaining health in relationships. “I will be there on time” “I will clean up this mess” “I will support you no matter what.” When we fall short too many times on our promises, we will need more than a pound of cure to re-establish health again.

Focus on Serving: Serving the needs of others on a consistent basis has been shown throughout recorded history as being one of the most critical elements to maintaining health in relationships.  Our personal intent to serve others rather than waiting to be served will keep us on the most effective path toward healthy relationships.

Sacrifice: Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.  Sacrificing our selfish instincts in favor of supporting others, demonstrates to others that we recognize life is not all about us.  Setting a personal example of sacrifice is contagious and helps to form a strong foundation of health in relationships.

Physical Connection – Touch: There has been a significant amount of research done on the positive impact that a simple physical touch can have on maintaining health in a relationship. The physical connection made with the touch on a shoulder, the holding of a hand, or a genuine hug builds health into relationships.

Life is continuing to grow in complexity and intensity.  In order to be able to sustain our efforts for the long haul, using “ounces of prevention” instead of “pounds of cure” will help us stretch our limited resources to ensure we have optimal impact.

As we make choices to focus daily effort on prevention to maintain health, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to sustain optimal physical health, to build healthy relationships, and to head down a path to build a legacy with few, if any, regrets.

Our world continues to grow in complexity, intensity and uncertainty.  Often times, the challenges before us seem increasingly more difficult to address whether it is building a competitive edge in a global marketplace, maintaining peace and security in our communities, or getting the time and attention to guide and support those individuals we care about most.

Despite the growing complexity in our world, there have been three elements to building a strong foundation that have endured the test of time to help us more effectively address the challenges we face in our world.  As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, we can have a positive impact on all three elements.

The three elements to build a strong foundation to more effectively address the challenges in our world are the following:

Family

There has been a tremendous amount of research done on the perils that result with the break-up of the family unit.  Families may come in a few different flavors in our world today, but the basic principles of having a “home” where people feel love, support, safety, and commitment is an incredibly solid foundation of which positive impact can occur in our world, no matter what the challenges we face.

As we continue to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions in the “home” by principles like commitment, loyalty, and grace, we build and strengthen our character and our character creates opportunity to strengthen our family to more effectively address the challenges we face in our world.

Education

Applying effort to continue to learn and grow in school, the workplace, the home, and our community is critical to effectively addressing the growing complexity in our world.  Education does not end with graduation day.  In many times, our real education is just beginning.  When we refuse to learn and grow with comments like, “that is just the way I am,” we set ourselves up to have limited positive impact on those around us.

As we continue to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like understanding, humility, and respect, we build and strengthen our character and our character creates opportunity to stay educated and more effectively address the challenges we face in our world.

Economic Opportunity

There is tremendous honor by fulfilling our duty to get out of bed and go to work.  That “work” may have us remain in the home, travel to an office, defend our freedom, dig a ditch, or aid the hurting.  Regardless of the type of work, work builds and strengthens our character.

There are times in the economic cycle of free markets and in certain communities, where there seems to be limited economic opportunity.  However, even in the darkest times, we should be reminded of the reality that Thomas Edison shared a long time ago, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

As we continue to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like perseverance, sacrifice, and hope, we build and strengthen our character and our character creates opportunity for us to work to the best of our abilities and more effectively address the challenges we face in our world.

There is limited value in hoping for a more simple and predictable world.  A more productive use of our time and effort should be towards building a solid foundation to address the realities of our world today.

As we focus effort on the three elements of family, education, and economic opportunity, we will help to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to build a strong foundation to more effectively address the complexity of our world today.

“Did you close the sale?”  “Did you pass the test?”  “Did you win the game?” “Did you complete the project?” “Did you make any money on this idea?”

These are all practical and meaningful questions commonly asked in the home, business, and community.

When our children were younger we would at some point over dinner or before bedtime ask them, “What did you learn today?” When they were young, the answers were filled with new observations of the world, facts from school, and insights from friends.  For some reason, asking that to our children now in college and high school gets a glare like we have two heads or something.

However, one of the more thoughtful, caring, and effective questions we can ask ourselves and others is, “What did you learn?”

As we look to continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, reinforcing the importance of individual and shared learning will enable all of us to more effectively continue along a path to reach our full potential.

There is no doubt that the task needs to be completed, money needs to be made, the student needs to pass the test, and winning leads to championships, but it is the learning that builds the foundation for greater impact down the road.

