When discussing topics around the importance of character, I often hear phrases like, “people just need to do the right thing” or “it is pretty basic, just like the things we learned as young kids in school.” In many ways, how we build and strengthen our character is pretty straight-forward.    

The vast majority of people would agree that our homes and our world would be in better shape if we lived our lives with integrity, took more personal responsibility, removed bitterness and resentment from our thoughts, focused on serving more than being served etc.  In addition, people finding a career path that truly taps into their strengths and fuels their passions is the most effective way to have a lasting, positive impact in the workplace.  Organizations, filled with people who are personally and professionally aligned with the vision and culture of the organization, tend to outperform their dysfunctional peers by a wide margin.

Given the above understanding, the key question I want to address today is then, “why don’t we do it?” 

When I reflect on some of the choices that I have made over the years, both in the home and the workplace, and when I have spoken to many individuals about some of the choices they have made, there seems to be a common theme.  When you are able to cut through all the justification language, the well-articulated rationale for a certain choice, the defensiveness around a decision, etc. more times than not, we are left with some form of fear, often buried beneath insecurity, that is the force that holds us back from making the most effective choices.

When we need to have that difficult conversation about an important issue that is hindering the growth of our most precious relationships, we often allow the fear that we don’t have what it takes or the fear of a potential “bad” outcome that holds us back from moving forward.  Our mind is filled with thoughts like:   

• “The last 10 times I tried to have this conversation, it ended up really bad, so just forget it.”
• “He / she always twists my words around and I can’t think fast enough to respond.”
• “As soon as he / she rolls those eyes at me, I just lose it.”

In the workplace, when we need to have those challenging conversations with a boss, a coworker or an employee, we often allow fear to hold us back with thoughts like:

• “If I raise this issue with him, I know it will be the death nail to my career with the company.”
• “He gets so defensive when I talk about working as a team.  Forget it…I will just do it myself.”
• “The last time I saw someone challenge the boss’ opinion, they were ‘ripped apart’ so forget about speaking up.  I will just deal with it.”

In making major career choices such as remaining in a current position, seeking a new position, leaving one company for another, or making a complete career change, we often allow fear to hold us back with thoughts like:

• “I don’t know if I can handle that kind of responsibility.  I will just stick with what I have done in the past.”
• “If I don’t seek assignments with more responsibility, “they” may think I am not as “hungry” or committed as others and I will be on the chopping block when times get tough.
• “I really feel energized when I think about moving into this new career, but what if I fail?”

Deep down, the truth behind many of our decisions not to “do the right thing” is because of fear. 

Fear has its place in our lives.  In some short term situations like walking at night in a bad part of town, a little fear is good to keep us on high alert.  Having a little fear when the doctor says we need to eat better and exercise more maybe just what we need to get motivated.  Just before we make the decision to buy that new car, take that big vacation, or financially “stretch” into a larger home, a little fear is good to ensure we understand all the potential outcomes before spending the money. 

However, in the context of strengthening relationships and pursuing a life of positive impact, it is not healthy to have fear be the driving force behind our thoughts, decisions, and actions.  We should put fear in its place as we stand on the strength of character with timeless, universal principles like courage, discernment, and discretion in order to make the choice to do the right thing.  Have that difficult conversation, put the issue on the table at work, and pursue that career choice that you find most fulfilling.

There is one very practical step that I have learned to use to help ensure I am not letting fear have an unhealthy impact on the choices that I make both personally and professionally.  As I think through the potential positive and negative outcomes of a particular decision, I simply ask myself one additional question; “If I was not afraid, what would I do?”  

In the end, addressing this basic question helps me acknowledge the reality that somewhere in the mix of major decisions there is always a little fear and it opens the door for me to be brutally honest with myself as I work through making the decision.  Just raising that question usually gets me to look in the mirror, stop kidding myself, and move forward with doing the right thing.  However, there are times when answering that question still does not get me to move forward in the right direction.  In those times, at least it allows me to be honest with myself about the real reason for not doing the right thing.    

I would encourage you to ask yourself that one additional question when working through the important decisions in life.  

Fear has its place in our lives. As we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles such as courage, loyalty, and commitment, we build and strengthen our character and we help to minimize the negative impact of fear in our lives.  Our Character Creates Opportunity® to strengthen relationships and have a positive impact in our life’s journey.