By reprioritizing our discussion to first ask about learning and second ask about the specific result, we accomplish several critical elements to ensure we remain on a productive path to reach our full potential.  Emphasizing learning before accomplishment helps to:

1. Reinforce personal growth and continual, personal growth is the foundation for building a brighter future for us as individuals and for our family, business, and community.
2. Lessen the risk of getting arrogant with great accomplishments while bolstering our ability to remain humble…we always have more to learn, no matter how accomplished we have become.
3. Demonstrate to others we care more about them than the awards on their wall. Ensuring others know that we care far more about them rather than what they have accomplished, we will keep the door open to genuine, healthy, and meaningful relationships.
4. Encourage others to pursue their dreams rather than live in a box defined by the expectations of others. Moving out from under the expectations of others will enable all of us to take greater responsibility for our choices, more fully realize our strengths and weaknesses, develop clarity around our true purpose, and live a life with fewer regrets in the end.

As we continue to place an emphasis on learning, we will build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® to continue to grow, reach our full potential, and be an encouraging voice to those around us.

Our world is full of temptation.  The temptations of fame, fortune, and friends with benefits are all around us.  In addition, there is a world of temptations to relieve the pain of physical ailments, the emotional trauma of relationship struggles, and the anxiety developed out of today’s hyper-stressed environment to have it all.

Many of these temptations, and the individuals who get overwhelmed by them, are well documented in the media and if we are paying close attention, seen around the kitchen table in our homes.

However, the most damaging temptation is the one we keep to ourselves.  The silent temptation that is the genesis of so much heartache, pain, and personal struggle is the temptation to compare ourselves to others.  In our own silent world of comparing ourselves to others, we lose our own identity.  Over time, we struggle to find direction and we often miss our true purpose and passion to reach our full potential.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we address what can be called the greatest temptation we will face, the silent temptation to compare ourselves to others.

Despite how many billions of people inhabit the earth, there is none like you or me.  Whether we believe in the scientific rationale, a faith in an all-mighty God, or both, there is no denying the fact that we are uniquely created.  There are no two people in this world that are the same.

It is not just physical differences, but also our experiences and how we see the world as a result of those experiences that makes us unique.  There is no value in making a judgment of better or worse about these experiences and points of view.  There is tremendous value in acknowledging and valuing our own individual differences and the differences of those around us.

When we give in to the silent temptation of comparing ourselves to others, we begin to diminish the strength of our uniqueness.

• When we silently judge our self-worth based on a relative scale of those around us, we diminish the strength of our uniqueness.
• When we silently rate our home-life based on what we see in the homes of others, we diminish the strength our unique family environment.
• When we silently assess our career based on others, we diminish the strength our unique learning journey.

Our greatest risk in this world is that we fall short of our potential.  Becoming overwhelmed with the temptation to compare ourselves to others is the gateway to a life that falls short of our potential.

When we give in to the silent temptation to compare ourselves to others, we chase a moving target as opposed to remaining fixed on reaching our own unique potential.  We would be much more effective in setting a bar high based on our own individual goals and then working hard to achieve our full potential.

As we continue to exercise the discipline to “be me and not you,” we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential.

As we continue on our journey of building and strengthening our character, an important point to remember is that there is no finish line. 

I often use the enclosed graphic in speaking with people to highlight three realities along our journey: (1) There is no finish line with regards to our impact on the relationships around us.  Even in death, the legacy of our relationships lives on in the lives of those left behind (2) All important relationships endure some significant ups and downs and (3) When we choose to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like honesty, compassion, and sacrifice, we strengthen our character and our relationships. When we fail to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by those same principles, we weaken our character and our relationships.

It is not uncommon in these discussions that the topic of personal sustainability comes up.  How can we sustain our efforts along this journey when we are told (a) there is no finish line (in essence, what is our pace for a race that has no finish line?) (b) there are some significant high points combined with some pretty significant low points, and (c) we need to take responsibility for the relationship even though it “takes two to tango.”

Below are three suggestions that I often offer to provide some support and encouragement to keep moving forward and I hope they are uplifting to you as well.

Stay Humble:  We really do reap what we sow as defined in the Law of the Harvest.  This is a very well-worn, principled path to achievement.  Although life is not always fair, more times than not, if we set a goal, make a plan to achieve that goal, work hard over time on delivering on the plan, we will reap a harvest and accomplish the goal.  We need to be careful not to let the momentum of our success build our pride as we will have a tendency to miss warning signs of pending challenges and our decision making will start to rely on our own track record and fail to take the counsel of others.  If we do not stay humble, the transparency that is our new reality has a tendency to crush our pride in very public and painful ways.  Stay humble.

Stay Hungry:  One of the biggest threats to building and strengthening our character and our relationships is when we get complacent and comfortable.  When we deny the reality that our journey will be filled with ups and downs, we get comfortable and complacent in so-called “good times.”  We fail to spend energy learning and growing in our relationships.  When our bellies are full, the bills are paid, and the sun is shining, we still need to hunger after raising the bar on ourselves and our relationships by delivering on the basics: serving more than taking, understanding more than judging, and listening more than talking.  Stay hungry.

Stay in the Ring:  No one is perfect and we all fall short from time to time.  It is important that we do not quit the fight when we make mistakes.   We should stay in the ring and keep fighting the good fight.  There is no more important game in town than building and strengthening our character and our relationships to have a positive impact along our journey.  Don’t choose to become a spectator, no matter how many times we fall short.  Stay in the ring.

As we stay humble, stay hungry, and stay in the ring, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to strengthen our relationships and have a greater impact in our homes, our businesses, and our communities.

No, this is not an “old school” story about walking up hill in the snow both ways to school and how tough it was compared to today’s children.  Rather, it is a note about what we believe.

When we were children, we were “believers.”  We believed in the impossible and we believed it when others said we had great potential and could accomplish great things.  Sure, we also may have believed in the boogeyman and monsters under our bed, but we believed in our potential to do great things.

It may have been a parent teaching us how to ride a bike, shoot a basket, or finish a difficult math problem.  It may have been a coach preparing us for the big game or just a tough practice.  It may have been a friend who was the “adventurer” and helped us believe.  When we were children, someone helped us to believe we had unlimited potential.

There was a time when we believed it.  When we believed in ourselves to achieve great things.

Then something happened.

Someone told us we couldn’t do it and we believed their limitations.  We may have fallen short one too many times.  We may have grown callous to hope through time and experience.

As we continue to build and strengthen our character, we need to face the reality of what has impacted our ability to believe in ourselves and take the necessary steps to believe again.

When we strip away all the fluff, there is the reality of a few key areas that are at the foundation of how we became a non-believer:

• Fear:  W e all carry with us some fear. Fear of failure, humiliation, going hungry, of being alone, etc.  Fear unchecked can cause us to be unbelievers.  Fear as adults, most often resembles the monster under our bed.  Our fear of whatever, many times does not come about and if it does, it is rarely as worse as it seems…just like the monster under our bed.
• Negativity: We finally gave in to the negative view that most often surrounds us. Psychologists say it takes most of us about 5 positive, affirmations to overcome one negative opinion.  Often times, we have become overwhelmed by the negativity and slowly we moved down the path of no longer believing in our potential.  Like the character in The Sun Also Rises when asked how did you go bankrupt? “Gradually and then suddenly.”  Our emotional bank account just got too far in the negative that we have felt bankruptcy is our only option.
• Choice: We make the choice to believe or not to believe. We can pass the buck if want to, but the truth is, we own the choice and at some point, we chose not to believe.

Here are a few ideas to reconnect with our childhood and become believers again in order to reach our full potential:

• Faith. We all have faith. Whether it is faith in God, ourselves, our family, the truth contained in the natural law of the harvest (we reap what we sow), we all have faith that the sun will come up this morning and we face a new day.  Don’t lose faith.
• Positive reinforcement. Whether we describe it as counting our blessings, stopping to smell the roses, or taking some inventory of our past accomplishments, we need reminders of the positives in our life. These small, consistent steps are our most effective way to pay off a huge deficit of negativity in our own emotional bank account.
• The company we keep. Often times, we become like those around us. Seek out the relationships that combine a view the world that is realistic and favors the side of positive and full of opportunity vs. negative and full of doom and gloom.  When our closest, committed relationships have a negative bent, maintain the effort to stay on the positive and our influence will be felt over time.

When we were children, we were believers.  It may be time for each of us to relearn the importance of believing in our potential to achieve the healthy goals we desire like strong, loving relationships, productive employment to make a positive difference in the marketplace and the home front, and those really BIG dreams that many times we have kept to ourselves.

As Teddy Roosevelt believed, “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”

It is time to become believers again and step back into the ring.

As we make the choice as adults to believe again, we will continue to build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to reach our full potential and have a great impact on those around us.